Friday, September 3, 2010

all this rest is wearing me out!

Wait. Did I just say "rest"? Rest? What's that?

Thank goodness I work for a nice establishment that, without batting an eyelash, gave me 3 weeks off before my trip as well as two weeks off including my 10 days in Belgium. Thank GOODNESS. And while it hasn't been "rest"'s been good. It's been necessary. It's been a blessing.

So while I've been "resting" (Can you see me holding up my quotation fingers? Can you read the sarcasm? Good...just making sure.)...I've also been packing and preparing and cooking and writing and thinking about writing and thinking about packing and thinking about flying and thinking about sleeping and thinking, thinking, thinking!!

Thinking. This is where I get into trouble. I think too much. I try and figure it all out and think ahead to make sure I've got everything covered. I think and think and think until suddenly I'm completely overwhelmed...completely worried...completely freaked out...and completely anxious.

If you've been with me here at Give a Girl a Fig for any amount of time you know I deal with depression. And so you may also know that it's the main topic I'll be sharing about with those we visit in Belgium. Sadly, and quite commonly, anxiety often comes as a package deal with depression. For many the two go hand in hand. (Like cute little best friends...or in this case, more like the creepy twins in The Shining!) Over the past few months I've been doing really good...keeping a positive attitude. Saying that I was excited to go and not nervous or scared. Words have power, right?

Well, this last week...this last stretch...hasn't started off so great. The past two days have been rough. I cried a lot. Doubted a lot. Quit a lot. Decided I just wasn't gonna go a lot. It has been a struggle to say the least. But then I finally got a grip and remembered to PRAY a lot. Duh. Why does it take so long to remember to DO that sometimes? As much as I love God and trust Him you'd think it would be my first reaction. isn't always. Many times I go along with the fear and the doubt. I agree with it and allow it to dictate my thoughts. For a while anyway. And then I remember...God is with me. He is for me. He wants good for me all of my days. He loves me and cares for me.

So I call on Him. And He answers...every time.

It's times like these that I'm reminded of the words of Jesus...

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Matthew 11:28-29

Thank you, Jesus...

So just a bit ago I realized I was working myself up into a tizzy again. I was trying to figure out all I needed to do and when I needed to do it and how was I gonna have time to do this and this and this and this? As I stood in the shower getting more and more crazy I finally just said, "God, I'm a mess! Please list out my day for me. What do YOU want me to do and WHEN? Set out my schedule for me because I am just making a big mess of it all!"

And would you believe? (Of course you will...!) He did. Just like that. Man, He's good. SO GOOD.

Following His guidance will give me rest for my soul.... to DO it!

Be blessed today...God is good and He loves you!


Anonymous said...

I love the way you write. It is like you are sitting right next to me just a talking away. Find rest this weekend. No labor : )

take good care.

Sarah { bee house hives } said...

i agree, like sitting right with you :)
thinking of you!

Juli said...

What a wonderful part of your journey! I'm so glad for you and glad for all those who will benefit.

Love and blessings and all good things for your trip and beyond :)

Tia said...

My prayers and warm wishes are with you. Enjoy this part of your life journey. Smile and enjoy. God will take care of all the details, at home and afar.

Nancy said...

prayers for a safe and wonderful journey, dear friend. god is gonna be right there with you.