Thursday, April 1, 2010

read at your own risk...you've been warned.

{what's in your hutch? if you go to flickr you can read notes...because I'm sure you have nothing better to do, right? yeah...}

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It's one of those days. I'm cluttered. Scattered. Jumbled. Finding it difficult to put one thought in front of the other. I get like this when I've got too much in my mind. Making a list sounds necessary right about now. A long list. Like on butcher paper stuck to my fridge with a magnet. And with check boxes next to each item so I can check them off as they're done. Yeah. That's what I'll do. A list.
One thing that's been bothering me is my piles. Oh. Um. OK, wait. That didn't come out right. Not that kind of piles. I mean piles of paper...you know, mail, bills, report cards...those piles. Goodness...no wonder I'm a cluttered mess! The places my mind goes sometimes!
Anyway...I think I've come to the conclusion lately that I am not going to fight my piling, listing, misplacing ways anymore. I just can't. It takes more energy to fight it than it does to just go with it and make it work for me. You know? Seriously. I am not super woman. I don't care what magazine articles or blog articles or Dr. whoever says...I can't do it all. And really? I don't want to do it all. I want to do some things. Lots of things, actually. And I want to do those things well. But the other stuff? Well...I don't know what to tell you. I guess someone else will have to take it on. Because there are just certain areas that I need to let some things go.
Like the fact that my house, old and small as it is, will never, ever, ever, be spacious and airy and spotless clean. Ever. It just won't. And I need to just know this...accept this...and move on. Enough stressing over it. Enough beating myself up about it. Enough. I need to just do the best that I can with what I have. And I need to be content with that. It is what it is. Nothing more and nothing less. Deal with it. Work with it. Be grateful for it. Move on.
Or the fact that I pile things up. I just do. I always have. So I may as well work it to my advantage somehow. I mean, really...maybe it can be a good thing. At least I'll know that whatever it is I need will be in that pile. I won't have to guess which drawer I put it in...or which cabinet...or which file box. Seriously. Because every time I try to get organized in a way that works for someone else...I LOSE THINGS. And that's not good either.
So. Yeah. Today I'm at the point where I just need to accept some things. And stop fighting some things. Mainly my self. Aren't we our own worst enemies? I am finding that I'm really hard on myself. I really need to ease up on me. I need to stop comparing myself to others. And weighing my value as a woman...or as a wife and a mother...based on what others are capable of. I am me. I have always been me. And any time I try to be like someone else, it back fires. And then I have to start all over becoming me. And I have to say...it is really, really tiresome. It's much easier to be me. And to strive to be the best me I can be.
That being said...I'm going to go make that list. Anything you need to let go of today? Do it girl...

13 comments:

Mari said...

You go girl. Michelle, we all look at you and your talents and abilities and are amazed. It is so easy to compare ourselves to others, isn't it. It's OKAY if you can't keep things organized fully. You are CREATIVE! See, I'm just the opposite. I'm dull, boring, and things always stay in the same place. Well...a disclaimer here would be that the older I get, I am getting more forgetful and lose things easily. Ha. Anyway....it's okay. You are right to forgive, forget and move on. Just accepting it like you have, and getting it out of your system by blogging about it will do wonders. I am so proud of you. And remember...you are the same gal that just got an A in school! YES!!! Again..I am amazed at you.
love and hugs today.

Laura said...

I am right there with ya! I am a piler, too! I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it is a little overwhelming... for my husband. Love your blog!

ain't for city gals said...

Woo Hoo..go for it!! You know, menopause hit me like a ton of bricks about 5 years ago...but now that I have made it to the "other side" GUILT is absolutely NOT in my vocabulary anymore...Must be the lack of estrogen thing...I just don't want to do those things anymore...like clean, cook,,nurture... And I no longer care what people think!! Makes things so much easier...time for me!! (think I need to do a post on this..lol)!!

vintage girl at heart said...

Umm you just pretty much summed up my messy. piles everywhere. small old home... life.:) oh yeah and the forgetting part too.
I keep telling myself..and anyone else that will listen that God means for us to be messy as we age and mature so we can just enjoy life!!!
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!
Blessings~

Nancy said...

Big houses might be spacious, airy and spotless but they aren't comfortable, cozy and lived in. Girl, you have a HOME, not just a house.
XO

Talitha said...

Honestly, I prefer small spaces. I have friends who drool over 3500 sq ft houses and all I can think is... Do you have any idea how long it will take to CLEAN all that??? Yeah, I'll take my tiny 1 bedroom apt any day.

Your post reminded me of an article I read the other day. Cause you don't have enough to do {wink} you should check it out.
http://www.conversiondiary.com/2008/01/admitting-that-i-cant-do-it-allor-even.html

dmoms said...

oh my, how did you get in my brain today? I have been having some of these same thoughts.

A Friend Across the Miles {Camie} said...

Hello Friend!

Just thinking of you today...

Kelly said...

I just finished sorting my big pile into smaller, manageable piles! A big part of it went into the recycle pile, and another chunk went back to the "to file" pile. Some had to be moved into the "to do" pile, and then there was more that kinda got filed. If you can count taking all of the papers I needed to save from 2008 and putting them into an envelope filing, then yeah, that's what I did with them.

I'm kind of a mix between the pile and the organized gal. I'm getting much better at letting things go now though...

Cindy said...

you are so right and i feel this same thing so much of the time. i have said before, i am guilty of lists to keep track of my lists! so now i use a notebook with different lists broken down, for the month, weekend, that day etc. or into different catagories like gardening and sewing and then i take the thing that needs to be done right away on those broader lists and transfer them to my daily list. are you laughing yet? because i am serious. BUT, even if they don't get done it makes me feel better that they are on paper. i posted about this just the other day. especially this time of year when there is so much to be done outside too!

I hear what you are saying. accepting ourselves the way we are and just embracing that. you know when i actually do that i have the best days at work or interactions with people in general i guess. great post! sorry i went on.

Baby Mama said...

I am a piler too. And i, too, lose things in the name of "organization". embrace you. piles and all ;-)

Camilla~ Bloom said...

Good for you Michelle. I went thru this last spring and it truly is such a lift when you get rid of things...you start seeing new things...things you forgot or maybe things that you can REALLY use. It's hard to let go...but once you do, it feels so good.
Ps. I hope I see you Saturday at C&C.
xo

deb said...

What... I thought I was the only one that had piles on every flat surface?! Sometimes it just can't be avoided. We too, have an old, dusty house but those new ones are dusty too... they can't fool me!

I broke down yesterday and made a new list... for April. New seasons always do that to me. There's an overwhelming feeling of things that need to be done. Well, at least I think they *need* to be done but in most cases, no one else ever notices. A list makes me feel better. A little bit more organized in a small way.

This is a great post... I think most of us can relate to this topic.

Cheers to the piles! :)