Wednesday in the Word

Hi Jenna. 

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

 he delivers them from all their troubles. 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles,

 but the Lord delivers him from them all;

Psalm 34:17-19

A friend shared this with me yesterday...

it was too good not to pass along to you, too.

Sunday morning..

The devil on his best day didn't 

take you out on your worst day. 

- Christine Caine

Always remember...

You are stronger than you think you are.

God loves you.

And He's got you in the palm of His hand.

:::

Wednesday in the Word

From the ends of the earth I call to you,
    I call as my heart grows faint;
    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Psalm 61:2

Sunday morning...

when the weather cools.

from scratch this morning...even though I don't bake...frozen strawberries,
not enough sugar, but still edible, apparently...more than half are gone already.

The temperatures are steadily dropping. I have been wearing a sweater in the morning on the way to work. Yesterday I even turned on the heat in my car.

Good things happen when the weather cools...I feel myself coming to life, the weight of stifling heat is lifted and I finally feel like I can breathe.

I plan meals...and actually make them. Meals like chili and chowder and slow-cooked roast. I don't know if there's anything more comforting than something simmering on the stove on a crisp, cold day. Come to think of it, I spend a lot more time in the kitchen and things like muffins and hearty breakfasts get made.

And as you can imagine, this makes my family happy. Nothing like waking up to something good in the kitchen.

making sense of it all. {the second post}

Sometimes, when I really stop and think about it, life doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense that sometimes I feel like I'm 7...or 15...or 24. And now all of a sudden I'm closer to 50 than to 40.

It doesn't make sense that my grandparents are no longer here on this earth. How can such a huge part of my life just all of a sudden be gone? I think of them every day. And I miss them so much...still. Death...while a part of life...makes no sense to me.

It makes no sense that when the stick turns pink you say, "I'm having a baby." And that's what I agreed to, having babies. But they grew...and changed...and matured. And I did my best to enjoy each stage. I did my best to guide them through to the next phase...sometimes doing a good job...sometimes failing miserably.

And suddenly they're voices changed, they grew taller than me, they stopped playing Lego's and video games...and they became men. And I love them. But I signed up to have babies. I didn't agree to having grown men...who grow up, mature, get lives, and leave the safety of this little nest we created over time. I didn't agree to that. 

The past few years have been a wake-up call...the loss of Noni and Papa really brought home the realization that grandparent's don't live forever. And if grandparent's don't live forever, that must mean parent's don't either. And so it goes...on down the generations. 

And now...with Seth gone...and Ian driving...and the moments of my own life continuing to tick away...it's such an unbelievable realization, isn't it? That this is it...each day...going through the same motions...waking and sleeping...working and eating and go, go, going. And then one day, it's just...over.

It all seems kinda cruel, doesn't it? 

Birth...growth...life...death... sometimes it's so surreal to me, and makes no sense. 

Yet in the midst of it all are these beautiful moments...wonderful memories...tucked away in the corners of my mind...to take out and reminisce over now and then...gifts. 

I don't know...I really have no idea where I'm going with this whole thing. I'm trying to handle it all with grace...and wisdom. But sadness and fear and reality set in...and I realize that the only thing I can control in all of this is how I handle it all. Some days, I do pretty good. Others? Not so much. 

But I guess that's just part of life, too...growing, right along with those little babies of mine. And while sometimes I am so sad that the days of them being little is behind us, I do look forward to seeing them grow and mature and venture out on their own. It's what we've raised them to do...live independently of us...fly the coop...live their own lives. 

That was our dream for them all along...it's what we have worked for. This was the goal. I just wish that would make this all a little bit easier. 

Wednesday in the Word

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Philippians 4:11-13

I wish I could say that I truly have learned contentment in "any and every situation". That's one of the (many) things I'm still working on...xo

grateful {the first post}

Do you ever just get so overcome with gratitude? Just...for everything? I do. Sometimes moved to tears thinking of all of the good, good things in my life...

• my hard-working husband who loves me...good, bad and ugly...thick and thin...steady and even-tempered...and that look, that only he can give...it tells me that I am loved. 
• a first-born...confident, creative, talented, driven, focused...on his way to living a good life. I miss him...so much my heart aches.
• my baby...who is not a baby at all, but a young man...a strong, capable, smart, determined, sure, dependable young man. I'm grateful for the few years I still have to enjoy him here...home with me.
• family...how I love my family...immediate and extended...I am literally surrounded by amazing, loving, giving, authentic family...my parent's, my brother and his family, aunts and uncles, cousins, once, twice, thrice removed...their wives and husbands...all of them...every single one of them...a-ma-zing, fun and real...blessed is what I am. Blessed.
• friends...true friends that I can laugh with, cry with, be my self with...good, bad and ugly...putting up with my strong-willed self, and sometimes too many curse words.
• a good job at a good school working with good, good people...we work hard together, support each other, encourage, and laugh! a lot!...what a blessing to enjoy going to work each day.
• a sturdy roof over my head...keeping me safe, and warm...protecting me, and those that I love. It's not a big roof, but it's our roof.
• food...a stocked pantry and fridge and freezer...so much more than so many.
• God...a good God who loves me, guides me, whispers to my heart...even when I'm not completely willing to listen.

Ya know, I complain. A lot. It's always something with me. But when I stop and think about it...really think about it, my life, those around me, all of the good things...it occurs to me that I really shouldn't complain at all. But rather, I should give thanks...over and over and over...that God has provided me with so many blessings...that He has surrounded me with incredible people...that He has given me so much...and none of it deserved...but every single thing a gift...and a blessing.

Thank you God...for a good life. 

Sunday morning...

xo

Nothing is for naught.

Everything has a purpose.

We don't always understand it.

And I guess we're not supposed to.

But we are supposed to learn from it.

And guide others through it.

Let the Light shine.

Others are counting on you.

contradictions...

Last week I wrote two posts that I (obviously) never posted. One I wrote about how grateful I am for this life of mine and the other I wrote about how this isn't what I signed up for.

I let both posts sit...going back and forth as to which one to post first. It seemed strange to cry about something in one post only to then share a post about how grateful I am...or vice versa.

So...I didn't share either one. And instead decided to share about my quandary...and will then share the posts later in the week...in the order I wrote them.

The way I look at it, this is how life is...at least for me, right now. And maybe always. There are always good things happening...blessings in the every day. But then on the other hand, there is always change and evolution and sometimes that can be hard to take.

So for today...I'm going to enjoy this nice, cool Saturday. So far I've cleaned the bathroom, emptied the kitchen sink and loaded the dishwasher, dusted the living room, tidied up our room a bit and hung up a lot of clothes. And in between it all I'm doing laundry, laundry, laundry.

The dishwasher is running...Titanic is on the tv...Ian is tidying his room...Chris is on an errand...and I am moving through the day, doing what needs to be done, and trying to process these thoughts that constantly run through my mind.

Wednesday in the Word

what mom's do.

I got a last minute invite from an old friend (and a fellow Cal Poly mom) to take a ride down to San Luis Obispo to visit our kids. It just so happened Seth was available and I could take a few hours off work Friday afternoon...so I said, "Sure!"

It was good to see him. He looked great...more mature, more confident, happy, content and even taller, maybe! When we first drove up to pick him up for dinner I jumped out of the car and hugged him for too long...who knew I missed him that much in only two weeks?

We ate and talked and listened and shopped. We found an area rug at the thrift store to warm his cold apartment floor, made a list over coffee then stocked up the fridge.

And when it was time to drop him off at his place I pretended that I was ready. But I wasn't. But I did it anyway. Because that's what mom's do. And then I cried as I drove away...almost as much as when we dropped him off the first time.

It's weird how I can be so happy and so proud yet so sad...all at the same time.

I guess that's what mom's do, too.

Sunday morning...

I've been saying this for months.

It's the "theme" of my testimony.

I was sharing it with a young lady once and as I spoke the words, 

I realized they were for me, too.

in the kitchen.

Remember all those tomatoes our friend gave us? Well, half of them were turned into tomato sauce. I was going to make lazy man's sauce, with the peels on. But in the end, as the skins were thick and tough, I peeled them.

I simmered the tomatoes with a bit of water, salt, crushed garlic, bay leaves, oregano and parsley. Not for long...maybe 40 minutes or so. Then I let it cool, ladled it into a zipper storage bag and popped it in the freezer. I plan to use it the next time I make homemade spaghetti sauce.

It was an easy, although not a quick, process. But the weather was cool and gray last weekend...perfect for spending time in the kitchen.