grateful {the first post}

Do you ever just get so overcome with gratitude? Just...for everything? I do. Sometimes moved to tears thinking of all of the good, good things in my life...

• my hard-working husband who loves me...good, bad and ugly...thick and thin...steady and even-tempered...and that look, that only he can give...it tells me that I am loved. 
• a first-born...confident, creative, talented, driven, focused...on his way to living a good life. I miss him...so much my heart aches.
• my baby...who is not a baby at all, but a young man...a strong, capable, smart, determined, sure, dependable young man. I'm grateful for the few years I still have to enjoy him here...home with me.
• family...how I love my family...immediate and extended...I am literally surrounded by amazing, loving, giving, authentic family...my parent's, my brother and his family, aunts and uncles, cousins, once, twice, thrice removed...their wives and husbands...all of them...every single one of them...a-ma-zing, fun and real...blessed is what I am. Blessed.
• friends...true friends that I can laugh with, cry with, be my self with...good, bad and ugly...putting up with my strong-willed self, and sometimes too many curse words.
• a good job at a good school working with good, good people...we work hard together, support each other, encourage, and laugh! a lot!...what a blessing to enjoy going to work each day.
• a sturdy roof over my head...keeping me safe, and warm...protecting me, and those that I love. It's not a big roof, but it's our roof.
• food...a stocked pantry and fridge and freezer...so much more than so many.
• God...a good God who loves me, guides me, whispers to my heart...even when I'm not completely willing to listen.

Ya know, I complain. A lot. It's always something with me. But when I stop and think about it...really think about it, my life, those around me, all of the good things...it occurs to me that I really shouldn't complain at all. But rather, I should give thanks...over and over and over...that God has provided me with so many blessings...that He has surrounded me with incredible people...that He has given me so much...and none of it deserved...but every single thing a gift...and a blessing.

Thank you God...for a good life. 

Sunday morning...

xo

Nothing is for naught.

Everything has a purpose.

We don't always understand it.

And I guess we're not supposed to.

But we are supposed to learn from it.

And guide others through it.

Let the Light shine.

Others are counting on you.

contradictions...

Last week I wrote two posts that I (obviously) never posted. One I wrote about how grateful I am for this life of mine and the other I wrote about how this isn't what I signed up for.

I let both posts sit...going back and forth as to which one to post first. It seemed strange to cry about something in one post only to then share a post about how grateful I am...or vice versa.

So...I didn't share either one. And instead decided to share about my quandary...and will then share the posts later in the week...in the order I wrote them.

The way I look at it, this is how life is...at least for me, right now. And maybe always. There are always good things happening...blessings in the every day. But then on the other hand, there is always change and evolution and sometimes that can be hard to take.

So for today...I'm going to enjoy this nice, cool Saturday. So far I've cleaned the bathroom, emptied the kitchen sink and loaded the dishwasher, dusted the living room, tidied up our room a bit and hung up a lot of clothes. And in between it all I'm doing laundry, laundry, laundry.

The dishwasher is running...Titanic is on the tv...Ian is tidying his room...Chris is on an errand...and I am moving through the day, doing what needs to be done, and trying to process these thoughts that constantly run through my mind.

Wednesday in the Word

what mom's do.

I got a last minute invite from an old friend (and a fellow Cal Poly mom) to take a ride down to San Luis Obispo to visit our kids. It just so happened Seth was available and I could take a few hours off work Friday afternoon...so I said, "Sure!"

It was good to see him. He looked great...more mature, more confident, happy, content and even taller, maybe! When we first drove up to pick him up for dinner I jumped out of the car and hugged him for too long...who knew I missed him that much in only two weeks?

We ate and talked and listened and shopped. We found an area rug at the thrift store to warm his cold apartment floor, made a list over coffee then stocked up the fridge.

And when it was time to drop him off at his place I pretended that I was ready. But I wasn't. But I did it anyway. Because that's what mom's do. And then I cried as I drove away...almost as much as when we dropped him off the first time.

It's weird how I can be so happy and so proud yet so sad...all at the same time.

I guess that's what mom's do, too.

Sunday morning...

I've been saying this for months.

It's the "theme" of my testimony.

I was sharing it with a young lady once and as I spoke the words, 

I realized they were for me, too.

in the kitchen.

Remember all those tomatoes our friend gave us? Well, half of them were turned into tomato sauce. I was going to make lazy man's sauce, with the peels on. But in the end, as the skins were thick and tough, I peeled them.

I simmered the tomatoes with a bit of water, salt, crushed garlic, bay leaves, oregano and parsley. Not for long...maybe 40 minutes or so. Then I let it cool, ladled it into a zipper storage bag and popped it in the freezer. I plan to use it the next time I make homemade spaghetti sauce.

It was an easy, although not a quick, process. But the weather was cool and gray last weekend...perfect for spending time in the kitchen.