Wednesday in the Word

10 And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. 11 Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. 12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But he who endures to the end shall be saved.

Matthew 24:10-13

So there's this book at work (if you don't know, I work at the christian book store) that has been in my line of sight for quite some time. Over the past few months it has been recommended to me...twice. I have avoided it. (I have avoided a lot, actually.)

Yesterday, while at work, I saw it on the shelf. And I realized it was the last copy in the store. I grabbed it and set it on the back counter..."Fine...I'll think about it."

Work was steady...I helped customers and stocked shelves. After a while I had a moment of down time and decided to thumb through the book. I read a few paragraphs and knew...I had to read the whole thing. I bought it.

So what's the book? The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. The subtitle is, "Living Free from the Deadly Trap of Offense".

After months of being (sort of) quiet...and sitting (sort of) still...and being (very) confused...and (completely) frustrated...I think I've finally figured out the root of my stagnation: I feel offended.

I won't go into detail. Or give names or situations. I'm not sure who reads this blog. And I don't want to offend in return.

And besides it's not necessary to rehash past hurts. Not anymore at least.

I will admit...rehashing...talking it to death...telling "my side"...has felt good. I have felt justified in all of it. But you know...the bottom line is, all of this ugliness that I keep revisiting, that I keep alive and well by dwelling on it...it's not good for me. It's not healthy. It's like a dark cloud hovering over me...and as much as I like the clouds, this one is ominous. And it's sucking the life out of me.

So. What to do?

Stop it.

Stop talking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop justifying my feelings of hurt and anger and frustration and confusion. It is what it is. People act the way they act. And say the things they say. And I have absolutely no control over any of that. I can only control myself. And that's what I need to focus on.

I've rehashed this stuff for long enough. I've dwelled long enough. No more.

Easier said than done, right? I know. That's why I bought the book. I'm stuck. And I'm hoping that this book is going to help me see things from God's perspective and not my own. I don't want to be stuck anymore. I've been stuck long enough. I want to be free to become the woman God created me to be.