kimchi...I'm thinking it's one of those things you either love..or hate.

This recipe looks good, too.
(This is not my photo)

My coworker made kimchi and brought some in to share with me. She made it with cucumbers as opposed to cabbage and it is g-o-o-o-d. She also makes it with cabbage and it is g-o-o-o-d, too.

Then later that day I was catching up on a favorite blog...and the blogger shared a link to a blog she'd recently come across...so I clicked over to the other blog...and he'd made kimchi. And it had been a long while since I visited this blog...and would you believe it, it's on the day that she makes kimchi? (Did you follow that?)

I've been wanting to make kimchi for a long time. It was on my summer to-do list...one of a list of things that did not get done, by the way. I took a fermentation class a few summer's ago and we made kombucha and kimchi. I was so excited to be taking the class and to be learning things I'd wanted to learn for so long. When the class was over I headed home with my baby skoby (for the kombucha) and a small jar of kimchi. We were instructed to let it sit on the counter for however many days and then it would be ready.

Unfortunately, over the course of a few days my kimchi turned a weird color...a sort of yellowy tan color, it looked somewhat jaundiced. I didn't feel good about it so I threw it away.

And that was the extent of my fermentation experience. I guess I got a little nervous about it...and probably discouraged. (And then I ended up getting a job so any fantasy of a simple, DIY life went down the drain.)

But anyway....I love kimchi. I have since I was a little girl. When I would stay with Noni and Papa for a week or two during the summer Noni would buy a jar of it and we'd sit and eat it together, the spicier the better. Mom would buy it now and again, too...I loved it.

I went to the Asian market a few weeks ago to buy a jar of gochujang. I had looked up a recipe for kimchi and this particular recipe called for it. But once I got to the store, and saw all of the different choices of kimchi paste and kimchi mix and gochujang, I got overwhelmed and instead, headed to the refrigerator section and bought a jar of prepared kimchi (the same brand Noni used to buy) and headed home. Done. No muss, no fuss.

Yes, while buying a jar of kimchi is much easier, I still can't help but want to make my own. There's just something about making it myself...I just gotta do it one of these days. Not to mention, not only does it taste good, but it is also good for you. Because it is fermented it has all sorts of health benefits.

How about you? Do you love kimchi? Or do you hate it?

I made giardeneria the other day...

it sure is pretty...

I was having a hankering for cauliflower the other day. Specifically, pickled cauliflower. So I got it in my mind that I wanted to make a batch of homemade giardeneria.

I found a recipe, gathered the ingredients and went for it.

I chopped up cauliflower and peppers and carrots and celery and onions. I simmered vinegar and water and garlic and sugar and salt. I blanched the vegetables, some for longer than others. Then I stuffed it all in a big jar I got at my neighbor's yard sale and shoved it in the back of the fridge.

And then...I waited. I let it sit and marinate and pickle and soak up all that goodness for about 36 hours. Finally the time came to taste it. I was pretty stoked, really. Probably more than I should have been. But I do love giardeneria, I love most pickled things, really, so I was looking forward to seeing how it turned out.

I spooned up a small bowl and got to tasting...

And I gotta say...I was disappointed! Boo!

The carrots and cauliflower were "blanched" too long so they'd lost their crisp bite...especially the carrots. And sadly, those are one of my favorite ingredients!

On top of overcooked vegetables, the liquid was off. It was too sweet and too garlicky. And I only used three garlic cloves for the whole mixture. But they took over...and they weren't a good mix with the amount of sugar the recipe called for.

With each bite I hoped for a different outcome...but the fact was that I had missed the mark. In an effort to save all those vegetables, I sloshed in about another cup of white vinegar straight up, stirred it around and put it back in the fridge for another day. And it helped. The taste was better, for sure. But the overcooked veggies still remain.

Kind of a bummer, right?

Yeah...I think so, too.

Well...here's what I will do differently the next time...

• Blanche the cauliflower for maybe a minute or two, not the 4 or 5 the recipe calls for.
• Omit the garlic. Or maybe just simmer it in the vinegar but remove the cloves before adding the liquid to the jar.
• LESS SUGAR. I realize it's necessary to cut some of the acidity, but I will scale way back next time. I want tart, vinegar-y pickles...not sweet-ish. Blech.
• Definitely add pepperoncini peppers. I didn't have any and didn't want to go back to the store so I just left them out. I'm thinking they would have helped the pickly factor.

And just now, out of curiosity, since I was actually craving cauliflower I decided to look up it's nutritional value. Would you believe one cup of cauliflower contains 77% of your daily Vitamin C? Go figure! My body is still trying to tell me something...

craving good food.

These beauties are from the farmer's market.
I need to grow more varieties next summer.

I have been craving good food lately...greens and beets and tomatoes and onions and mushrooms and beef and fresh fruit and cheese. Especially greens. I can't seem to get enough of them.

Admittedly, my diet hasn't been the healthiest lately. Especially while working full days, I eat too much fast food at lunch and then get lazy about dinner because I'm worn out from work and eat too much fast food then. And if not fast, something quick and easy and...processed.

So when I start craving good food, and when nothing else will satisfy, I know that there is a reason for it...my body needs nutrients.

If you listen, your body will tell you exactly what it needs.

When my body needs Iron I begin to crave oatmeal and greens and whole wheat quesadillas with mushrooms, spinach and onion. I am always a bit deficient in Iron, apparently.  I learned this when, for the third time, I was unable to give blood because it was Iron deficient. So when I need it, my body tells me, loud and clear.

Lately I've been craving onions, greens (like crazy!), mushrooms and beets. I am drawn to them at the farmer's market. I can't stop thinking about garden fresh tomatoes. I am making sure I have a big Costco sized bag of broccoli florets on hand at all times so I can steam it, stir-fry it or mix it up into a tasty salad. I've had a mixed green salad for lunch and dinner for the past few days. And do you ever get those slaw kits at the grocery store? I especially like the Asian kit and make it often, making sure to add extra cabbage.

Because I was craving such specific foods I decided to see what nutritional quality each of them contained, and do you know that everything I've been craving contains Vitamin C? Here I was thinking that my body needed Iron (and I'm sure it did, it always does), but apparently it also needed Vitamin C.

I mean, of course, our bodies always need all of this good stuff. But when we don't eat well, our bodies need it even more, crave it in my case (and probably yours, too), and won't be satisfied with anything else.

Do you ever notice that? You're hungry, and you want something, you just can't quite put your finger on it. So you eat whatever is convenient, or fast and you walk (or drive) away feeling unsatisfied. Full, maybe. But unsatisfied.

I hate that feeling.

(I just had a thought...I didn't include it specifically, but I'm going to add something to my manifesto...listen to my body. Feed it what it asks me to feed it...within reason, of course. I'll have to be careful because I'm pretty sure my body thinks that ice cream is a balanced meal. We'll have to work on that...)

Here's a list of foods rich in Vitamin C as well as all the reasons our body needs it. Scroll down for the complete list.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there will be times when my body will tell me that I need a bacon cheeseburger, or a yellow cupcake with chocolate frosting. And I will listen then, too. What? Those are good foods, too. Maybe just not good for you. Ahem.

I like to think of it as balance. Or as my grandparent's said...all things in moderation. (And they lived into their 90's so they must have done something right!)

*wink*

If you give a mom a recipe...

...she'll just change it!

A few weeks ago I decided to make muffins every Sunday night for the coming week's breakfasts. It's nice to know that everyone is eating breakfast rather than starving until lunch time. And...so far it's working out. Except for one thing...I never use the same recipe twice. I use recipes as a guide, not as law. So I add some of this, add some of that, lessen a bit of this, etc.

Basically, I wing it.

And luckily, the muffins always taste good. But the texture? Well, that's another story.

Week before last I made two dozen muffins...and each muffin must have weighed about 5 pounds. I forgot to add baking powder. And man, were those muffins dense! Tasty. But dense. Chris didn't mind them...thought they were good and filling. I ate them, because I don't like waste. And Ian? He opted out of muffins for breakfast that week.

This past Sunday I made another batch of breakfast muffins. This time I added "berry bits"...frozen bits of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries packaged for smoothies. But really good in a muffin, I must say. I remembered to add the baking powder and even tossed in a little baking soda for good measure (Note to self: read up on what does what in baked goods.).

The result? Tasty. Mixed berries are yummy in muffins. And they had just the right amount of sugar...a mixture of granulated and brown. Texture? Eh. I am finding them to be a bit on the chewy side. Too much baking powder? Shouldn't have added baking soda? Not enough moisture to balance the added flax? Maybe I should only replace half the oil with applesauce rather than all of it? (This is where I'm leaning...especially when adding flax.)

I guess it would make my life easier if I'd just find a recipe, follow it exactly, see if we like it, and if so, then start adding this and adding that and making changes all willy-nilly. Novel idea, eh? But...what fun would that be?

Hey. I'm a risk-taker. What can I say?

one of my favorite breakfasts (or lunches. or snacks. or shoot, even dinner.)

ingredients:

1/2 of an avocado

cucumber

whole wheat bread

mayo 

salt

pepper

garlic powder (optional)

Directions:

Pop bread in toaster.

Peel and mash avocado, set aside.

Slice cucumber as thin as you can, set aside.

Spread mayo on toast, just a thin layer

(we're trying to be healthy here)

Spread mashed avocado on toast

Layer cucumber on top of avocado

Sprinkle with salt, pepper 

(and garlic powder, if you choose to use it)

Enjoy while reading your favorite blog or watching Kelly and Michael.

the goodness of turmeric

image

Over the past several years I have become more and more interested in natural and herbal remedies. The story of how I became interested in it is a bit of a long one that I will share here eventually. But for now, I wanted to introduce you to turmeric. 

Have you heard of turmeric? I had heard of it, but had never used it. As with most herbs and spices, I only knew of it for cooking purposes. I had no idea that it was also very medicinal. (As are many other spices you probably have in your cabinet. I'll share more as time goes on.)

Turmeric is "an anti-inflammatory, used to treat conditions such as arthritis, injury, asthma, ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s disease, skin disorders, elevated cholesterol, liver disease and cancer." It caught my attention with the "anti-inflammatory" claim, the asthma claim, as well as the claim to be helpful with fibromyalgia. Since I deal with all of these things I figured it couldn't hurt to at least give it a try.

I picked up a container full at the grocery store right on the spice aisle. I have added it to rice for flavor and color (and health, of course!), I add it to stir-fry, sprinkle it on chicken and just the other day I added several dashes to my healthful chicken broth. (Which, by the way, helped kick whatever was trying to get me! I even had a mug full with lunch today as I am feeling achy from the fibromyalgia.)

One of my goals this year is to learn more about natural remedies for common ailments. I am not one to take a lot of pills. Although I have in the past, thinking it was my only choice, and I could feel the affects of that in the form of painful kidneys. 

That can't be good, right?! Yeah...I didn't think so either! So anything I can do naturally, through diet or natural remedies and without a pill, is alright in my book.

Wanna know more about turmeric? Here are some links you may find helpful...

Prevent Cancer Now

How to sneak it into food :)

Organic Gardening: The healing powers of turmeric

And there are even more links on my Pinterest board, all natural.

the dust is settling...



Flickr favorites...mostly brown...see who did all of this....

I'm going slow...yesterday and today.

Yesterday turned into an impromptu "clean out under the kitchen sink" day...which then led to a on my hands and knees bathroom floor scrubbing day...not to mention taking care of a good four or five loads of laundry.

Thank goodness for leftovers.

I don't have much to say today...my thoughts are still deep...but there were a few things that I wanted to share.

Some of you have inquired about the mosaics of photos like the one above...I make them at bighugelabs.com...click on Mosaic Maker..and go for it!

Chris and I signed up for Netflix a few weeks ago. I was searching around for a documentary...had clicked on Food Inc. and was going to watch it but really wasn't in the mood for something that heavy. I dug around a bit more when I came across Food Matters...an amazing and informative documentary focusing on food for health...vs. medications. It really confirmed much of what's been rumbling through my brain lately.

Have you seen Born Into Brothels? Incredible. Moving. And hard to take. This documentary should not be viewed around children...the language is over the top offensive. Really. And the subject matter, obviously, is not for everyone. I grabbed it on a whim at the library and was glad that I did...an eye-opener to say the least.

I'm reading through The Kind Diet...it's inspiring me to add more raw food to our meals. I'm quite sure I won't be making raw pizza or raw lasagna...the idea of trying to make something gooey out of uncooked random ingredients is not at all appetizing to me. However, eating raw veggies, raw fruits and good salads full of good, nutritious food is.

I'm also reading through A Householder's Guide to the Universe: A Calendar of Basics for the Home and Beyond. Entertaining. Informative. And down to earth...

Oh...and while I'm at it, sharing controversial things and all, I'll go ahead and recommend another great documentary...Collapse by Michael Ruppert. I'll let you look it up if you want to...peak oil...government...etc. Good stuff...if you're interested in those things.

I hope all is well in your little corner of the world. I hope your gardens are growing...your families are well...and your hearts are full. xo

The gall!!

on the Bay Bridge...San Francisco in the distance...through a dirty window

It's always something. What's UP with my health these days? Or should I say lack of health? When we rang in 2011 I was so excited for this new year...this new start. I was so sure that this was going to be a good year...a great year...THE year. I began doing yoga...began incorporating a few other healthy changes into my life...was feeling good...and then BAM. Sick...flu...pneumonia...asthma...maybe I should have just stayed unhealthy!

What's wrong now, you ask? I am having mild gall bladder issues. That's my self-diagnosis, anyway. (I research this and that online and suddenly I'm a health professional!) They started yesterday morning. I went to the natural food store and got some cleanse capsules. I'm watching what I eat. No soda. No fat. No sugar. I drank lemon juice this morning. It's all helped. And lessened the intensity (if you could call it that) and frequency of the discomfort.

Anyone have any other natural remedies for gall bladder woes? Anything you've done at home that worked like a charm?

*disclaimer* The pain is not severe. It is uncomfortable. I am not feverish...or doubled over. I am having some discomfort...so don't worry, or freak out.  If this discomfort becomes unbearable...I will go the ER immediately. Until then, I am going to do what I can naturally.

sunshine...on a cloudy day.

flickr favorites...I can't get enough. go here for credits.

It's cold and gray and dreary here today...threatening rain...maybe snow some say. That would be fine by me. 

I am not sure how I'm feeling today...not as good as yesterday...but better than last Friday...slightly more wheezy...and a little more coughing...again. Woke up twice last night, coughing...which I haven't done in a few nights. I'm attributing it to the steroids...they helped, but now I'm done taking them...but do I need more? Waiting on a call from the Dr. to see what she wants me to do. I wish she'd hurry up...the waiting is making me a bit anxious.

I am tired of this...

Browsing beautiful photography on flickr.com is a nice way to pass the time when you're under the weather...

{I think I am in need of some Vitamin C...what do you think?}

(Maybe when I go to Costco for my inhaler I'll buy a big box of oranges like the one my beautiful friend Mandy brought to me when I was first sick...oh, were they good. Thank you, Mandy! Do you know that she and I have known each other since were 13...that is 30 years! How can that be? And now...our sons hang out together now and then. Crazy.)

Speaking of my son, Seth is home sick today...and yesterday, too. Sore throat, stuffy nose, aches...yesterday a fever, but not today. We are a pair...

Other than that...not a lot going on around here...still. Ready to be well...prayers would be most welcome...for healing, clear airways, wisdom for the Dr. to treat this once and for all...patience and calm for ME. Thank you...xo

one thing leads to another...

Well...I hope you'll forgive my silence. While I thought I was on the mend from the flu-turned-pneumonia/asthma it turns out I was not. Thursday night my coughing got worse...as did my ability to breathe. I sat in the easy chair all night coughing...not sleeping.  At 8am Friday morning I had Chris drive me to the dr. where they took my vitals...gave me a breathing treatment...xrays...and another breathing treatment.

3 hours later...and talk of a possible hospital stay to get my breathing regulated...I was sent home with two inhalers, another antibiotic and more prednasone...along with orders to stay in bed until Monday.

Turns out I was having a pretty good asthma attack. And I don't normally have asthma! I have had it only one other time years ago...it was brought on by the use of one of those chemical-filled plug in air fresheners. Yuck. That thing about killed me...and I didn't even know it until weeks later!

After much bed rest and good TV movies...food deliveries by amazing, generous friends (thank you SO much Jesse and Irvina!...delicious homemade chicken soup delivered by my mom (which was just what the dr. ordered, I might add...thank you mom!)...house cleaning by my sweet hubby and sons (thanks guys!)...and prayer from friends and family...I am feeling a bit better. I am still a bit weak...and wheezy...and get winded easily. But...I am on the mend. Thank goodness. Not being able to get enough air is SCARY.

I have decided to continue to take it easy for the next week. I think part of the problem is that each time I felt a tiny bit better I felt compelled to get to work...cleaning and laundry and cooking and shopping and errands and running kids all around. You know...my JOB. But...I think doing too much made me get sick over and over. So...this time...I'm going easy...and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

I learned something along the way...in regard to natural remedies. While there may be a natural or homeopathic remedy for asthma...I didn't find it. And while I believe there is a time and place for home remedies...and natural healing...it's not always the answer. Sometimes modern medicine is the way to go...and I am so, so grateful for it.

homemade Elder Berry cough syrup..

A few weeks ago Ian had a cough. And since I had recently been doing some reading about natural remedies, I decided to try my hand at making my own homemade elder berry cough syrup. I purchased dried elder berries at my local nutrition shop and then I followed this recipe. I gave it to Ian for about three days, and ran the humidifier (which is like the miracle cure, in my opinion) and he was better in no time!

Now...while it was cool and interesting making my own cough syrup...I feel I have to tell you about a few of the realities of this endeavor.

First of all...simmering dried elder berries STINKS. Oh my gosh...it was bad. A combination of wet, dirty dog and...oh...maybe dirty socks? Yuck. Very bad smell. Very bad.

Second of all...regardless of what I had read, it does not taste good. At first you're not sure...does it taste bad? Or good? I can't tell! But then you realize...it does not taste good. Berries or not...no..ick. Someone went so far as to say it was like "drinking candy". Um. No. Not even close.

BUT, it was effective for Ian's cough.*** And the smell was easily masked once I fried up some bacon for BLT's. Thank goodness.

So...wanna give it a try? Here's the recipe:

Elder Berry Cough Syrup

•1/2 c. dried elderberries or 1 c. fresh elderberries
•3 c. water
•1/2 c. honey
•1/4 c. cherry brandy (optional)*

Place the water in a pot on the burner and bring it to a boil. Turn down the heat to a low simmer and add elderberries. Simmer for 20 minutes. Strain the elderberries, reserving the juice, and pressing down firmly on top of the berries to drain all the liquid. Rinse out the pot and return the juice to it over a low heat. Simmer for a few more minutes, until the liquid has reduced to 1 cup. Remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes. Pour into a glass container and add the honey and the brandy. Stir well, until the honey is completely dissolved.

Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator. This will keep for 2 months if the brandy is included, or 2 weeks if you choose not to use brandy as a preservative.**

Take 1 to 2 Tbsp a day as a maintenance dose and 3 to 5 Tbsp a day when you’re just starting to feel a cough or cold coming on.

*I did not use brandy.
**I read elsewhere that this will keep for up to 3 months in the refrigerator. Use your judgment.
***This was NOT effective for my cough, as mine turned out to be a combination of pneumonia and asthma. While there may be an effective homeopathic remedy for these things, I didn't know about them and turned to modern medicine to help me get better.

one thing leads to another...aka scattered thoughts.

oats in a thrifted jar...no seal...parchment paper seems to work.



I am finally coming to terms with this season of Solitude that I am in. It's taking me a while to get past the guilt of not doing...in whatever form that may take...work, ministry, running here and there...busy-ness essentially. Been there, done that. It's time to slow things down. And breathe. Be quiet. Listen. It's necessary. And not easy.  But being alone (click that link...don't mistake being alone for being lonely. I'm not lonely...at all. Come to think of it...I don't know that I experience loneliness. I quite enjoy being alone...) has led to some interesting revelations.

Solitude...and quiet...has lead to some good things. One of them being my list of goals. And one of those goals being trying my hand at Yoga. I am loving it. And I like how this article describes it...slow, no pain, no pressure...just slow and deliberate movements that feel really, really good. Who knew I'd enjoy it so much?

Something else I've been enjoying is Miso. So good...and so good for you. I warm a little chicken broth diluted with a bit of water and add in a slice or two of fresh ginger. When it's heated through I pour it into a mug and add a teaspoon of Genmai Miso (soy and brown rice), stir to dissolve and sip away while checking email. SO good. Matter of fact, I had a little stomach thing going on last week. I made myself a mug of miso and the stomach trouble disappeared. Coincidence? Maybe. But...maybe not!

A blog friend of mine, Mavis, has been sharing her adventures in amazing coupon shopping on her blog, 100 Dollars a Month. You would not believe the deals she gets! It's amazing. I am so impressed as coupon clipping and I don't get along. I thought I had the perfect money making coupon deal planned out yesterday for CVS...the way I figured it I should have come out 11 cents in the black. Instead? I spent $25 and have NO IDEA where I went wrong. Dangit! Anyway...Mavis has created a cute Coupon Purse to help you organize your coupons while looking stylish and hip at the same time. Wanna win one? Go here!

I watched Ellen Foster this weekend. I got the DVD at the library...for FREE. Have I mentioned recently how much I LOVE the library? No? Well...let me just say, I LOVE THE LIBRARY.

I also watched 99 Balloons: The Story of Baby Eliot again this morning. I cry...hard...to the point of making my throat hurt from holding back the sobs, every time I watch it. So sweet...and brings back memories of a friend of mine whose baby girl, Elora, was also born with Trisomy 18 several years back. Sadly, Elora did not get to experience life here on earth...Jesus took her home just before she entered the world during delivery. She was beautiful.

Amazing the blessings we are allowed to experience when we're paying attention...

 

OK...well...yoga is done, miso has been sipped, blog has been updated. Now...beds need to be made, dinners need to be planned, chickens need to be fed, groceries need picking up. The day must go on...and the solitude enjoyed.

Remembering to breathe...are you?

Something is better than nothing...

Or...don't let imperfection stop you from at least giving something a try.

We are two weeks into the new year...can you believe it? Time flies...even in 2011. And...so far so good.

As you may remember I decided to write down a list of goals for myself...if it was floating around in my head, it got written down on The List. I wrote down everything from write to live on acreage and dig a cold cellar. I wrote simple little things like grow herbs and I wrote down things that will be a bit more of a challenge and stretch like grow all of the food we'll need for a whole year. As I shared last week...I wrote goals for my creativity...and I moved on that goal and actually made something. And it felt good. I felt accomplished.

Another thing I wrote on The List was get in shape. Pretty broad...I know. Then right below that goal I wrote do yoga/stretch. OK...there we go...narrowing it down a bit. What I really was looking for was some good stretching exercises. I have fibromyalgia and it tends to make me really tight and sore...especially in my neck and back. But lately I noticed it creeping into my hips. That's where I had to draw the line. OLD people have hip problems...okay? Not me.

Well...I knew that actually attending a yoga class wasn't in the cards right now...our finances are slowly getting back on track...but yoga still isn't in the budget. And honestly, I'm not one to GO to a class...or to a gym. I'm more apt to do something if I can do it in the privacy of my own home...with no observers. Ahem.

So...you know the routine...if you're like me, you're just going through your day, washing clothes, paying bills, running errands, making phone calls...and all the while your mind is going, thinking on things, figuring things out...and sometimes it can get a little overwhelming. (Hence...The List...had to get it OUT of the head and ONTO paper.) However...at some point I got the idea to see if I would be able to Demand, through our cable company, a yoga show.

Hmm...that could work. So the next morning...I got up off my butt and gave it a try.

And...after selecting a few yoga shows...some too new agey...some too soothing...some just TOO...I found one that I liked. The description said, "yoga based". And I liked that. I don't want to hear about chakras and whatnot. I just want to stretch. Yoga-based sounded good...so I pressed Select and got into Mountain pose. (I just cracked myself up...)

I'd made a good choice. The class was only 20 minutes long and the instructor gave lots of modifications for those of us new to actually moving, stretching and bending. There were a few things that I absolutely could not do...but rather than quit, which is what I would have done not too long ago, instead I sat and maybe just did the arm movements...or a stretch that I'd done earlier...something to just keep moving. Before I knew it the 20 minutes was up...and I felt great. It wasn't much...but it was something. And something is better than nothing. I wasn't able to do it perfectly...but I was able to do something. So that's what I did. And it felt good.

That was a little over a week ago...and so far I've done yoga 6 times. I tuned into the same yoga based class I started with...but come to find out, it's the same exact show every time. And I knew that was going to bore me. So...I searched around a bit more and found two more classes that I liked. One was about 40 minutes long..and a bit more intense. But again, I just did what I could. And even after just a week, I'm already noticing that I can do a teensy bit more each time. Already...some progress. I like that... 

This morning I followed along to a yoga DVD I borrowed from the library. Again, no cost and in the privacy of my own home. Perfect. It was a little bit...groovy, shall we say? But...the exercises were good and highly modified as they were yoga moves for people with chronic pain issues. It was actually really good for me...and since I did a more intense workout yesterday, and was definitely feeling it today, it was perfect timing for something a little more gentle.

Interestingly...there's been a chain reaction. I'm more aware of my breathing throughout the day. I've been taking good deep breaths, and being aware of when I needed to. I'm more aware of my posture. While I'm walking...while I'm standing...while I'm sitting at the computer. And I'm more aware of what I'm putting into my body. Maybe aware is not the best word. Maybe I just care more about what I'm putting into my body. (I've always been aware...whether it was good or bad...I knew!) For instance...I'm sipping miso right now. (And I like it!) For breakfast I had a piece of whole wheat toast with organic peanut butter and honey, a bowl of yogurt sprinkled with homemade granola and a half of an avocado. This is not to say that I'm not gonna eat some peanut M&M's...or indulge in a few slices of pizza. But...it is a start. Good changes are taking place. And...something is better than nothing. 

so far...



local free-range chicken farm located near my home.

 Day 4 of 2011...already? We wait and wait and wait for something...we anticipate and plan and dream...and then *like that* it's here and gone and...life goes on.

So far this year I have..

• taken down the tree and all the trimmings. I usually cannot WAIT to get our Christmas tree out of here. My house is small. A tree is large. And it tends to make the house feel claustrophobic. So come December 26...it's usually outta here. But not this year. This year our tree was small. The lights were pretty. And I really didn't even want to take it down today. But I did. It was time. I'll miss it though...and that's a first.
• signed up for a free online herbal class...SO excited about it and loving it so far.
• enjoyed a conversation with the owner of the used book store today. She encouraged me to be a part of our local Slow Food chapter. I sent an email to the gal in charge, who, by the way,  I used to babysit for! I haven't heard back as of yet...but I think as long as you pay an annual fee, you're in.
• Took two bags of goods to the thrift store yesterday...and promptly pulled around to the front of the building, parked my car, and went inside. Yes. To shop. And yes. I found a few things. (Slowly making the switch to glass storage rather than plastic...I found a huge storage jar, some little jars for my new herbal remedies and two boxes of quart size canning jars. Not to mention a cute basket with leather handles. I got outta there for under $15.)

Hmm...why did all of that feel like so much more? I think maybe the herbal class alone makes me feel accomplished since it's on The List and it's something I've been wanting to DO for a long time...but was intimidated by so have only been reading about. Signing up for it was definitely a step in the right direction. And that forward movement feels big...and good.

Oh...another thing I was excited about was working up the nerve to try Miso. I've been curious about it for some time now. I'm not sure why Miso was so intimidating to me...but it was. But, in perfect timing with my whole DO theme, the herb class instructor mentioned Miso in one of his lessons. I took that as my cue to finally give it a try. So today I went to the store...and I searched high and low until I found the Miso. But...I never did find the Miso. So I had to ask someone...and he took me right to it. There it was...right on a shelf I had stood looking at for at least 5 minutes. I was looking for a jar. It came in a resealable bag. But just think...next time I need Miso, I will know RIGHT where to go to get it. Nice.

Finally, I bought the Miso, and an organic chicken, and some chamomile tea (for my class) and a ginger beer. Then I came home and promptly made some Miso soup for my lunch. I think I feel healthier. :)

(Not sure what Miso is? Neither was I. Go here to read all about it!)

Wednesday in the Word.

Psalm 139:23

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

You may have noticed that I share a lot of scripture relating to anxiety. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure I've shared Psalm 139 with you before...at least once! Anxiety is something I deal with on an almost daily basis. It came on full force about 9 years ago. I woke up one Monday morning unable to stand up straight because my back hurt so badly. I called in sick to work...I was an aide in a special ed classroom at the time. I stayed home...took it easy...and hoped I'd be better by the next day. Well, I woke up Tuesday and I still couldn't stand up straight. So I called in sick again. And I stayed home. I don't know why...or what happened...but that night, I just sort of lost it. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe right. And all I could hear was ringing in my ears. I didn't know it at the time...but I later learned I was having a full-blown anxiety attack.

I ended up calling in sick for the rest of the week. I could barely function. I was so terrified to leave the house. It took everything I had to get Seth to school each day. Finally, on Friday, I couldn't' take it anymore. And I ended up in the office of our women's pastor. I walked into the church office...immediately began to cry (something I'd been doing ALL WEEK)...and fell into her office.

After talking and crying..a lot...she gave me one of the most useful spiritual tools I've ever been given. She explained to me that anxiety was an attack of the enemy on my mind...on my thoughts. And that when these thoughts started to enter my mind I needed to say six simple words..."In Jesus' name, I rebuke you." She explained to me that anything I ask of God, in the name of Jesus, shall be done. So when I rebuked the enemy...in the name of Jesus...he had to flee. HAD to. And the amazing part? He did. Immediately.

At the beginning of my learning to deal with anxiety, he would return shortly thereafter...hoping I'd forgotten how to use my spiritual tool. But as time went on...and I had more and more faith in God and His perfect care of me...my rebukes became more effective.

I still deal with anxiety...almost every day. Sometimes it's just a little nervous flutter in my gut. Sometimes it's a little stronger and I am shaky and unable to get full, deep breaths. Sometimes I'm nervous about a certain situation. And sometimes an attack comes on from out of nowhere...for seemingly no reason at all. The important thing is that now I am able to realize what's happening. I usually feel them coming on. Sometimes they sneak up on me. But they no longer prevent me from leaving the house. Now, when I feel an attack hit, I pray and then I speak it out...I tell Chris, "Honey, I'm feeling anxious for some reason." Then we'll talk about it for a minute...I take a few good, deep breaths...and then move through it. Many times, just speaking it out...telling someone...makes it lose it's power and loose its grip.

You may wonder why I never chose to get on medication for it. I don't like medication. My belief...my OPINION...is that medication, while very helpful for some, is too readily prescribed. I didn't want to be reliant on a pill. And I don't think God wanted me reliant on a pill either. He wanted me reliant on HIM. So...that's how I chose to deal with anxiety. I understand it's different for everyone. But I also understand that God is a BIG God...He's bigger than anxiety...He's bigger than depression...He's bigger than cancer...and He's certainly bigger than a pill.

Again, this is ONLY my OPINION. An opinion based on what God has done for ME. I am not condemning anyone for taking pills. But I do believe that for some...they're not necessary if we would just learn how to deal with the symptoms and the triggers using Godly tools, rather than masking them.

The bottom line is, God is good. And He loves us. ANd wants the best for us. He knows our hearts and our anxious thoughts. He wants us to be strong...in mind and body. He wants us to lean into Him...to trust Him...to rely on Him. And these trials we go through...these tests...are allowed as a way of strengthening us and drawing us nearer to Him. Not nearer to a pill. At least that's how I see it...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Some Thoughts of Fasting on Day 3:

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your comments, for your support, for your encouragement, and for your helpful advice during this fast. You are all amazing...and I'm glad you are there for me. On a not so positive note...and I'll just give you a warning...some grumbling is about to ensue. SO...walk on by if you don't want to hear honesty that includes much whining.

I know this is not what a fast is about. I'm supposed to be focusing on the Lord...and listening for His voice...and I am. I'm just also a bit distracted. Luckily, He is very patient with me...thank goodness.

It's Day 3 and I still have a headache. I've decided, I am not good at fasting. I feel like a failure. And apparently, according to what I've read, discouragement is common when one is fasting. From what I've read, it will pass. I hope it passes soon..because it's getting on my nerves. I'M getting on my nerves! I cried in the shower today...CRIED. Partly, because I want a diet Coke. But mostly because I am being so pathetic about the stuff!! Get a GRIP, girl!! And I just want to say that I hope you realize, those of you reading this, that I am writing this honestly. I pray that it is not a deterrent should you choose to do a fast. I recommend it. Obviously, it is VERY enlightening. I just don't like it.

That last sentence just made me laugh...I wonder if God is laughing at me, too? Maybe with me? Let's hope...

The Daniel Fast.

I'm getting ready to start The Daniel Fast tomorrow. We are doing it for New Beginnings, "corporately", as a ministry.

What exactly IS the Daniel Fast, you ask? This is a good description. As a matter of fact, I've been reading his book...it's pretty good. Very informative. I think it will be good reference over the next couple of weeks.

I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous. I haven't fasted before. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I really don't deprive myself of...well, of anything! If I want something, I eat it. Or drink it. Period. So, when I look at it that way, depriving myself sounds like a good idea. I am pretty spoiled...

On the Daniel Fast I can only eat vegetables, whole grains, legumes, fruit and water. That's it. No meat. (We're having Asian pork chops tonight!) No dairy. (I had cottage cheese with lunch and milk with every meal. For some reason I think the dairy is going to be the hardest for me. I love dairy.) No soda. (I'm sipping a diet Coke right now.) No coffee. (THIS is going to be HARD.)

So...over the next 10-21 days I will be fasting and praying. My prayer is that God will show me what He wants me to share in Belgium. I also have a few creative ideas I believe He wants to use for Belgium, so I hope to get more clarity on that. But, of course, God's plans aren't always our plans. So I am open to whatever He wants to tell me...this is about Him. Not me.

rest.

I am feeling a lot better today...thanks to staying in bed ALL.DAY.LONG yesterday.

{old photo of a calla lily}

There's definitely something to be said for rest...and I think Jesus said it best...

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ~Matthew 11:29.

Saturday.

It's Saturday. And it's sunny outside. And I...am SICK. I got it...the flu, that is. Not real bad...just enough to make me feel cloudy...like I'm floating. My head is full...and I've got a cough. None of it horrible...but just enough to slow me down...considerably.

Because I don't feel good...and because my house is a mess...and because I have so much to do and not a lick of energy to DO it...I thought I'd just share a mosaic of some of my Flickr favorites.

As I've mentioned before...the talent found on Flickr never ceases to amaze me. Beautiful photos...beautiful handmade items...beautiful children and babies...beauty everywhere you look! I can get lost on Flickr! And I have.

So...I suppose I'll go try and do something. And maybe eat some Vitamin C. And see why the dog won't quit barking.

xo

good eating. and a school report.

It's been a busy week. I've been running since... Gosh. Since...um...

Hmmm...I can't remember when I wasn't running this past week or so!

All the more reason I needed to stay home this morning and take a breather. I work at two...but until then, I'm going slow. I'll peck away at some laundry...and I need to dust...but my main goal today was to just take it kind of slow.

I ate some oatmeal for breakfast...with dried cranberries and chopped walnuts. And of course, brown sugar and butter. So yummy...and so good for me. I always feel better instantly once I've eaten a bowl of oatmeal. I feel full...and satisfied. And healthy. There might be some argument about the butter...but..that's OK. At least it's not margarine.

Last night I made a good, healthy dinner. I made some chicken in my grill pan seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic powder. I roasted some potatoes, carrots and leeks mixed with olive oil, fresh cracked pepper and Kosher salt. Then to add some green to the mix I sauteed some broccoli with onion and chopped cabbage seasoned with sesame oil, salt, red pepper flakes, a splash of chicken broth and soy sauce. I sauteed in on high heat then turned the heat off and covered ti to steam for 5 minutes or so until the chicken finished cooking.

And I have to say...it was a good dinner! The broccoli and cabbage mixture tasted like chow mein...which means now I have to try and figure out how to make it! I figure I can just do what I did then add some noodles...and voila...(or however you'd say that in Chinese...tsing tao? No...I think that might be beer, hmmmm)...chow mein! Maybe toss in a little leftover pork or chicken? The possibilities are endless! That could be another great way to use up some leftovers, too. I'm liking this train of thought...

Anyway...thinking ahead I made extra potatoes and carrots in preparation to make myself a yummy, warm and healthy soup for lunch today! I'm going to add the leftover vegetables...including a bit of leftover cabbage, too...to chicken broth. I'll warm it through...then blend it with my immersion blender. Et...voila...roasted vegetable soup! Doesn't that sound good? I think so. But then again, I'm a soup kinda girl.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So...yeah....I went to my first day of COLLEGE ON TUESDAY. Oh my...all day I was anxious about it. But by the time I got going...and got on the military base where some of the classes are held...and into my classroom...I was fine. And ready.

I'm going to say the average age in the classroom is roughly...oh...35? That's about right. So I'm not TOO old to be there...although I am one of the more mature students. But that's OK...someone said 40 is the new 30...so I'll take it.

The instructor is very nice. And very young. She refused to tell us her age. I'm guessing 30-35. But she looks even younger. Either way...she's nice. And she's engaging. And interesting. Which will make this a whole lot easier to do. I can't think of anything worse than sitting in a classroom for 4 hours listening to a droning instructor. And yes, I said 4 hours. The classes are accelerated...so we meet once a week for four hours. And I have to say, it went by surprisingly fast.

I decided to start with one class at the recommendation of my mom. She thought it would be a good idea to start slow and get my feet wet before diving in. At first I was like, "No way mom! I'm GOING FOR IT! I'm DOING THIS! I'm running out of time. I'm no spring chicken! I have WORK to do! Time is short! Seize the moment!! Get out of my way!"

Or...something like that. (Right, mom?)

Anyway...once all was said and done...and I started actually planning my schedule, it just worked out best that I start with one class. Mother truly does know best...

I had a revelation at the beginning of the week during one of my hyperventilation sessions. I realized that the reason I was so nervous about going back to school is that, this time, I do not have the option to stop. I do not have the option to quit. It is just not in the cards this time around. I have started and stopped college more times than I care to admit. And every time, I had good intentions. And high hopes. But as soon as an obstacle got in the way...I yielded to it. And I stopped. This time? Obstacles must either be moved...or walked around. No stopping. Not this time.

So with this revelation I thought, "Holy cow. This is IT! I am really going to have to DO this. What was I thinking?!"

Not to mention....I've told EVERYONE I know that I am going back to school. And I've given everyone I know permission to hold me accountable. Seriously. What was I thinking?!

I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that my track record for sticking with something is not the best record out there. And I was also thinking that I know myself...real well. And telling everyone and allowing people to hold me accountable was probably one of the smartest things I've done!

So...we're off. Or at least, I am. And I'm excited. Thank you for listening...and for encouraging me. And...if I start to slack...feel free to smack me upside my head!

feeding my body and my soul.

I stayed home for most of the day yesterday. I did laundry and straightened things up and read my bible and wrote in my journal. I've got some things coming up that require a bit more of me spiritually. Fasting is one of those things.

I've not fasted before. So...in doing some research, I decided to start with The Daniel Fast. I decided to give it a practice run at lunch yesterday.

I started with the kale, garlic and leeks that were delivered in my CSA. Luckily D. over at this is my life made this same thing last week and shared it with us...so I was inspired! Or else I wouldn't have known what to DO with kale! Hers looked so delicious and warm and healthy and good! So I had to give it a try. Admittedly, this was the first time I'd eaten it. And I will say...I'm sold. Kale is GOOD. And knowing how good it is FOR me made it all the more enjoyable.

Not only was it good. It was EASY. And fast. I had some leftover rice so I put it on a plate and warmed it up. In the meantime I turned on the saute pan to medium high and tossed in a little olive oil. I sliced a bit of leek and chopped about 4 leaves of kale. Once the oil was hot I tossed in the leek and then pressed a clove of garlic in with it...and sauteed. Once it was all soft and translucent I added in the kale and sauteed a minute or two. I then added a bit of chicken broth to steam it a little and to make a bit of a sauce. For good measure...I added a palm full of dried cranberries!

A minute or two later...it was done.

And it was GOOD. Really, really good. I'm definitely adding this to my recipe file...and I'm definitely going to grow kale next winter! Remind me of this come October, would ya?