Monday, May 16, 2011

progress.


The beans are sprouting.

The lettuce is sprouting.

A sunflower is coming up. As are some cantaloupes.

Snap peas are growing and climbing...I love tendrils.

Tomatoes and peppers and squash are growing and blooming.

We installed the border for the lawn this weekend.
Now all we need is the sod and we're good to go.
This is incredibly exciting.

* * * * * * * *

I worked Friday night. I was going about my business of tidying shelves preparing for closing time when I stopped to answer a few questions for a nice couple shopping for some DVDs. It ended up, after a bit of conversation, that they asked if they could pray for me. I usually pray for customers. They don't pray for me.

But I said yes.
They prayed.
And God spoke to me so clearly...so very clearly. A sweet, loving whisper...

"It's time to forgive."

I have been holding on to some pain...to some wounds...to betrayals by someone I thought I could trust.

It's time to let them go.

I knew the hurts were there. But I didn't know I was allowing them so much power in my life.

I didn't know they were like a cork, stopping me in my tracks...paralyzing me...preventing me from moving forward...preventing me from being effective...preventing me from becoming the woman God created me to be. Preventing me from truly living and accomplishing my dreams.

There is progress in my life...on the outside.
Now I need to allow some progress on the inside.

It's time to let it go.

It's time to forgive.

This is not going to be easy.
I am really struggling with it.

But why would I hang onto something so ugly?
I don't need it. It's not doing me any good. At all.

My mind says to forgive but my heart still has a death grip on the hurt. A death grip...exactly. It's death to me. Hanging on to this crap is killing me. It's killing my soul...my life...my future.

It's time to forgive.

But maybe I'm not ready.
Maybe I don't want to..?
Rebellion.

But I have to.
Obedience.

Forgiveness.

It's for me. Not for you.


It's time to live..on purpose...forgive...and move on.

I have to do it because my love for
God is bigger than the pain.

It's time to let go.

It's time to forgive.

5 comments:

Lelainia N. Lloyd said...

Do not worry about the poeple from your past. There's a reason they didn't make it to your future. xo

Jennifer said...

hugs. hugs. and more hugs.

i know sometimes forgiveness can be a hard thing. just when i think i've got it completely beat, it shows up again.

the only thing i have found is that holding on to it, gives the other person a power over you they don't deserve. a power to continue hurting.

and i think you hit it right on mark about halfway through here. you are not forgiving for the other person, you are forgiving for yourself.

i'm no expert, but i say sit with it, speak it to God, then be still and see what God sends back.

in the meantime i'll send some prayers of my own, my friend.

Beegirl said...

Thanks for this. I've been praying to forgive someone too that I can't seem to let go of.. Why do we hang on so? Sending prayers your way and thinking of you.

Raining.again. Your garden looks great!, my peas are 3 inches tall and I planted them in MARCH.

Amy @ Homestead Revival said...

Oh, yes. This would need God's help! HE can help you forgive! And it may take forgiving again and again and again; like treating a wound with medicine. It takes a little while for the healing to completely take place. Do remember that the one who committed the offense is always worse off, but they just don't always know it. Pity them in their blindness and rejoice that you have seen the ugliness to deal with it!

Christina said...

let's do it together. you know how things are better in twos. we'll let go together. ready, set....
xoxo