Monday...again.

I like this mosaic of other people's photos. I think it's interesting the ones I choose as favorites...notice many of the colors are muted. Lots of grays and browns and soft colors. Then with a shot of color here and there...like life. Muted and dull many days...with bursts of goodness and vibrancy to keep things interesting.

This past weekend was busy. Which is making today a bit rough. Not bad. Just slow...and foggy...like I could sleep for another week, straight. I think all of my responsibilities...family, school, work, home...are beginning to pile up on me. Then add to that the other things I decide I want to do...an artisan faire...a web site...helping family and friends do this, that or the other thing...and I am FULL. Not to mention getting ready for a trip to Belgium, forgetting daily to get my passport...putting together a message, a donation letter...and a book for crying out loud.

Before I started working at the bookstore I was able to give myself a "home day" now and then. A full day to putter around the house. To wash sheets and dry them in the sun. To scrub the floors and wipe down walls. To clean out some drawers and fill bags with donations. To hose off the porch. To make something...just for fun. To cook something long and slow on the stove top...that I just scrubbed nice and clean. To read my bible and listen to praise music...loud. To just stay home.

But now that I'm working four days a week, that has changed. It's changed because I have to go somewhere every day. I go to work Monday thru Thursday and on Fridays I go to our business office to do payroll and pay bills and such. Oh, and the best part...have lunch with my hubby...something I miss being able to do on a regular basis like we used to do. Hmmm...I didn't realize how much I missed that until I just wrote it...

Yeah...today is a bit rough. Not bad. Just rough. Maybe I'm doing too much...people warned me (yes...you...I know, I know..)...asked if I thought I could do it...of course I said, "Yeah! I can do it ALL!" But...I hadn't done it all yet...so what did I know!? Ha!

Anyway...I need to pray about this...ask God what He would have me do. And what He would have me let go. I'll let you know what He says...

**Go here to see who's responsible for these amazing photos.**

this is amazing...

Thank You!!

I got another Donation for my trip to Belgium.

Thank you SO very much my friend...I appreciate your support.

The donations I receive and the photos and note cards that I sell in the name of this ministry give me hope...and confirms that I am truly on the right track. I mean, I know I'm on the right track...but every once in a while that little voice says mean, discouraging things...and I wander into the land of doubt. So when someone comes along and lends support...it revives my hope...and my sureness of what I'm working toward.

Day by day...closer and closer...Belgium will be here sooner than I know!

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If you would like to make a Donation I have placed a Paypal Donate button in the left sidebar of my blog. All proceeds go toward sending me to Belgium in September on a ministry trip.

Read more about the ministry by clicking on the Belgium Project link, also in the top left sidebar of this blog.

Thank you...

what are you up to?

It's Saturday...it's sunny...it's breezy...it's a great day! So far it's been a slow morning of dishes and putting things away...washing bedding and folding laundry...scrubbing wood furniture with Murphy's Oil Soap...taking out garbage and recycling...clearing off my poor little nightstand...and watching a decent Hallmark movie.

Notice there's no shower in there anywhere? Yeah. That's next! I also have a paper to write...photos to turn into note cards...more laundry to do...Crock Pot chili to prep...and a couple of baseball games to watch. No big deal. (Huh?)

Anyway...a good day. Busy? Yes. But full of good stuff. I better get to it! Have a beautiful and blessed Saturday...xo

"on getting well"...

I received an email the other day...the subject was "on getting well". As a matter of fact, I received several emails the other day after I wrote the most recent Wednesday in the Word. And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for hearing me...for encouraging me...and most importantly, for sharing with me that you, too, are going through similar struggles.

Don't get me wrong. I don't wish struggles on anyone. I don't mean that in a "misery loves company" kind of way. What I do mean is that I am honored to be welcomed into your hearts and life. I am honored to be welcomed into your day to day...the good and the bad. I'm honored that God brought you into my lives...and me into yours. I'm honored that we've been given a heart connection that allows us to open up to one another.

I'm thankful that God brought this blog, of all crazy things, into my life. The Internet is a crazy thing...and hard to explain and understand. And it is full of awful, scary, unthinkable things. But...it is full of goodness, too. It is full of people, women, you, me...just trying to make our way through this life. It's full of kindred spirits longing to connect...to belong...to be heard.

I just want you to know that I hear you...and I pray for you. I want you to know that it is possible to "get well". It may seem impossible...or like the problems are too big...or have gone on too long...but with God all things are possible. Nothing is too big or too long-standing for Him...nothing. He's just waiting on you...waiting on you to want help. To want to get well.

I was told once that God is a perfect gentleman...He doesn't force Himself on anyone. He waits for an invitation. Invite Him in...

Wednesday in the Word

John 5:1-6

1 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

God brought this scripture to my mind yesterday morning. I was writing in my prayer journal...praying about Belgium and what I'll be sharing...I was making notes and writing scriptures...and then I heard that whisper, "Do you want to get well?"

Part of what I'm doing in preparation for Belgium is writing a small book to take with me. This little book is going to be about depression. It's going to be about God and His ability to be our Healer. It will be available for sale while in Belgium as we were encouraged to have a "merch table" (a table full of merchandise for sale...books, CD's, etc.) while we're there. The book is still being formed...in my heart and my mind...and every other day or so God gives me something to add to it...a scripture, a chapter title, a thought. Slowly but surely it's taking shape.

What's so interesting is that God birthed the idea of a book in my heart almost two years ago. I had no idea when this idea sparked in my heart what it would be...I just knew that God planted something within me, a desire to write...to share...to communicate. And I knew that if He planted it...He'd also tend it, water it, and help it to grow. I just need to be the willing vessel.

So yesterday I hear, "Do you want to get well?"

It's an important question. DO you?

I'll admit...there was a time that I didn't. I was comfortable right where I was at. It wasn't a good place...or a healthy place...or even a safe place. But it was a familiar place. And sadly, familiarity won over safe and good and healthy.

God asks this question for a reason. Because He wants us to be aware of where we're at emotionally. He wants us to realize that even though we beg God to do this or do that or heal this or heal that...maybe we really don't want to be better. Maybe we're pretty comfy right where we're at....whether it's good for us, or not. I was comfortable in my depression. I got to a place where it "worked" for me. It sounds sick, I know. But it's the truth. I knew my depression well enough that we figured out a way to co-exist. And I figured out a way to make it work in my favor. You know what this is called? Manipulation. And it's ugly.

I don't feel this way anymore. Yes, I still have bouts of depression. But when it hits, I don't entertain it. I don't welcome it in. I don't use it as an excuse. Not anymore. Now when it shows up I fight it with all my might. I fight it with prayer and with God's word and with praise music. I fight it with all I've got because it is no longer welcome here.

And so I feel like I have to ask you...do you want to get well? Is there anything you've been hanging onto that is not good for you anymore? You don't have to answer...unless you want to...and if you do, then you can be assured I will be praying for you. God didn't create us to be sick...or controlled...or to settle. He created us for GREAT things...He has plans for us...He has a plan for me...and a plan for YOU.

Do you want what God has for you? I do. I want every bit of it. But I needed to be "well" to be able to receive it. I needed to be focused on God and not on depression.

Do you want to get well?

Give it to God...let Him heal it. It's not easy, I know. And yes, it hurts. But like everything else...once it's healed, you hardly even know it was there. And then you're ready for the plans God has for you...and trust me, His plans are good.

deep thought.

I have so much going through my mind these past couple of days. I'm really kind of stuck in my head...and not in a bad way. There's just stuff that I'm processing that I am unable to articulate yet. Does that make sense?

It's all whirling around in there...in my head, that is...swirling and tumbling...good things and bad things colliding with one another.

And I'm doing my best to filter it all. I'm doing my best to think on things...determine if they're good for me, or not...and if they are, continue to think on them and expand those thoughts.

If they're not good for me...I do my best to get rid of them. I think on them...only to take the lesson that I need from them if there is one...then I dump it out.

I'm trying not to dwell.

I'm trying to focus on the good things.

I'm realizing that there is a season for everything. And through a painful and amazing process I'm coming to the realization that a season of my life is over. It's a strange feeling. Like an awakening. Like my heart is suddenly open...and exposed. And it's OK.

grateful.

Today I'm feeling grateful...grateful for so many things. Family, of course...and home and God's provision. Yes, I'm grateful for those things. Always. But today, I am especially grateful for our new church. I am blown away by the kindness of the people...the support they show...and the encouragement they give. I'm blown away by their sincerity. Their humility. Their love. It's an amazing feeling to know that you have people behind you...praying for you...supporting you...believing in you. It's an amazing feeling to know that you are exactly where you belong.