Now, some people don't like either one of these gals based on the sound of their voices. But if you can get past the voices and really hear the messages they share I'm sure you will be encouraged as much as I have over the years of listening to their messages. These two women, their messages and their books have been so instrumental in teaching me to battle depression and anxiety over the years through God's word, through prayer and through inner strength given to me by my trust in the Holy Spirit.
So...all of this to say...I watched my "church shows" this morning...and I gotta tell ya, Beth Moore spoke right to me. She spoke right to my heart, right to my situation, right to that empty spot in my heart that I've known is there but haven't really been able to pinpoint when she asked...
"Have you lost ground in your faith?"
It was like an arrow straight to the heart...it brought tears to my eyes. And I just closed my eyes and whispered, "Yes."
Yes. I have lost ground. A lot of it. And it makes me sad.
There was a time when my faith was so strong...when my prayer life was rich and consistent and intimate.
And I've lost that.
We stopped going to our "home church" of almost 10 years about five years ago. It was rough. It was heartbreaking. But it was also time.
We then attended a small church for a year after that. But once we left that little church (for similar reasons we had to leave our first church) we just haven't been able to find a church where we belong. We visited several churches...and enjoyed the music and the messages and the environment. But none of them said, "This is it." So...we've not been to church for almost four years now.
Over time we've gotten out of the habit of attending church. And over time, I became OK with that. And honestly, I'm still not sure how I feel about going back to church. Some days I really feel like we need to find the place that we belong. But other days...I'm content with not going.
But am I really content?
Honestly, I know that not being in church on a regular basis has affected my spiritual life greatly. I still love God, more than I can say. I still believe in the power of prayer and the power of worship. I do. I love God. And I seek His guidance every single day. But what I'm missing is the intimacy. I'm missing my morning quiet time with God, in prayer, reading His word and gearing up for my day with Him at the forefront.
I'm missing that. And I can feel it.
"Have you lost ground in your faith?"
Yes. I have. And now it's time to make my way back...to take back the ground that I once had. It's time to fight those feelings of contentment...of laziness...of fear...and gain back the spiritual ground I fought so hard to gain in the first place. It was a long, hard battle to get where I am in my spiritual life. I went from hopeless to hopeful. It took years, but I did it. To me, that is a complete miracle. And I could not have done it without God. I don't write of the depths of my depression here...but if you ask me, I will tell you, I was deep, deep in that pit. And I'm not anymore. All thanks and glory to God. It is a miracle, plain and simple.
I want to encourage you (if you're still here...I got a little chatty this morning...we can blame the coffee! ;) to watch Beth Moore's video this morning. It's about 17 minutes long, and hit me square between the eyes at about minute 12.
You were running a good race. Who cut in on you
to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion
does not come from the one who calls you.
-Galatians 5:7-8
Have you lost ground in your faith? Don't lose hope...keep running the race. Fight the good fight. God has so much more planned for us...if we will only have the courage to seek Him and live out our purpose.
1 comment:
another brave post!
I feel like we could talk about this over coffee for hours. I'm pretty certain I'm done going to church. As you know, hubbie doesn't go and I'm just done going alone. And, really Michelle - after having to get to work at 5am 5 days a week - I just really need a sabbath day - REST and not having to push to get out the door for one more thing especially in the morning. I still am very close to God - read Bible and pray (not enough of course). I should look up Beth Moore and I do like Joyce Meyer. I'm doing her 365 devotional actually.
thanks for opening up this conversation.
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