day by day.

This is a busy week...and so far, so good. I'm about halfway through.

I actually remembered all my errands after work today...which included a trip to the next town over...which for some reason always seems so.far.away. And I can only go there if I have more than just one thing to do. It's only about 10 miles away. Not sure what that's about...but...it is what it is.

There is a big wrestling tournament this weekend at the high school. Ian won't be wrestling as it's for varsity only. But he will be working at it...keeping time, keeping score, etc. I volunteered to make pounds and pounds of chicken thighs for the snack bar. I'm doing that right now...I'm just about to chop up the last many pounds and I will be ready to deliver them to the lady in charge. Then tomorrow and Saturday I will work a couple shifts in the snack bar to help out.

I like helping out with kid related things. I have since the boys were in grade school. Now that they're older there aren't as many opportunities to help but I do a little here and there. I figure I better get in all my volunteer time over the next four years until Ian graduates. Crazy to think about that!

And as if it's not enough to think about that...Seth just applied for four colleges last night! He'll apply for two private schools in January and then we'll wait patiently. I don't even know where the time has gone....

Tomorrow afternoon is our office party. It should be fun...I work with so many great people. There will be food, of course, a white elephant gift exchange, and plenty of laughter, I imagine.

It's supposed to rain all weekend...which is great. You know I love the rain. But it would be even better if I didn't have obligations! Rainy weekends beg for warm soups simmering, cozy sweaters and baking. But no worries, I have a feeling I'll squeeze a little of that in, too...gonna make the most of this weekend!

Artist. Mother.

Came across this trailer via enhabiten. 

(It was 10 minutes well spent.) 

The women make sense to me, perfect sense. 

(Oh, and there's a little language, just so ya know.)

Sunday morning...

* * * * *

He covers the sky with clouds;
    he supplies the earth with rain
    and makes grass grow on the hills.

Psalm 147:8

This week off went by so fast. It was nice. And quiet. I stayed close to home...that's always good in my eyes.

I made a list of things to do at the beginning of the week...and I didn't do so bad checking things off! I didn't get them all done...but there's still today. The fat lady hasn't sung yet!

I ended up getting a migraine Friday night...one of the worst I've had in a long time. I get them all the time, but I am usually able to catch them right away, take my medicine, lay down for a bit and it usually goes away. This one? No. I was down for the count. And since I didn't catch it in time (which really isn't fair to say, as it didn't give me much warning this time at all.) I have been in a bit of a migraine haze all weekend.

Even still, today is the day to get ready for another week of work and school. There's laundry to do and menus to plan. The house needs a good dusting and the vacuum needs to be run. But that will have to wait as everyone else is still sleeping away.

Come to think of it, I think I will take advantage of the quiet a little longer...a hot shower, a quick breakfast and a little more coffee. Sounds good to me...

Enjoy your day. xo

The problem with being creative...

...is that I want to try and do and make so many things!

I have loved to create as far back as I can remember.

When I was four I wanted to be an artist when I grew up.

I loved cutting and pasting and finger-painting in kindergarten.

In the first grade my friend Nick and I made a whole family out of clay, along with many household accessories like chairs, tables, baby bottles, pillows, even a pacifier. Mrs. Tarr was so impressed she had Nick and I march our little selves, along with our clay family, right down to the office to share with Mr. Palmer, our principal.

In the second grade if we finished our times tables test first we got to choose which activity we wanted to do next. I chose Art...every.single.time.

In the third grade I wrote and illustrated a book. It was titled Kathy (?) and it was about a girl who wanted a baby brother or sister and ended up getting both because, wouldn't you know it, mom had twins! My mom still laughs about it (and even still has it)...but hey, I was 8!

Over the years I have continued to be creative, always dabbling in something...sewing, painting, collage, assemblage, print-making,  photography. But dabbling can be problematic. To dabble in many things means to not master any one thing.

I have been wanting to do something creative for...months. Photography only satisfies my creative side so much. I want to make things. Tangible things. But there are so many things I want to do that I can never decide just what to do.

I came to this realization the other day while looking through my Pinterest creative files. I figured I could look through my Pins and decide what I wanted to make based on ideas I had seen. But the problem is that I want to do so many things that once I start looking I can't decide where to even start.

So...I don't.
And then nothing gets made.
And then I get frustrated.

I have made lists. I have made files. I have Pinned until I can't Pin anymore. I have ripped pages out of magazines. I have purchased supplies. I have printed tutorials. I have done everything but make something for some time now.


What's a girl to do?

{thankful}

Happy 

Thanksgiving.

xo

Wednesday in the Word

I will give you thanks, for you answered me; 
you have become my salvation.

Psalm 118:21

Giving thanks...today, tomorrow, and every day.

on break.

I am up and at 'em....ready for the day. I'm showered, dressed and I even have mascara on.

I have already dropped Ian off at wrestling practice and will soon be at the grocery store. I was going to go straight to the store after dropping Ian off but realized that I was hungry...and we all know what happens when we shop while we're hungry. So I came home and ate a bagel.

Then, I made the mistake of turning on Live with Kelly and Michael. Now I'm not sure if I'll be heading to the store before 10am. Michael Strahan is hilarious. I got hooked on this show over the summer and don't get to watch it now that I go to work early. So this is like a treat!

Anyway...eggs are on my grocery list. I don't like to buy eggs. I have chickens for crying out loud. But they are taking a break, I guess. And it's not even that cold yet! But I don't blame them...they're coop is a muddy mess, they haven't had any good greens in a while and I haven't let them out to free-range for a long time.

So...buying eggs it is. Especially if I want to do any baking.

I know, I know...baking isn't my "thing". But I've been making muffins for us all to take in the morning for our breakfast and it's working out great. So I will keep that up...at least while the weather is cold. Not to mention I have some ripe bananas that are begging to be turned into banana bread.

Remember the list of things I will be doing over the break? So far I'm off to a good start! We painted the bathroom yesterday! I'll share the results tomorrow...it's nothing fancy, but it's a lot better than it was.

OK...off to the store.

Have a great day!

This week I will...

...be off of work for the week...a school district employee perk.
...spend time in the kitchen...cooking, baking, organizing.
...paint the bathroom (with my hubby's help ;)
...take time to do something creative.
...fill a few more bags for donation.
...enjoy the rain.
...spend the holiday at mom's with my family.
...miss family that won't be there.
...sleep in.
...enjoy being around my boys.
...avoid crowds.
...move slow.
...organize some paperwork and take care of some business.
...take pictures.
...purge...there is too much stuff in this little house of ours.
...love.
...encourage.
...breathe.

quote

“...it was her habit to build up laughter out of inadequate materials.” 

-Grapes of Wrath

deep thoughts and gray days.

I was in the backyard gathering more pecans a little while ago. The air was cold and still. And it was quiet, save for the leaves crunching under my feet, an occasional pecan falling from the tree and the chickens scuffling over a few more tomatoes I'd found ripened in the compost heap.

I gathered the pecans, dropping them into an old coffee can. And I listened...to the quiet sounds of things getting ready for a winter's rest.

My thoughts are all over the place, still. It seems to be the norm as of late. Thinking, thinking all the time...about things I can control...and things I can't. About change...and the direction my life is taking without my consent, really.

It just happens, doesn't it? Change. Growth. Life...and death.

It just happens...whether we like it or not. Whether we are ready or not. Life goes on, as the saying goes. The second hand on the clock continues to move steadily round and round. It never stops. Sometimes I just watch it go and go. Sometimes I can't.

It's so crazy to think about, really. Do you ever feel like that? Sometimes I just think about time, and life and how strange it all is and how day after day we just move along...sleeping, waking, working, eating, feeding, moving, worrying, breathing, pressing, crying, laughing, missing, living.

Life is weird. And hard.

And sometimes, if I'm honest, I don't get it.

And if I'm real honest, sometimes I feel like a pawn in God's big game of life. I don't think it would make God mad to say that...He can handle my feelings...my questions...my frustration...my doubt.

I don't doubt Him. Or His existence. Ever.

But sometimes I doubt the process. Sometimes I don't get it. I don't always feel a part of it. Sometimes I feel like I am just outside of it and it's all a bit muffled and out of reach.

I wish I could blame the gray skies and the chill in the air on this melancholy. But for me these thoughts are a constant undercurrent...maybe the depression that lurks...maybe just life.

Maybe I think too much.

Maybe I need to realize that some things just can't be figured out...or controlled. They just need to be lived through...pushed through...moved through.

Maybe I need to realize that God is in control...and time is in His hands.

And so am I.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
³ For I am the Lord your God,

Isaiah 43:2

Do you ever get tired of thinking about food?

Food. Sometimes it seems like it's all I think about.

Read the grocery ads. Make the lists. Prepare the (very tight) budget. Check what I have on hand. Make more lists. Make a menu. Go to the store. Walk up and down the aisles...yes, even the middle ones. Try and stick to the lists...but usually don't...a few good deals sneak their way into the basket.

The menus are only for dinners. Lunch is another animal altogether.

When the boys were in grade school I packed their lunch every day. They didn't like the yucky school lunches. They bought them for a while but three lukewarm chicken nuggets and chunky chocolate milk didn't satisfy them (duh) so they'd come home starving. I ended up feeding them a full meal after school anyway so I figured I'd save us the couple of bucks we were paying for school "lunch" and send them with a healthy bag lunch.

(On a side note, I cannot believe what they feed children in our schools. It is not nutritious. It is not satisfying. It is not FOOD. It is garbage. Empty calories. Some of these kids have to eat it every day...sometimes twice if they are on the free food program. And we wonder why kids are bouncing off of walls and having trouble focusing? They don't need a pill, they need healthy, nutritious FOOD. To call it a "nutrition department" is a joke.)

Once the boys got into junior high they preferred to buy their lunches. Middle schools sell "better" food....nachos, burritos, soft pretzels, pasta. And honestly, when I was working at the middle school, while the food didn't look the most healthy, it looked fairly edible if you look from the eyes of a 13 year old. Was it filling? For a while. Was it nutritious? I don't think so.

Now that the boys are in high school and our budget has tightened up a bit I have been compromising with them for lunch. I give them enough cash to buy a chicken Caesar salad, a slice of pizza or a sandwich  and then they take a bottle of water or Gatorade, a granola bar or some nuts, some chips or Chex mix and some fruit. (And a treat if I have any!)

I have been making muffins for us to take on the go, too, now that the weather has cooled down enough to use the oven. (Although I made some the other day that contained no flour and they turned out concave and chewy. Won't be using that recipe again!)

I don't plan breakfasts. Many mornings I whip up a smoothie for the boys and myself (Chris doesn't care for them...he opts for a banana and a muffin, if I've made some.). Ian supplements with a couple of waffles. And on days when I have time I will make them a breakfast sandwich. OR when I am really organized, they can warm up a frozen breakfast burrito that I made over the weekend in an attempt to think ahead.

As if that's not enough, now I have to help Ian maintain his wrestling weight. This requires not just planning a menu, but planning a healthy, low-fat menu. We eat mostly healthy and balanced meals most of the time. But sometimes something is on the menu because it was on sale. And came in a package. (Gasp!) Or it includes gravy. And butter. What can I say?

See what I mean? Feeding a family requires a LOT of thinking about food.

And sometimes I don't want to think about it.

But most of the time I love feeding my family. I am grateful that I am able to think about it, plan for it, acquire it and feed my family. Not all mothers can say that. Some mothers have nothing to give their children. And many of them are reliant on (or at least take advantage of) free food programs to feed their children. I could go on and on about this...but I won't. Not today.

Because you know why? I have the day off of work today...darn furlough days....and I have to run to the grocery store. Imagine that?

Election Day

Today is the day.
I haven't always cared about politics.
Or about who led our country.
Now I do. Very much.
And I feel fortunate to be able to cast my vote.
I'm excited to get to the polls.
And a little nervous about the outcome.
Either way, GOD is in control.
And I will trust Him no matter what.