the skinny.

I took this a long time ago...

I'm feeling really good lately...feeling like I'm doing "the right thing". I feel like every step I take is leading me in the "right" direction. (I use "quotes" only because what I'm doing is "right" for ME. I'm not saying that it's "right" for everyone. We all have unique callings and need to follow God's lead.)

So I've mentioned a time or two...I finally signed up for college courses again. And as soon as I did it was as if my world suddenly calmed, my confusion about life and where I was in all of it just disappeared and in an instant everything stopped spinning. What I'm doing (going back to school) may not be for everyone...just like other endeavors weren't "the right thing" for me. Things like making a living using my creativity. Been there, done that. And while it was fun and made me a little bit of grocery money, it wasn't "it". I wanted it to be. I really, really wanted to make a living being creative and making things and selling things. But...it didn't work out.

Then I thought I might turn Give a Girl a Fig into a money-maker...sell ad space, network, offer stuff...and for a minute it looked like it might work. But as I put my efforts into that there was a part of me that was still spinning, still confused, still...out of God's will.

Over this past year I took my life into my own hands and made decisions based on fear, confusion and frustration. The more I tried to figure it all out and manipulate it to work how I thought it should the more confused I got. Basically I turned my back on God. Not that I was denying Him...or mad at Him...or didn't love Him...or didn't hear from Him...or follow Him. I did all of those things. I love God. With all my heart. But there was a little part of me (or maybe a big part of me) that said, "Fine, God. I'll just do it myself then. Because YOU are not making it happen fast enough. So, thanks, anyway. I'll take it from here."

As soon as I took matters into my own hands...I took them out of God's.

And He let me. He's like that.

So now it's a year later...almost to.the.day. It's been a year of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.
No-where.
A whole year...wasted.

However, because God is perfect and good and loving and creative, He let's nothing go to waste. While I could say this year has been wasted, that wouldn't be completely true. Yes, I wasted a year of my precious time. But God did NOT waste that year of His time. He put all of that time to perfect use. During this past year God utilized all of my confusion, my discontent, my frustration, my hurts, my insecurities, my anger and He turned it all into something useful.

All of it. Every last little bit.

And now in hindsight I can see it. Isn't that always the case?

But that's OK...because now I can move forward knowing, without a doubt, that I am walking in His will. I am sure of it. This doesn't mean I may not stray down my own path now and then. I am ME after all...a bit stubborn, a bit dense, a bit...oh look! a butterfly!...you get what I'm saying? I may get a little distracted.

But I believe that the next time this happens (IF it happens! thinking positive here!)...the next time I'm feeling dizzy and confused and stuck...that I will stop and remember God's plan for me, realize I've taken a detour He did not set before me and get back on the path He's paved for me.

As for the past year and all He's taught me and shown me...I still want to share. And I will...when He wants me to.