I wrote this last week and then chickened out about posting it. I mentioned it in passing in a recent post and said to myself, "If anyone mentions it, I will post it." Well, someone did...so here it is.
My motivation is at ZERO. I made all these lists and I have yet to do anything on them. I'm doing the day to day stuff, of course. But other than that? Not much.
Is it because of the heat? Or because it's "that time of the month"? Am I a little depressed?
I'm thinking all of the above.
It took me a few days (and the act of writing this post...always interesting to see what comes out when I sit down to write) to realize that a little bit of depression has taken hold. Sometimes it sneaks up on me like that. In the past I would feel it coming and I would just brace myself and hope for the best. But as I've gotten better at recognizing it's impending arrival (and battling it off like a champ, I might add) it seems it has gotten a little sneakier.
So every now and then I realize that something just isn't right...and that's when it's time to recognize that depression has set in without warning. And rather than giving in to it I recognize it, and begin the process of getting through it.
After I recognize it, I tell someone about it, usually my husband. I have found that the simple act of saying, "I'm feeling a little depressed lately." instantly makes the depression lose its power over me. It's no longer a secret, and in my experience, that's where the depression held its power over me...in the secrecy, the shame and embarrassment. So now I call it out.
The next step is to take some time to think about what's causing it. Where did it come from? Did something specific happen? Is there something going on that I'm not dealing with?
It's also important during this time to be gentle with myself...move slow, get enough rest (but not too much, gotta get out of that bed!), stay calm. And put the to-do lists aside for now. I mean, stay productive, you don't want to sloth around. That definitely doesn't help the situation. But I don't put extra expectations on myself. Right now the main goal is to clear my head and to keep myself from slipping into the pit.
Have you heard of "the pit"? I spent way too much time in the pit, I'm sad to say. But then I read a book that changed how I handle depression... Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. Pretty sure I've recommended it before. But it's so good I will recommend it again. If you deal with depression I highly recommend it. It was without a doubt one of the most effective tools in helping me understand depression and helping me learn how to fight it effectively.
It doesn't mean that it doesn't still show up now and then...it does. But now I'm better equipped to fight it.
The good thing in all of this? Depression doesn't stay around as long as it once did. And I thank God for that...
(Did you notice I say "deal with" and not "suffer from" depression? VERY important...I deal with depression head on. I don't suffer from it...that would imply that I am a victim and I'm not. And neither are you.)
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And...as with all posts I write about depression or anxiety I feel the need to include a disclaimer:
Sharing this stuff is scary. And makes me feel extremely vulnerable...especially when I share while IN it. But I believe that God has a plan...and that there is a reason for everything...including His allowing me to deal with depression and anxiety. And for me the reason is always to draw me closer to Him, it's "the thorn in my side", if you will. And also to share with others that it is possible to get through it without medication but rather with prayer and leaning into God. So because God has allowed this, and because He brings me through it every single time, it is my responsibility to share it with you. The battle. The struggle. The process. The deliverance. The healing. The victory.
All that being said...there is no need to worry about me. Yes, I am battling depression today. But to be honest, I battle it every day, it seems that it is always lurking to some degree. It's just that some days are better or worse than others. That's all. And like always...I will get through it...God will make sure of it.