Thursday, August 20, 2009

No regrets.

"When it's time for you to die, make sure it's the only thing you have left to do." -unknown

I heard this quote last night. I don't know what I was watching or who said it. All I know is that it was like a flaming arrow shot straight into my heart. It was the push I needed to make a huge decision...once and for all.
I've been a stay at home mom off and on since my youngest was born...11 years. When my husband started his business it was agreed that I would be the bookkeeper...it would be a family thing. It would afford me the opportunity to be available for the kids without having to worry about work schedules when they were on vacation or sick, etc. It has worked out for our family in so many ways and we wouldn't trade it for anything. It's been great. And I am thankful that I had the option.
However, the time has come to do something that I've wanted to do for a long time: I...am...going to go back to school. There. I said it.
Now, you have to understand...I've "gone back to school" probably...um...four times? And I still don't have even my associates. So...to say it and to commit to it scares me. Because as far as I'm concerned I've failed each time I have NOT completed school. But this time I'm trying to look at it from the perspective of "look what I have accomplished". I have accomplished half of my college education. I have completed my general education so now I can focus on my major. And really? It's only now that I truly know what I want my major to be. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up 20 years ago when I made my first attempt to go to college. And though I did know when I went back 13 years ago, I ended up getting pregnant again and then choosing to stay home with my babies...and I don't regret that decision for a second. Not for one second.
So...really...this is probably the perfect time for me to go to school. And the perfect time for me to decide what I want to be when I grow up. If I ever do grow up! I haven't decided how far I'll go with that, yet!
But I have decided that I want a college education. And I have decided that I want to be a teacher. Most likely a special education teacher. This is the area where I have the most experience. I was a counselor in a group home for SED (Severely Emotionally Disturbed) adolescents for just about 8 years...2 of those years were spent in the classroom on the grounds. Then I was an Instructional Aide in the SED classroom at our local high school for two years before leaving that job to help my husband with our business. So I have a lot of experience in the area of special ed. And really...it's where my heart is.
For the longest time I thought I'd never return to special education. But a two month sub position in the library at my sons elementary school last year showed me that it's what I'm good at. Each of the classes had a scheduled library time...special ed classes included. So for the lower grades and the special ed classes we'd have story time where I'd sit in the big rocking chair and read stories to the kids before they were cut loose to choose their books for the week. Well, the special ed classes were some of my favorites. They were just so sweet...and, yes, special.
And I have to say, things just might change over the course of two years or however long it's going to take me to get a bachelor's degree in education. I might decide that I want to teach at a different level, for instance. But right now, one thing is for sure: I want my bachelor's degree. So I am going to go for it...and achieve it. And I am scared to death. But I really believe that it's the one thing that I would regret not doing in my life. I've wanted to for so long...and it's available to me...and I am perfectly capable. So...I'm going to do it. Keep me in your prayers...for wisdom choosing a school, financial aide possibilities, grants or scholarships for old ladies, time managment, etc! Because I am going to need all of the help I can get!
Because really...when all is said and done...I don't want to have any regrets in my life. I want to live life to the fullest and take hold of everything that it has to offer me...so that I can, in turn, give back.

9 comments:

Camie | Red Gate Gardens said...

I know you can...I know you can...I know you can...

dmoms said...

oh my gosh, i have goose bumps.

i am so thrilled for you. you can do this! what a lovely story you just told. what a blessing you are and will be.

ReRe said...

God only calls those with deep compassion and understanding for the SED. Praying you finish your education as there are students who are waiting for you.

Elaine said...

Yes! That's wonderful news! Going back to school. New pencils, class schedules, maps of the campus....

I'm so proud of you, my college bound friend! Good decision.

Love!

Kelly said...

Good for you! hey, even if you don't get that degree until you are 65 it will be worth something to you. Good luck sorting out all those details, it must be intimidating! I want to be a lactation consultant when I 'grow up', and I hope I have your courage one day to take the plunge and get back out there!

Rhonda Jean said...

What a great decision to make. I went back to school when my kids were in primary school. I got my degree and went on to better things - I was a nurse before that. It took me 5½ years to complete but so worth every minute. I wish you all the best with your studies.

underthebigbluesky said...

Oh Michelle! So fantastic. What a journey you've had.

I know you can do this! Seriously, do many people know what they want to be when they grow up at 20?

And what an amazing field to commit too. You've got my prayers behind you.

ThyHandHathProvided said...

Wow, Michelle. This is very exciting! It was a leap of faith for us when Jamey decided to go back to school, but it was where we felt God was leading and we feel so taken care of on this journey. Congratulations on you decision! May He walk with you every step of the way.

Beegirl said...

I am so excited for you! You CAN do it and I know you will love it! So different going to school when you are an adult and it is for something you love!!