Tuesday, July 1, 2014

apparently I'm incapable of making just one list.

"Get a grip already." -Minnie

So I sat down to write my summer manifesto. (Doesn't it sound so romantic?) But as I'm writing this romantic manifesto of the wonderful things I want to do to fill my glorious summer days, somehow it turns into a to-do list...of all the chores and things I don't really want to do but that I really need to do.

So I go with it, begrudgingly. I keep writing...except for that now I'm also categorizing my list...to do, should do, want to. And suddenly the to-do's are shadowing the want-to's...and I can feel myself getting tense.

In my mind I begin telling myself, "Now Michelle, these to-do's are ALL the things you MUST get done before you do one single fun thing this summer."  Work now. Play later.

Then I get sad. And mad. And I sulk. And I set the list aside. And now the wind is gone from my sails. And I grumble about why do I even have time off in the summer anyway if I'm just gonna work, work, work the whole time.

Then I get a grip. And I bargain with myself, "OK Michelle, how about this? Each day you MUST do one chore on your to-do list before doing ANYTHING fun AT ALL."

I chew on this proposition a while. And think to myself that it's not a bad idea...it's a good compromise...but still something just isn't sitting right with me about the whole thing. I'm frustrated. And I'm pretty sure that's not what a manifesto is supposed to be about anyway. I'm pretty sure a manifesto is a list of the things you're going to do instead of chores and the daily grind to ensure that you have a pleasant summer vacation and don't let that time go to waste not having done anything enjoyable. Am I right?

But eventually, all this crazy making comes to a halt when I stop and take a look at the list. And really weigh out how long each to-do will take vs. how long each want-to will take. And really, the to-do's aren't really going to take all that much time. Honestly, I'm spending more time thinking about it and fighting it and arguing with myself about it and making list after list after list than it would take to just do the thang! I could be done with at least one of my big to-do's by now had I not spent so much time obsessing over what activity should be on what list and in what stinkin' order.

(This is how my mind works, folks. Are you exhausted yet? Yeah...me too.)

Good gravy, please tell me I'm not the only one that makes life so hard for themselves? I'm a mess! Do you have this inner dialogue? Do you make life hard for yourself? This is ridiculous!

Only I can take something that is supposed to be nice and fun and inspiring and turn it into drudgery and frustration. It's a wonder I get anything done at all...

OK. Deep breath. Shoulders back. Head up.

Now...back to those lists...they're gonna get written if it kills me...even if it's the only thing I actually DO this summer!

I'll keep you posted...

1 comment:

Denise said...

my sister left a comment on my instagram post about my 'afternoon manifesto' something along the lines of what about cleaning and laundry?

It is not that I am not going to do those things - I will and do. It is about making the other things a priority too!