Thursday, October 14, 2010

trying to figure things out...

Can I just say I'm not sure what the heck I'm doing? Can I just say that I'm totally unsure of my future right now? I feel like I'm spinning in circles...like that game where you put your head on the end of a baseball bat, spin around and around and then try to walk a straight line. That's me. I'm trying to walk a straight line right now but can't seem to get my focus.

All last year I had a goal: get to Belgium. In the meantime I was also taking college courses and working part-time at the book store. I was pretty busy last year. I had a goal. I was (pretty much) focused. (I'm never totally focused...I tend to be a bit flighty....distracted by shiny objects...but I try!)

So...lo and behold...I got to Belgium (thanks to many of you I might add). And God was good in all of it. And I fulfilled what God sent me to do. I was obedient. And I came home changed. But now what? All of that momentum and now I'm suddenly just sort of...coasting. And...it's OK, I guess. I know God is doing something...I know He's preparing me for the next phase of my walk with Him. And I know that I gathered up so many tools for future ministry while in Belgium . And I know that now I'm in the "wait" stage. But I am so bad at waiting.

Waiting is hard. But it's necessary. Waiting can also be referred to as "trusting". Trusting God is necessary because it builds relationship with Him. Trusting Him keeps me close to Him, tethered to Him, pressing into Him.

Do I trust God enough to wait on Him? Do I trust God enough to realize that His timing is perfect and mine is not...ever? Do I trust God enough to continue forward, even if I'm a bit dizzy and out of sorts, knowing that He is guiding my every step and that He is leading me to something good?

Yes. I do. I trust Him completely. Because He is trustworthy...period.

3 comments:

Mari said...

Amen Sister..He will guide.
Enjoy the rest, while you can.

We are trusting too...making some hug decisions that will bring so much change to our lives. I want to blog about it, but haven't had time, and I need to be cautious until it's a given.
So all that to say...I am praying for you through this time and adjustment...please pray for us. We have a house to sell...and FAST! That is a big trusting God thing for me. I really, more than you know, want to see Him do this for us very easily and quickly.

Love you.
xoxo

Nancy said...

i think coasting can also be translated to being quiet...listening. you'll know what you're doing when he wants you to know.

Sarah { bee house hives } said...

transitioning from one thing to the next is tough work. in the "middle time" know that i am praying for you michelle.. lots of love :)