Have you ever read Anne Lamott? She is an amazing author, an inspiration for my inner writer. Her book Traveling Mercies changed the way I looked at faith...spirituality...sin...God. She views faith in such an honest and raw way that you can't help but relate. She's unlike any "christian" author I've read...and I've read quite a few. She doesn't tell you how you should do it, or the "right" way to do it. She tells you the way she is doing it...imperfectly. And she's not afraid to admit it. I admire her. (Every now and then I look to see if she's teaching any kind of a workshop...what a dream that would be, to take a workshop with her.)
Really, if we're honest, we are ALL doing this whole "walk of faith" (or lack thereof) imperfectly. We can't help it, really, humanity makes it that way. Just not everyone is willing to admit it. Some people think that walking with God, having faith, being a "believer", means that you have to do everything right and perfectly. Or at least act like you do, dress like you do, go to church like you do, smile and nod like you do, look like you do...on the outside.
But on the inside, I believe that most of us are still a bit of a mess. We are still all gnarled up, from life, from the past, from bad decisions that led to terrible consequences, from circumstances beyond our control that effected us in ways we never thought possible, from depression, or anxiety, or fear, or some other "condition" that the world tells us is unacceptable and if we just pop this pill or that pill it will all be fine. And don't worry about those pesky side-effects...there's a pill for those, too.
What a crock.
In case you haven't gathered, I'm not a fan of anti-depressants. Or ADD meds. Or ADHD meds. Or anxiety meds. Or many of the psychotropic meds for that matter. I believe they are cover-ups, numbing something deeper that needs to be dealt with and worked through. The pills don't make it go away. Only God can do that.
When I first began dealing with depression and anxiety God made it very clear to me that anti-depressants were not the answer. He let me know that HE would be my anti-depressant. And He has been.
The truth is, working through anxiety and depression has been just that, WORK. It has not been easy. It hasn't been an instant fix. It has been a long, hard, sad, dark, exhausting, depleting, frustrating, amazing, miraculous, incredible, beautiful journey. One that I wouldn't trade for anything. Over the years that God has walked with me through the darkness I have seen Him move in such incredible ways on my behalf. I have seen Him pull me out of pits that were so dark and so deep I thought I'd never get out. I have seen Him come down into that darkness and light the way.
He never left me nor forsake me. Ever. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it...
So. This is my story. And some might say, "Oh well that's all good and nice for you. How nice that God has done all these great things for you. But it's different for me."
OK. Sure. Point taken. Maybe it is different for you.
But, have you ever thought that...maybe it isn't? And that maybe God wants to do it for you, too?
I honestly believe God will do all these things for you, just like he is doing for me...it's just a matter of allowing Him to.
I mean, don't go dumping out all your pills and flushing them down the toilet. From what I understand there is a medically safe way to stop the pills. However, if you're reading this, and you believe God has whispered, "flush 'em", then pray, and decide from there. And if you get confirmation, do it, and don't look back. Because God is bigger than any "medically safe" approach. God is the safest approach. If He says it, you can believe it. No matter what it is.
(This whole rant came from out of nowhere. It was not planned. I was only going to post the Lamott quote and call it a Sunday morning blog post. But then I started writing. And before I knew it...this is where I ended up. So I went with it. I'm a little nervous to hit "Publish". But I'm going to do it anyway in hopes that while it may offend some, it will be even more beneficial for someone else.)