Give a Girl a Fig

Wednesday in the Word.

2012-02-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

~ Acts 1:7-8

And isn't this always so much easier said than done?

Yes...

But not impossible.

Remember, God knows what we need, when we need it.

We, on the other hand, don't. We want what we want when we want it.

And what we want isn't always necessarily what we need.

God's timing...it's perfect.

Even if sometimes I think it's a little late. ;)

no rhyme or reason.

2012-01-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

Who DID that?

Well...I gotta admit, yesterday's post took a way different turn than I intended.

I was going to tell you about the geese Ian and I saw flying overhead the other day. And the migration of little black birds we saw at sunrise on Saturday morning while driving down the highway to the wrestling tournament. It was amazing...thousands of birds as far as the eye could see in both directions...it had to have been miles.

I was going to tell you that my job ended...and there isn't another one in sight...yet.

I was going to tell you about the chickens and that I let them out to free-range for a while Sunday morning while I cleaned their pen...and they were happy. (And well behaved...ahem.)

I was going to tell you how if I don't have to leave the house...I won't. And how I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

I was going to tell you about some more recipes.
I still will.
But not today.

I had a lot to talk about yesterday...but instead, I wrote about my walk with God...as I do now and then. It poured out...and I let it. Sometimes I feel unsure about what comes out here at Give a Girl a Fig. I don't want to turn anyone off from church...or worse yet, turn anyone off from God. I hope I make it VERY clear that church and God are two totally different things. I hope it's clear that my journey at this point is about making sense of "organized religion" and the people in the church and not about making sense of God. God always makes sense. Even when I don't understand. That's just how He is.

Give a Girl a Fig is a place for me to sit and talk with kindred spirits (likeYOU) that God has brought into my life through the crazy world of the Internet. It's a place to walk my walk with God...out loud...through the good times and the bad times (if were talking "church talk" I'd say something like "through the mountains and the valleys"). It's a place to walk my journey with God with others...with you. Because what I'm learning is that walking this journey with God is best when walking it with others.

And ultimately, now that I think about it, that is what church is for. Church is an opportunity to gather with like-minded people who will join you on the mountain tops and in the valleys and who will pray with you through it all. I have to continue to remind myself that church is not full of perfect people that do all the right things and say all the right things and who never hurt one another's feelings. I mean, come on. Churches are full of people. And people are imperfect and will make mistakes. As the song says...love them anyway.

Yesterday's post surprised me...as my posts often do when God is in the mix. I come here to write and to share with whoever chooses to read my ramblings. But every once in a while, as I write to you, God writes to me...to us.

My greatest hope is that as you read my words...you also hear His. Sometimes you may have to read between the lines as my words can be jaded and opinionated at times. (ahem!) But in the end...when all is said and done...the bottom line is that I love God. And I trust Him. And I hope spending time here encourages you to do the same.

murmuration...

2012-01-30T10:05:00.000-08:00

Murmuration...the act of murmuring or a flock of starlings. I am loving this word. I feel like it should mean more...

Oh wait...look what I found:

1. a low, continuous sound, as of a brook, the wind, or trees, or of low, indistinct voices.

2. a mumbled or private expression of discontent.

Hmmm..."a low, continuous sound...of low, indistinct voices." That is so interesting to me given my spiritual state of mind lately. Whose voice have I been listening to?

I had another breakthrough at church last night. I really do love this little church we've been attending. The pastor is great...his wife is great...the people are great...the worship is great...but then there I am, stuck behind a very big and ominous wall. The pastor called it out last night...talked about how we can be so on fire for God, serving Him and running after Him as hard as we can...when all of a sudden...BAM!...you hit a wall and it all comes to a screeching halt.

Yes. Wow. YES. He was totally speaking to me...and I mean He, as in God. Yes, the pastor is the one who spoke the words...but God put those words in his mouth so that he would speak them to me, last night, at that very moment. And to think...I wasn't even going to GO to church last night. I decided to at the last minute. (As if it were up to me.) God had a plan...as He always does. And part of His plan was for me to find a little weak spot in that wall...a little crack to let the Light shine through. A tiny little peep hole....so that I could see that He was right there, waiting patiently.

Of course He was...I always knew that. I know that God is never the one who disappears no matter WHAT we think. He is always, always, always, always there. Always.WE are the ones who disappear. And build walls to protect ourselves from...hurt. But the really crappy part is that we build them one little lie from the enemy at a time.

Strange how I can be so far from God but so close to Him all at the same time. This time in my life is no surprise to God. And it will not be wasted. God uses everything...even the bad, painful, unimaginable stuff...for our good and HIS glory. Amen.

No one will be able to stand against you all the days

of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will

never leave you nor forsake you.

-Joshua 1:5

Speaking of spiritual breakthroughs...

have you ever seen this video of this murmuration?

It leaves me breathless...and I cry every time I watch it.

Some see starlings. I see God.

God is everywhere...how can some people not see it?

And do you love the background music as much as I do?

How appropriate that it's titled Nomad Soul?

Here is the full length version...I'm listening to it for the third time in a row.

a new recipe.

2012-01-26T09:07:00.000-08:00

credit.

I may have mentioned that I am working on making a few changes in the way I cook...more protein and vegetables, fewer carbs. My boys made the request a while back (they're conditioning for sports) and I figured it could only benefit all of us.

However, I'm finding this is easier said than done. I never realized how much I relied on a starch when planning our meals...rice, pasta, potatoes, bread, tortillas...they were staples at every meal. And I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing...I believe in balance. I am not an "all or nothing" kind of gal when it comes to diet. But there was definitely room to cut back on the serving sizes.

Anyway...a few days ago I found a Martha Stewart recipe on Pinterest that looked tasty. And it just so happened I had a few sausages that I needed to use up. As a matter of fact, I had all of the ingredients I needed for this dish...canned beans, onion, garlic, carrots, sausage, broth...it was super easy. And very tasty. Everyone liked it and agreed that it should become a new addition to our menus.

Admittedly, these beans could be eaten as a main dish. Add a tossed salad and some warm, crusty bread and you'd be good to go. But this time I decided to make it an even more protein rich meal and served them alongside some broiled tilapia. Then I added a big bowl of stir-fried vegetables cabbage and asparagus. It was all delicious. And all gone! Not to mention...hearty and healthy.

(See? Pinterest isn't all bad. It can be ~~a wonderful way to waste time~~ very helpful.)

slow and quiet.

2012-01-24T09:41:00.000-08:00

After a whirlwind week of life and wrestling tournaments and then a pinched nerve in my left shoulder blade...I realized it was time for me to take things nice and slow.

So today...will be slow and quiet and easy.

The house is a wreck. But it will have to wait.

Instead I will eat my "heart-healthy" serving of oatmeal, take a nice HOT shower and sit quietly and read my textbooks. Because of my shoulder I was unable to sit at the computer to do my schoolwork so I am a bit behind. But that's OK...I'll get caught up. I always do.

the weeks are flying by...

2012-01-20T09:56:00.000-08:00

The girls.

It's Friday...and it's raining. Looks like a good day for some bullet-points!

Yes...it's raining. Finally. You know I'm glad. I love it. So does the garden.
The girls...oh, the girls. They haven't laid an egg in...at least a month. Maybe longer.Their new pet name? Free-loaders.
I've started my new classes for the semester. I am considering dropping the art class. Sad...yes. It just seems like a lot more trouble than it's worth at this time. So...it's on the back burner. For now.
We've got the wrestling extravaganza this weekend. Ian had a dual meet yesterday afternoon, then he has a tournament tonight hosted by his school, then tomorrow we drive almost two hours away (leaving at 6am!) to another tournament in Grass Valley. Whew. I'm tired just thinking about it. I see a pajama day in my future...Sunday, you're all mine.
The new job is going well. The teacher I am there to assist has been out sick since we got back from vacation and will probably be out for a while more. We've had a different sub every day since I've been there. There was talk of getting a long-term sub...that will be nice.

So that's it really...not a whole lot to report. Life is moving right along...everyone is healthy, the heater works, the water is hot and there's food in the cupboard. Life's good.

Wednesday in the Word.

2012-01-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:7-8

the winter garden.

2012-01-17T08:54:00.000-08:00

chard...collards...broccoli

I realize that calling 10 little plants in my backyard a "winter garden" might be a bit of a stretch. But for me...it's kind of a big deal. This is the first time we've ever planted winter vegetables. And I'm pleased to say they're not doing too bad.

They're a bit small, I think. I would think with all this warmth and sunshine they'd be a bit farther along. But...we did plant them late. And there hasn't been any rain. So maybe this is to be expected.

I'm not worried about it. Any time I do something like this for the first time I consider it a learning experience. So if things don't work out ideally I don't get discouraged. I just take note, see what happens, and do it differently the next time.

The good news is that we have actual broccoli florets growing! Chris came in the other morning and told me...so you know I had to run out with my camera!

See it? It makes me happy. I can't wait to eat it!

The other thing we have growing right now is the Meyer Lemon and it's producing beautiful lemons. I picked some the other day and they smelled so good. That has got to be one of my favorite scents ever...

So it's supposed to rain this week...maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. I'm ready. And so is the garden.

A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness;

it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust.

- Gertrude Jekyll

MLK

2012-01-16T09:36:00.000-08:00

"I just want to do God's will. And he's allowed me to go to the mountain. And I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land! I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land."

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Sunday.

2012-01-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

It's beautiful out today...finally a chill in the air. We spent all of yesterday in a gymnasium watching Ian's wrestling tournament. It was dark when we finally got home...

Today we are all taking it very easy...a nice slow morning of sipping coffee, watching football and thinking... about dinner (pork stew I think...) and homework (I am late with some of it...) and work (it's been interesting...) and Ian's birthday on Tuesday (still have some shopping to do...) and my art class that starts Wednesday (I need a TON of art supplies...)...it's no wonder my anxiety is rearing it's ugly head, eh?

In my dream last night I was in class and one of the students stood up and said, "Psalm 118:6-9." Just like that. That was it. I woke up right after, went to the bathroom then wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. When I got up this morning I read it...

⁵ When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD;
   he brought me into a spacious place.
⁶ The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
   What can human beings do to me?
⁷ The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
   I look in triumph on my enemies.

⁸ It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in human beings.
⁹ It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.

I included verse 5 just now, too...because it spoke to me. Probably because I am feeling hard-pressed lately. So this is a word from the Lord...a promise...to me. That He will bring me into a spacious place...a place that's easy to breathe. It's a promise that He is my helper...He is my refuge...therefore I will not be afraid.

Sometimes I am just so blown away by God...and His ability to speak to us...through the bible, through people, through songs, through dreams. He's always there. All we have to do is listen.

On a lighter note...we are letting Seth drive Ian to the mall this afternoon. What!? I know! My babies...in a car...together...on a freeway! I'm taking deep breaths...

I suppose I've procrastinated the ol' homework situation long enough. Time to "hit the books" as they say...

ugly hallway + empty wall = personal art gallery

2012-01-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

{this wall makes me happy every day.}

{"blue elephant" by Seth, age 3. 1998}

{"one-eyed stick man" by Ian, age 3. 2001}

{want more details? click here.}

Once upon a time I had an ugly, empty wall in the hallway. I also had some beloved art pieces I wanted to hang....some things made by the boys, some photos taken by me, some Etsy art I'd bought over the past couple of years.

But...for the longest time I couldn't jusitfy the expense of mats and frames and such.

Then one day, Aaron Bros. had a penny sale on frames and I had a little extra money...the end.

life is full of good things.

2012-01-12T09:41:00.000-08:00

Life is full of good things...like Noni's yellow bowl. Everything I make in it tastes SO good. I miss my Noni every single day...so being able to look around my home and see little reminders of her makes me happy.

My friend, Jennifer, shared a really good video about life this morning that blessed me and got me thinking...about paying attention, looking for the good, living each day like the true gift that it is..."It's like life-giving water if you only open your heart and drink."

I am taking part in a creative exercise hosted by this beautiful gal...we've never met, have only corresponded a handful of times...but I really like the way she thinks and the way she views the world. I was drawn to this creative exercise because it's weekly...it's low-key...therefore it's good for me and my busy schedule. A word a week expressed in any way you want...a photo, a poem, a painting...your choice. This week's word: peace. Yes, please.

Ian asked me to buy some granola...they sell it in bulk at Winco. I was in the neighborhood so I stopped and bought some. (No...I didn't make it. I know!) I sprinkled some over my yogurt...as did Ian. That is some good stuff...

I avoided Facebook for the longest time...I avoid most new things for a while and eventually succumb because my curiosity gets the best of me. I have to say...Facebook can be a good thing. Because of it I have been able to contact several old friends I thought I'd lost contact with forever. One of those friends, Kym (who I am SO grateful to be reconnected with after 25 years or so) writes a blog about her life and her sweet and adorable little girl Lily who was born with a condition called Hypotonia, or "floppy baby syndrome". Kym is beautiful, funny and eloquent...have a visit, won't you? And join us in praying for miracles for Lily.

Yeah...life is full of good things. I am grateful... And really...go watch that video...it'll change the way you continue your day. xo

Wednesday in the Word.

2012-01-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

Lamentations 3:19-26

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
   the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
   and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
   and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

After a long time of wandering...and waiting...I can feel myself slowly making my way back. I wasn't necessarily going in the wrong direction...but in a spiritual sense I was stuck. And when I did try to move it was as if I was spinning in circles.

Eventually...I just stopped.

And then I got complacent. Which is really weird because I never thought I would ever feel that way. Being so involved in women's ministry like I was I saw women try to return to church after not being for a while. Many times they had stopped going to their previous church because of being hurt or let down by someone who, many times, were in a position of leadership. And I never understood it. Because I knew that church didn't equate God...therefore the hurt was from a person...not God. So I couldn't understand how being hurt by someone at a church would prevent someone from going to church. I just did not get it.

But then...God allowed me the opportunity to feel that same kind of hurt. And let me tell you...it really does knock the wind right out of you. It stops you in your tracks. And gives you a very bitter taste in your mouth where church and its people are concerned. Not where God is concerned. I knew God well enough to keep Him out of it. But where church was concerned? And the people in it? Yeah...bitter.

So I stopped going to church for a while (as I've mentioned). And I was fine with it.

But you know...I really wasn't. I wasn't fine with it at all. And neither was God.

Church is a really good thing. I learned a lot at my long-time church. I had some really good times and met some incredible and God-loving people, several of who I still talk to and pray with today. I grew spiritually and healed and experienced miracles at my old church. There was so much good that I experienced that I've had to remind myself of all of that. I've had to realize that it wasn't all bad. Not at all. It was good for a long time.

To be honest with you, I don't know when it started to deteriorate. I think it was a slow decline...so subtle that I didn't even know it was happening. And then when I realized what was happening I denied it...thinking to myself, "It must just be me because this kind of stuff doesn't happen in church."

Well. Yes, it does. But that's OK...because wounds heal. And lessons are learned. And God uses those lessons to help us become more compassionate.

Yes, church is a good thing. As long as it's a healthy and thriving church. I didn't say a busy church. Just because a church is doing does not mean they are being. Do you get what I'm saying?

But if you can find a church where the people are kind and loving and authentic and imperfect (yes, I said imperfect) and love the Lord with all their hearts (or are at least striving to)...go there. Worship there. Serve there. Make friends there. Go to bible studies. Smile at newcomers. Sing your heart out during worship...raise your hands to God.

Yes. Church is a good thing. And I'm grateful to be making my way back.

It's nice to get out of town sometimes.

2012-01-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

can you feel the love?

Last week the boys and I, along with my mom, took a two hour drive to Donner Lake to spend some time with my aunt and uncle at their cabin. It was our second time there and WE LOVE IT. The gorgeous lake is a mere walk down their front steps and across the road...the view out of their living room window is of trees and water and mountains. It's wonderful...

I wonder how long this has been here?

The weather was beautiful. Cold and sunny, perfect in my opinion. And no snow, like everywhere else, right? It was kind of a bummer...but since I'm not real experienced at driving in snow, I was OK with it.

the water was so still.

Of course I took a lot of pictures...I think it was 124. (Or 142? Something like that.) Not bad for a 24 hour period.

lots of love along the beach...

We also did some shopping, my uncle took the boys for a hike, we worked on a puzzle (I love puzzles), and ate good meals.

we found them like that.

But most importantly...we relaxed. We slowed down. We rested. We spent time with family. I'm pretty sure it was good for all of us.

the end of the day.

today is the day.

2012-01-09T11:35:00.000-08:00

Rocks on the beach at Donner Lake.

Well...today is the day...I start my new job. In an hour no less.

I wasn't nervous last week. But today? Just a little...

I'll be fine once I get there...it's just the getting there that's making my stomach flutter a bit.

The boys are back in school...I miss them. They'll each be gone for 10 hours between school and sports. Being back on the regular routine is making me a little sad. Vacation is always so nice...

No matter what...no matter how I feel or what's going on...the bottom line in all things...God is good. And everything in our lives is in the palm of His hand.

I'm grateful....for all of it.

Happy Monday to you...xoxo

Sunday afternoon...

2012-01-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid.

~Frederick Buechner

more than meets the eye.

2012-01-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

I bought this little piece of art almost 3 years ago on Etsy. It's 2.5 x 3.5...ink on watercolor paper and has some machine stitching. The artist is Michele Maule and I just love her work. (FYI...she has no idea who I am or that I am writing about her.)

Admittedly, when I first bought it, I was just drawn to the old typewriter. The letters and numbers really didn't mean anything to me. I loved the typewriter...I loved the blue...and the stitching...and it was also nice that it was an affordable original. So I made the purchase. Once I received it I tucked it away with a stack of other frameable pieces I'd collected for the wall of art collage I would have in my home "one day".

OK...so "one day" came last week when Aaron Bros. had their "buy a frame get one for a penny" sale. I took advantage of that, bought some nice frames, and went to work on a collage wall for our hallway. (A much needed project that I'll share pics of soon, too...)

Anyway...after I framed this little piece...titled "I want.."...I was admiring my handiwork when I noticed a few things. I noticed that the letters and the numbers were very significant and meant something huge. Ready?

The capital G...stands for God.

The number 5...symbolizes grace.

The little m...is for me, Michelle.

I love that the number 5, or grace, is between me and God...almost as if He's covering me with His grace.

As I was showing Chris my plan for the collage wall (7 or 8 framed pieces laid out on our bed) I told him about my discovery of this little art piece. He made a pleasant ,"Huh!" sound...and then said, "Aaaand...it's a typewriter.", and shot me a raised eyebrow as if to say, "Ya know...because you like to write."

Isn't that so cool? It makes me happy every time I walk past it. God's grace...where would I be without it?

"But by the grace of God I am what I am.." 1 Corinthians 15:10

so much on my mind..

2012-01-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

My thoughts are scattered. (Yes, again.) So since I can't form a complete sentence we'll just go with bullet-points today. Sound good?

I'm enjoying this time off. It's been really nice. And I have no idea how I'm going to get back in the swing of getting up early. This is gonna be interesting...
My boys asked me to make meals higher in protein and lower in calories. Ian needs to make weight for wrestling and Seth is working on getting in better shape. I agreed. It won't hurt me to miss a carb, that's for sure.
On that note...I need meal ideas: lots of veggies, lots of protein, low or no carbs. All I can think of is chicken...and that's gonna get real old real fast.
I start my new job on Monday. Chris asked if I was nervous...I said no. I'm not. I'm ready. And capable. It'll be an interesting next chapter.
I started one of my online classes yesterday...Eng450, Children's Literature. I'm really excited about this class...I think it's going to be a good one.
I ordered my books late. I hope they come soon as my first assignments require reading!
I took my mom and the boys to visit my aunt and uncle at their cabin at Donner Lake on Monday and Tuesday. We had a nice time. Getting out of town is always so refreshing.
My community college classes begin on the 18th...I'm gearing up for them. One is Human Development and I'll be taking that one online. And then Printmaking at the college on Mondays and Wednesdays. I'm so excited for Printmaking.
I'm resisting the temptation to take even more classes to just get this whole college thing over and done with by the end of summer. But I know it will be too much. (I'm already pushing it at times.) Had I not accepted a job and could just focus on school full-time, every day, all day...then I would. But...I did accept the job. So...I need to be realistic.
All vacation long I have wanted to do something creative. A lino cut to be exact. I was going to make our Christmas card. Then it turned into a New Year's card. Now I don't know what it's going to be! I have a few days left to actually make something...I just need to DO IT.
The winter garden is coming right along...I can't wait to actually eat something from it!
The chickens haven't laid an egg in weeks. Free-loaders.
Seth got his driver's license. Can you say bittersweet?
I'm having a really hard time lately with this whole cycle of life thing...birth and death and growth. Ever since Papa went to heaven I've been having a hard time with...life. And the fact that my parent's will age. And that my kids will grow up...and move away. And that I will age. And that the cycle of life continues...no matter how we feel about it.
On a positive note...2012 is full of possibility. And I'm looking forward to what lies ahead...

This scripture comes to mind...Philippians 3:12-14

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press

on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Have a great day...it's sunny and cold here...perfect.

one word.

2012-01-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! It's 2012. A few days ago I mentioned wanting to choose one word to represent this coming year. When I first thought of it there was a word that popped into my head...but I quickly dismissed it. For one thing, I thought it was kind of a boring word. It wasn't a word I'd want imprinted on a charm or tattooed on my ankle. (No...don't worry...I'm not considering a tattoo...been there, done that.)

For another thing...I was feeling a bit pessimistic about the coming year. I didn't have the excitement and hopeful attitude I did when 2011 rang in. So...as this word entered my mind I shrugged it off...and waited for another word...a better word...to come to mind.

In the meantime...the original word kept showing up. I would hear it. I would see it. I kept thinking about it. It was everywhere...and it was clear that it wasn't going away. So I gave in...and I prayed about it...and I realized that it was the perfect word for this coming year...

possible

Yep. That's it. That's the word. Possible.

"Everything is possible for one who believes.” - Mark 9:23.

“What is impossible with human beings is possible with God.” - Luke 18:27.

I can't wait to see where this leads...

oh...hey...hi there.

2011-12-30T18:00:00.000-08:00

my kitchen the other morning.

Man time sure does fly...it's been almost a week since I've written. Time is whizzing by...and I have to say I don't like it. I really don't.

* * * * * * * * *

I went to the thrift store today to make a donation. And as I always do after unloading the back of the car I drove around the front of the store, parked the car, and went inside to see what treasures I couldn't live without. I found a large Ball jar with a cream lid and a cookbook from 1965 called Wild in the Kitchen. Three bucks later and I had myself a few new treasures.

While I was there I popped my head into the back room to say hi to my favorite employee there...Miss Francine. She gardens and cans, too. (And reads my blog! Hi Francine!) As a matter of fact, when I was in the market for a canner she set aside a good one for me at the thrift store. That was so nice of her. Thanks, Francine!

* * * * * * * * *

So...2012 is just around the corner...is that crazy or what? I don't feel ready for it...not like I was for 2011. I was ready for 2011. But 2012 is sneaking up on me...catching me off guard...throwing me for a loop. But since there's nothing I can do about it...may as well gear up, right?

Last year, like so many others, I chose a word (words, actually)for the year. The words I chose were: Do Brave. And even though I ~~sat on my butt~~ was stagnant for a good portion of 2011, I'll give myself some credit and say I was also Brave in that when I set my mind to it I got it together, got a job and signed up for school and really committed to finishing up my education. I'd say that took a little bit of bravery.

So now 2012 is just about here. And I'm wanting to choose another word. A few have popped into my head...but I'm still thinking on it. What about you? Have you chosen a word for 2012? Care to share?

* * * * * * * * *

Oh! And how about a birthday shout out to my uncle Dave and his lovely sister, my kindred spirit, Linda. Brother and sister born on the same day a year apart....how cool is that?

Happy Birthday you guys! I hope it was wonderful. xo

And now...in the famous words of Napoleon Dynamite's brother, Kip...peath out.

Merry Christmas...

2011-12-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

I can't believe it is Christmas Eve...it seems that the month of December is always a blur. As soon as Thanksgiving is over we rush, rush, rush to get everything done and bought and decorated and..and...and then suddenly Christmas is here!

The good news is...I'm ready. Shopping is done...presents are wrapped...food is prepared. And in a few hours we will begin the festivities and head off to Chris' dad's (Marty) house for the afternoon.

Oh...speaking of food...Marty's wife, Kelly, is preparing a Prime Rib for dinner tonight. My contribution for tonight's meal is Country Potatoes. SO delicious...and completely fattening. Perfect for the holidays, no? Oh yes...trust me, you will want to make these potatoes. Country Potatoes are a holiday staple it seems...my aunt got the recipe from a friend several years back and we've been eating them at holiday dinners ever since. They are delicious. In case you want to make a dish of your own...here's the recipe!

Enjoy and have a Merry Christmas!

Country Potatoes

6-7 medium red potatoes - peeled, boiled and grated

1/2 c. butter

1/2 c. minced onion

salt, pepper and paprika to taste

1-can cream of chicken soup

1-pint sour cream

1 1/2 c. grated sharp cheddar cheese

Heat butter in saucepan and add onion, saute until soft. Add soup and sour cream, warm through. In a large mixing bowl grate potatoes. Add spices and cheese to onion mixture then pour over potatoes and fold together. Bake at 350' for 45 minutes. Serves 6-8.

Wednesday in the Word

2011-12-21T08:16:00.000-08:00

go take a look...

“As long as the earth endures,
seed time and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
day and night
will never cease.”

Genesis 8:22

It's Wednesday...and it's winter...well, actually tomorrow is the first official day of winter. But according to my frozen windshield and icy temps, I'm alright with claiming it a day early.

So...the other day I talked a little bit about anxiety. I didn't get a lot of feedback...I'm wondering if it makes others uncomfortable talking about it. Or...maybe nobody can relate. Or...maybe nobody visits me here anymore. I don't know...but what I DO know, is that as soon as I did what I was supposed to do...the anxiety subsided. Just.like.that.

What was I supposed to do, you ask? I was supposed to take this new job offer and let go of the old job that was temporary to begin with...it was never mine from the start. I was clinging to something that I was supposed to be letting go of...and it took me a few days to "get it".

If I really look at this whole job situation I can see that God has got it totally under control. He is placing opportunities in front of me and if I would just trust Him and follow His lead, this whole journey I'm on would be a lot more smooth.

For instance, I was blessed to be given a long-term sub position. It lasted 3 months. And in the life of the school district sub, this isn't all that common. Then...just as this sub job is ending, I am given an opportunity for another long-term position as a teacher's aide at the high school across town. I start on January 9th when we return from vacation and the job will last through mid March. On top of being given another long-term opportunity, this particular job makes me eligible to apply for other jobs within the district. Other permanent jobs. Other jobs that could possibly provide benefits. Oh...and did I mention that it's for 2 hours each afternoon and that the hours are perfect for my class schedule? Yeah...I know.

Isn't it so funny how we go about spinning in circles...fretting and worrying...clinging to things that aren't really ours...all the while making ourselves sick? When if we would just listen to God...trust that He is placing each stepping stone in the exact place that we need it...our walk through life truly would be a smooth one. Not easy. But smooth.

Of course...there is always work to be done on our part. Like...working up the courage to place our foot on that next stone. Especially when that next stone is set out a little further than the others. But that's where trust comes in...and faith. Believing that God always does know best. And that His plan will always work.

well now...

2011-12-19T09:55:00.000-08:00

I'm sort of spinning in circles lately. My plate is overflowing and all of my calm and cool and control is out the window. I'm feeling ~~extremely~~ anxious lately...the week of finals for school might have finally got me. Not so much the finals themselves...but more that everything else going on along with the finals really just sort of sent me spinning.

I don't know...anxiety is a strange bird, isn't it? It blind-sided me this time around. To be honest, I haven't been dealing with anxiety much lately. And I am very grateful. But the last few days have me feeling anxious...the sub job is coming to a close and I am sad about it, I got another temporary position at a different school that starts when we get back from vacation, I have lots of presents to wrap, food to shop for and prepare, a laundry pile that just multiplies, a dirty bathroom, boys who won't keep their rooms clean, a few appointments thrown in between now and Friday...and it is all piled up in my brain in one big jumble.

And for whatever reason, I am not doing so good at the whole one day at a time, one thing at a time thing. I've been getting pretty good at reminding myself of this when anxiety flares...and have been able to get myself refocused pretty quickly. But I think since there is some sadness involved...and things that I have really loved are ending...it's added to the mix and made things a bit worse this time around. I loved the job...and it's ending. I loved creative writing...and it ended. And now I have to start all these new things at once...a new job, three new classes, plus kids going to dances and wrestling tournaments and getting drivers licenses.

Then of course I want to make stuff for the holidays (so I've got even more thoughts and ideas swirling around this crazy brain of mine)...food gifts, handmade things, crafty goodness...but haven't seemed to find the time to DO any of it. I say find the time because really, if something is important enough to us, we will find the time. I've stopped saying I don't have time...because I do. I just don't always spend it wisely. Ahem.

Either way, the bottom line is...IT'S ALL OK. Anxiety is something I've learned to live with...me and God, we got this. So no need to worry... I'm good. Anxiety is temporary. And not realistic. The reality is...I have two weeks off for the holidays. Time to rest up...to rejuvenate...to enjoy...to be OK with the goodbye's and look forward to the new beginnings. To let go with one hand and grab a hold with the other...moving along...moving forward...moving in the right direction.

more Mary Oliver...another favorite.

2011-12-14T09:53:00.000-08:00

I Found a Dead Fox

I found a dead fox
beside the gravel road,
curled inside the big
iron wheel

of an old tractor
that has been standing,
for years,
in the vines at the edge

of the road.
I don't know
what happened to it --
when it came there

or why it lay down
for good, settling
its narrow chin
on the rusted rim

of the iron wheel
to look out
over the fields,
and that way died --

but I know
this: its posture --
of looking,
to the last possible moment,

back into the world --
made me want
to sing something
joyous and tender

about foxes.
But what happened is this --
when I began,
when I crawled in

through the honeysuckle
and lay down,
curling my long spine
inside that cold wheel,

and touched the dead fox,
and looked out
into the wide fields,
the fox

vanished.
There was only myself
and the world,
and it was I

who was leaving.
And what could I sing
then?
Oh, beautiful world!

I just lay there
and looked at it.
And then it grew dark.
That day was done with.

And then the stars stepped forth
and held up their appointed fires --
those hot, hard
watchmen of the night.

-Mary Oliver

...the 4th and 5th stanzas make me cry.

the coming week...

2011-12-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

There is a very good chance that this next week, just maybe, quite possibly, and pretty much more than likely, could push me right over the edge.

I have my creative writing presentation tomorrow night...and my portfolio is due as well. Tomorrow is our last class meeting...and I am sad about it. It's been one of the BEST classes ever.

Then, once I get all of that done and over with, I will be focusing on my Education class that ends on Saturday. I have a HUGE portfolio due that I haven't even started yet. Yes, I know. Lame. But it's true. I have whined and moaned and groaned and pouted...and now, here we are. All of that time whining definitely could have been better spent. You know...doing something like WORKING. But...it is what it is...all I can do now is buckle down and get it done. And I will.

In the midst of all of that...the holidays just keep on comin'. We got our tree yesterday...it's in its stand, perched lovingly in the front window...with nary a piece of decor to be seen. But that's OK...it's a patient tree. I made sure when we bought it.

I have made a dent in the Christmas shopping, though...thank goodness. I have to lay everything out on my bed for the big "inventory"...see what I have for who, what I still need to get, you know...make yet another list to add to my pile of lists. I can never seem to make just one list...or even consolidate. So I just carry around a stack of lists and call it a "system". I've learned to just go with it...

I'm pretty excited about this coming semester (assuming I get through this semester in one piece).

Because I have no idea what's going on as far as my work life is concerned, I had to go on ahead and just make a decision about what IS happening and that is my education. More than likely the job I've been doing is going to come to an end. As it stands, the woman I am subbing for will be returning to her job after the first of the year. It's been sort of up in the air...back and forth...and maybe a possibility here and possibly an opportunity there...but nothing set in stone. And nothing permanent.

So...with that in mind I signed up for some fun classes...both of which are being held during the day at the local community college on Monday's and Wednesday's. One of them is taking part in the college literary magazine, Suisun Valley Review. My creative writing instructor leads the class and it sounds like a lot of fun. Then I also signed up for Printmaking.Yes! Printmaking! I am super excited for this class. And yes, I do really need these classes. I realize at this point the coming semester sounds like it's all fun and games. But my counselor said I was in need of a few more electives...how cool is that? I love electives!

On the university front...I'll be taking a class on how to teach my future students English. Or Math. I can't remember. And whatever one I'm not taking this coming term, I will take in the next term. So no matter what, in the next 16 weeks, I will have taken both. Clear as mud? Good. Hopefully I'll teach better than I blog.

Alrighty then...with all of this in mind, don't be surprised if you don't see me much this week. I'll be around...and checking in on all of you...but may not be writing much here. More than likely all of my writing efforts will be going into school stuff. I know you'll understand...

Keep me in your prayers, won't you...? That I stay focused...and get everything done that I need to...and that I don't go bald in the process. Thank you...xo

I love books.

2011-12-09T07:31:00.001-08:00

This is the most recent photo of my nightstand. This is the stack of books I do not have time to read because I'm reading another stack of books that is piled high on the floor beneath my nightstand.

The other pile, not pictured obviously, is mostly of Mary Oliver (have I mentioned how much I am loving her? Oh. I have? Silly me.) with a bit of Erica Jong thrown in for variety. While at the library ~~stalking Mary Oliver books~~ gathering up every Oliver book I could find I came across a book of poetry by Erica Jong. I thought the cover was lovely so I pulled it out...flipped to a page, found what I read intriguing, added it to the borrow pile.

Apparently, Ms. Jong was quite the racy writer in the 70's according to my mom. She never read any of Jong's ~~smut~~ writing, of course. She just heard about it. Ahem. (Hi Mom!) I didn't find the bit of her poetry I did read to be racy or inappropriate...but I haven't read it all. So...I'll throw out a disclaimer, an advisory, that should you opt to read Jong, it's at your own risk. :)

I made this silly little lady about 10 years ago...and she really has nothing to do with poetry other than she's dangling on my wall above my nightstand so I figured she was worth a mention.

I'm pretty sure the idea came from Home Companion...remember the Mary Engelbreit magazine? Of all the magazines I was obsessed with...I miss this one the most. Well...and Country Living. But CL is still in print so I can at least go to the library and look at it if I need to. I heard rumors that HC is coming back...anyone else heard that?

I used to spend a lot of money on magazines...I had stacks and stacks. And I would save them...because you never know when you may need to reference something fabulous in one of them. You know...a project, a recipe, whatever. So the magazines piled up...but of course I never knew where each very fabulous idea was within that stack. But they were in there somewhere!

Eventually, I stopped buying magazines. Partly because our finances changed drastically and partly because I realized I could borrow the mags from the library then photo copy anything fabulous I needed to remember. So now all of those copies of great ideas are stacked...patiently awaiting a moment of organized inspiration to be placed neatly and lovingly in a plastic-sleeved binder.

Don't hold your breath.

Because the reality is the floor needs mopping, the baseboards need dusting, the class projects need doing, the Christmas shopping needs finishing, meals need preparing, laundry needs washing....and a partridge in a pear treeeeeee!

This is why the books on the nightstand aren't being read.

But the nice thing about books is that they wait patiently, looking lovely, and are ready whenever you are.

I love books...

Wednesday in the Word

2011-12-07T09:19:00.001-08:00

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down,

shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.

For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Matthew 6:38

So...

2011-12-06T09:30:00.001-08:00

...we had a little leak by the front water spigot recently. Chris and Ian set out to fix it on Saturday, only to find that it was really a pretty BIG leak. They had to dig up my wood violets and baby tears...and I was sad. But the almost double water bill made me ever MORE sad...so I kept quiet about the plants, pretty much.

Then I left them covered in mud and went to a baby shower...had a very nice time (and got a delicious salad dressing recipe that I'll share soon)...did a bit of Christmas shopping and headed home. When I arrived there was a large trench dug out of the front lawn from the spigot by the house to the water meter by the sidewalk. Turns out the entire pipe, that was now really not pipe at all but more of long glob of rust, needed to be replaced.

They worked into the night pretty much making sure nothing was leaky....I went outside to talk with them about it, too. Because I know a lot about plumbing and all...ahem. While I was outside I looked up at the sky...it was clear, and such a pretty shade of blue.

Then I noticed that after all those crazy winds there wasn't a leaf left on the maple tree...only those little spiky balls that drop all over the lawn. It struck me as beautiful...so I ran in and grabbed my camera.

* * * * *

I've been plugging away at my classwork...writing poetry, writing about Mary Oliver, and procrastinating probably the largest assignment due (in a week) for my computer class. The instructor recommended we start it the first week...ya know, get it going and set up so we wouldn't be bombarded with the entire project in the last week of class?

Yeah.

Does it count that I thought about it every week? If only work got done by osmosis...I'd be a professor by now.

Guess I better get back to it...love to you lovelies...xo

good sunday morning.

2011-12-04T08:18:00.001-08:00

Praying

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones, just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

~Mary Oliver

2011-12-02T09:44:00.001-08:00

{this is on Pinterest...but originally came from flickr...but is
from a private account that I cannot link to. But if you are the
one who made this amazing print (or know who did)...please let me know,
as I'd love to purchase a copy of my own to frame and love forever.}

I'm sorry...but I still can't get over how much I am loving poetry. I love to read it...I love to write it...I love to critique it and sit in a writing group having others critique my own...it's a whole new way to express myself. And this doesn't surprise anyone as much as it surprises ME.

Currently, Mary Oliver is a favorite...I'm reading a lot of her work for my final portfolio essay for creative writing. So many amazing poems...such beautiful words...incredible imagery...I'm sold.

And don't you just love a good lino cut? This print above...a combination of three of my favorite things, poetry, Mary Oliver and block prints...is almost more than I can stand. I'd love to have this in a print to frame and hang in my home.

So it's Friday...gotta get ready for work. I tidied up the place this morning and now I'm running a bit behind. I'm going Christmas shopping tonight with my mom...looking forward to that. And then the weekend...which will include a baby shower, taking Seth to an open parking lot to practice a stick shift and lots of school work. Doesn't sound so bad, does it?

What are you doing this weekend? I hope it involves something fun and refreshing...xoxo

Dec. 1...time is flying by...

2011-12-01T08:22:00.001-08:00

people take amazing photos.

Just like that...it's December 1. The first day of the last month of the year 2011. Time is strange, isn't it? It just keeps going and going and going...and seemingly faster and faster. This morning 13 minutes felt like two. I couldn't believe that 13 minutes had passed and I didn't even really know it...or feel it. The time was just...gone.

December 1...it's nothing significant in my little world...no birthdays, no anniversaries, just another day, really. But it does mean that it's only 3 weeks (give or take) until Christmas. And can I just tell you that I have bought maybe 1.5 gifts? Yeah. Not even close to being even slightly ready. But...that is usually my M.O. this time of year...I'm usually in denial about Christmas. Right up until the eve, really. I know...

December 1...it also means that I have approximately two weeks left in each of my classes. (Why did I not realize they were going to end at the same time? I feel like this should have occurred to me. Or maybe it did? And I forgot? Where is that ginkgo biloba?)

Regardless of what I think or don't think...remember or not...yes, each of my classes will be finis in two weeks. And this is a good thing...the time flying while I'm in school is totally OK with me. Because that just means I am that much closer to being done with school that much quicker. However, it really makes getting all the work done that much more of a challenge! Seriously.

But that's OK...I am grateful for the opportunity to even be IN school. It is a blessing...something not everyone is afforded the privilege of doing. I have got so much support in this endeavor...Chris and the boys are so sweet and understanding and helpful...my family is so supportive and encouraging...friends are rooting me on left and right and sending me notes of goodness and encouragement...it's amazing. And keeps me moving forward every day. All of this encouragement is also accountability. How in the world can I NOT follow through with this when I've shouted from the rooftops that I am gonna DO this? At this point...I have to finish!

And really...it's not just about "going to college". It's about really doing something that I've been working at, off and on, for many years and finally, finally seeing an end in sight. I can see the prize...and it's really not that far off.

Going back to school is about doing something that would have been really easy NOT to do...because I'm too busy, or too old, or too...whatever.

Bottom line? I am really happy that I am doing this...and every day I feel that much more accomplished. And it feels really good.

So I'm already signed up for my next classes...I'll be taking Human Development at the community college online and ENGU450 at Brandman, also online. I have no idea what ENGU450 even is...probably a class on how to teach English...the subject, not the language. I'm really glad I decided to study Liberal Studies rather than Sociology...or Criminal Justice. What? Criminal Justice? Who are you, Michelle?

Well...Sociology and Criminal Justice would have been really, really interesting subjects to study. I'm big on people...and getting into their heads...learning why they do things...and how they think. Especially people that are a bit...um...off, shall we say? It may explain why I feel the need to go into Special Education. I dunno.

However, when all was said and done, it made more sense for me to focus on teaching, and learning how to teach and so Liberal Studies it was. And it was a good decision.

I am also feeling bittersweet because as it turns out I am loving my creative writing class. LOV-ING it. And I can't believe it will be over in two weeks. Especially because it feels like we are all just getting to know each other....and each other's writing styles. We are loosening up in class...having fun...really writing and critiquing and encouraging each other. It's a really great class...and I am going to miss it like crazy.

But anyway...I didn't mean for this to be a dissertation on my college career. Really. I was gonna talk about the million mile an hour winds we are experiencing...and how my chickens are laying one egg a day. I was going to talk about how much Ian loves wrestling and how next week, at this very time, Seth will be driving, with a license, by himself. I know. I know!

I was going to talk about how our room is still neat and tidy...and how I am loving my little kitchen. And how our winter garden, while slow-growing, is doing well and is happy and healthy. Or how my mom and I are going to go Christmas shopping tomorrow night and how I plan to get a LOT DONE.

But...maybe we can talk about all of that next time...ok?

Wednesday in the Word

2011-11-30T08:50:00.001-08:00

You can go here for the biblical version of this scripture...but I have to tell you, this version above is my absolute favorite. Jesus loved me at my darkest?

Yes...that is love...most definitely.

finally.

2011-11-29T08:08:00.001-08:00

I have been wanting a duvet for our bed for quite a while now. But can I just say...duvets are expensive! I didn't want to pay an arm and a leg. I just wanted something fresh to cover our old comforter. I looked and looked online and at stores like Marshall's and Ross...Home Goods...but...nothin'.

Well last week a friend and I headed to Ikea in Sacramento. I was in search of a duvet...she, a storage unit for toys. And it was a successful trip...we both found what we needed!

I ended up choosing a white duvet with a decorative stitch for some detail. It also came with shams, which was a bonus. I looked at colors and neutrals but decided that white would be best...mainly because I took into consideration just about every photo I've Pinned at Pinterest and just about every single one has white bedding. So I figure that is what I like...what I'm drawn to...so I went for it.

And I have to say...I'm really happy with it. It just sort of finishes things off...makes our room look like I might have meant to do something in there. Our poor room has always been neglected...mainly because I could never figure out what I wanted to do in there. Mainly because I never thought we'd be here as long as we have been. Mainly because I have always considered it just a bedroom...not a master suite and therefore haven't ever really made the effort to make it inviting.

But as I browse Pinterest I realized that I wanted to do something in there..even if it was simple. I also realized that I am not into rooms that look 'decorated'. I like rooms that look as if they've evolved over time...that look comfortable and lived in. I like a relaxed look...and not one that is too matchy-matchy. (And trust me...I've got the NO "matchy-matchy" thing down pat...and not always by choice!)

So...yeah. I finally got a duvet...and it came with shams. And it made me happy. Now I can move on to the next thing...hmmm....what should that be? The to-do list around here is looooonggg.....

good morning...

2011-11-28T08:14:00.001-08:00

Here's a peek at my kitchen...I took this photo the other day "as is". You may notice new paint...a new plate shelf and glass doors over the sink...bead board back splash...and not pictured are six can lights and a freshly painted white ceiling. What a difference this has made in my tiny little kitchen...I am really enjoying it.

I finally finished that pesky term paper that was torturing me. And now I am down to only three weeks left of this class...my least favorite of all my classes thus far.

Everyone is back to the routine this morning...boys are off to school, Chris is getting ready for work, and here I am...I think this chair is going to have a permanent indentation in the shape of my butt...I spend so much time here.

I think I may do a bit of online shopping today...I don't know. I am not even really sure what I'm getting for everyone yet. I finally got a list from Seth...and a few ideas from Ian...Chris is still formulating his wish list. I've got a few ideas for my immediate family...but nothing concrete yet. Mom and I are going to go shopping Friday afternoon after I get off work...hopefully I'll make a nice BIG dent in the to-do list. I plan on it, actually. I mean, Christmas is just around the corner...already. I can't even believe it...

Ya know...usually I'm a bit of a Grinch around Christmas. (And "Grinch" is actually making me sound so cute and quirky about it all...I'm really just a big grouch.) Admittedly, it is not my favorite holiday. I believe I've mentioned a time (or 20) that Thanksgiving is my favorite...family, fall, food...no pressure, no spending...mmmm, I love it. Christmas, on the other hand, is different. A lot different.

However, this year, I am trying to have a more positive attitude about it...and so far I'm doing fairly well. I have just decided that there's nothing I can do about it...Christmas comes every year, whether I'm happy about it, or not. May as well save myself some stress and crankiness and enjoy it all, right?

Because really, I do love to give gifts. I love finding the perfect gift for each person on my list...and wrapping it nice and pretty...knowing that they're gonna love it. I guess because finances have been so crazy for the past several years Christmas has become stressful. And not because I don't like to give...but more because I DO like to give and haven't been able to without stressing over it. (Hmmm...light bulb moment, eh?)

Anyway...

It's a busy week ahead...work, school, kids, shopping, a baby shower on Saturday afternoon and Seth's Winter Ball that night (and all that entails)...and, and, and....and this is the moment I have to stop and remind myself, "one day at a time", take a good, deep breath and keep moving forward.

xo

past and present.

2011-11-26T13:53:00.001-08:00

I finally cleaned our room the other day. It was beginning to look like an episode of Hoarders...piles, clothes, bags, boxes...e.ve.ry.where. Ick. I was losing sleep over it. Something had to be done.

I finally took some time and got rid of some stuff...found places for other stuff...filed and organized and tidied the rest of the stuff. And now...it's actually a nice place to be. And restful.

One thing that is still a bit cluttered is my dresser top...that's it up there. If you go here you can read little notes about what's what. I didn't share the photograph with the stack of school photos and receipts that needs going through just to the right. That's next on the list...along with framing those adorable creations my boys made years ago.

I just ate a frozen pot pie...made me feel about 8 years old again. My mom made them occasionally when I was little...I actually liked them. Still do. Although I gotta say...homemade pot pies are way better. Duh. But like I always say...sometimes convenience wins around here....especially on days like today when I've got a crazy amount of classwork to do.

I was up until 11:30 last night making Excel spreadsheets and pecking away at that stupid paper. Then I woke up this morning with Mail Merges and Address Lists on my brain. Jeesh...it's gonna be a long year people.

I figure that's about how long this whole Bachelor's degree thing is gonna take me...a year. Maybe less. I was considering blasting it out in 9 months but then I got a grip and realized to do that would be like taking 6 classes in a semester. And that's just ridiculous. I don't need to rush....I need to be steady. And realistic.

Speaking of which...I better finish up this dang paper so I can get started on next week's assignments. Just when I think I can catch my breath...it's "next week" already!

I got nothin'....

2011-11-25T10:04:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was really nice...as always. Family, food, laughter, kids, football, food, tears. I missed Noni and Papa a lot...still can't believe they're gone. This whole life and death thing is heavy on my mind...it's just so surreal. Life is really so short...so temporary. I'm trying not to take it for granted...

You'll notice I'm not shopping today. No. No way. I'm not a "crowd" kinda gal. My inner meanie comes out in crowds. So it's best I stay home. No deal is that good. I will probably get a few things online...but I have a question...is Cyber Monday the equivalent to Black Friday? So on Monday the deals will be better? I better find out for sure before I shop...I do love a good bargain. Just not willing to fight for it...or get trampled.

So it's after 10am...and I really need to get some school work done. Really. I have made a list. A long list. But I have yet to check things off. Today is the day. My relationship with procrastination is not a healthy one. Grrr...

Yesterday my aunt told me I was "slacking" in the blogging area...lol! I know...I know...she's so right. She said she thinks I should post every day...even twice a day! I don't know about that..!

I just feel like all I talk about anymore is school...school...work...or school. I'm kinda boring. Not a lot of canning...or crafting...or even photo taking. No gardening...Chris planted our winter garden if that tells you anything. He's like a farmer now.

Honestly, and this might be kind of weird, but I use my photos as a jumping off point for my posts. I just pick a photo...and type away. You may notice that I've been sharing graphics or mosaics or old photos...that's because I haven't been taking new photos. I've just been sitting at this computer, going back and forth between Word .docs, my online class and Pinterest.

I feel like all I do is school work...or talk about how I should do school work...and laundry. I prepare a meal here and there. And drive my kids all over kingdom come. But nothing creative...I really should do something about that.

But...not today. Today is for class work. (I mean it!)

But first...a shower, a load (or 17) of laundry, I really should pull something out of the freezer for dinner, these boys need to eat, ya know...well, and me too. You'd think yesterday's meal would hold us over for a week or so.

Anyway...thank you for hanging in there with me while I do this whole "school thing". Those of you that are still with me I consider true friends...encouragers...not just "followers". Matter of fact..I think I'll remove that Follow button. Let's face it...I'd write here even if nobody visited Give a Girl a Fig. I like this little space...

OK...time to think "term paper".

See? Boring!! xoxoxo

Wednesday in the Word

2011-11-23T08:38:00.001-08:00

I couldn't help myself...I love Charlie Brown .

Psalm 100:3-5

Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
   and his courts with praise;
   give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
   his faithfulness continues through all generations.

* * * * * * *

I am thankful for so many things...

God in my life

my husband...xo

my children

wonderful family

memories

my home

opportunities

health

plenty

friends...near and far

hot coffee

clean sheets

creativity

books

backyard chickens

mist over the mountain tops

work

a garden...in summer and winter

apple berry crisp

hot water

orange ginger lotion

the library

poetry

black currant tea

learning new things

a good pen

lists

my camera

time

gray skies

rain

my kitchen

blank journals

my wife, the slow cooker

Thanksgiving...my favorite holiday of the year

...that's a good start.

I'm thankful...for the big things...for the little things...for you.

Happy Thanksgiving

Off to a good start...

2011-11-19T09:52:00.001-08:00

Welp...today is the first day of a whole week off. I have to say...this time of rest is much needed. I've been under the weather for about a week with one ailment or another...and I'm tired. Tired of being under the weather! But maybe this just means I'm getting all of the flu bugs at once...getting them out of the way...and then I can be healthy the rest of the winter...yeah? Sounds good to me...

It's 10am and I'm still in my pj's...so far the day is going according to plan. (wink) I've got a load of laundry going, also in the plan, and I'm getting ready to shower, figure out something for dinner, then do homework in between laundry and...life.

I have no idea what the boys have going today...it's the first day of vacation so I don't have a problem with whatever plans they make so long as it doesn't include me going anywhere. We'll see how that pans out...

Oh...and the mealy, weird texture in my soup the other day? The potatoes! Thank you Corinne and Kym for telling me...now I know to use a different kind of potato next time. Thank you ladies!

OK...I'm hungry...and I need a shower. So I better do a little more than sit here and think about my to-do list. Oh...and Thanksgiving. I can't stop thinking about Thanksgiving...have I mentioned that it's my favorite holiday? Oh...what? A Just a time or two? Or seven? I can't help it...I love this time of year.

I whipped up a pot of soup real quick...

2011-11-18T08:39:00.001-08:00

I was in the mood for some soup. I had broccoli, shredded cheese and the leftover insides of some baked potatoes (saved from when I made potato skins for dinner last week) in the fridge.

I heated up a pot, added a can of chicken broth, 2-ish cups water, the leftover potato (about 2 cups...maybe 4-5 potatoes worth?) and a couple handfuls of broccoli florets. Set the mixture on high, brought it to a boil, then turned it down to medium heat and let it simmer.

I added some salt and a teensy bit of sugar (broccoli can be slightly bitter, ya know?) and stirred now and then.

In about 15-20 minutes the broccoli was nice and tender...almost ready.

I removed the "soup" from the heat, added a 1/2 cup or so of milk then blended it all together, nice and creamy, with my immersion blender. I seriously love this kitchen tool...if you don't have one, I think you need one. If you do have one but just don't use it, you really need to start. It's an amazing little tool...quick and easy to use...quick and easy to clean up...love it.

Anyway...

Once the soup was nice and creamy I added a bit more salt and some pepper to taste...and a handful of shredded cheese.

Then I stirred it all in.

And then...I ate it.

And it was good.

It was a nice warm tasty lunch. But, if I'm honest, it was a bit...um...mealy? Or grainy? Not sure why...? But yeah...the texture was slightly off. The taste, however, was not. It may have been better had I used cream or half and half rather than non-fat milk. But I am big on using what I've got...so milk it was. (And in thinking about it, next time, I'll add a little onion...just because. Or maybe because I want to be like Ina and get "depth of flavor"...man, how many times does she say that?!)

So it's Friday...it's gray and dreary out with a chance of beloved rain...next week is vacation...and my most favorite holiday ever...Thanksgiving.

Life is good...

list time...

2011-11-17T10:07:00.001-08:00

Cutest kitchen timer in the world...isn't she adorable?
She's one of my favorite things...

Lots on my mind today...scattered thoughts...thinking in bullet-points...

I got that little chicken timer at Christmas last year. Aunt Lisa purchased it for our annual gift exchange. Each year we pick a letter and then all of the adults buy an item that begins with that letter. Last year's letter...T. Hence the timer. I love it. Thank you Aunt Lisa...and Megan, who I stole it from in the gift exchange!! You're such a good sport. (She knew I was gonna snag it...it's what makes the game fun, right?)
Chris planted Japanese Maple seeds at the beginning of summer. The other day he transplanted five little saplings into pots...how cool is that? (It is called a sapling right?)
The winter garden is settling in to the cold soil...everything looks happy and even has a bit of new growth. So far, so good.
I got sick on Friday...and am only just now feeling better. It was something stomach related...then turned to gall bladder stuff (bye bye soda...I'll miss you forever)...then turned into a migraine. Seriously? Enough is enough.
I have a new quick and easy meal idea: tacos. The trick? Store bought taco shells. I know, I know...but hey, sometimes convenience wins out. I've got to feed this family of mine...these teenagers that are eating us out of house and home. And sometimes time is limited...right? Not to mention now that Ian is wrestling he walks in the door from practice and blurts, "I'm starving!". So last night I browned taco meat, warmed shells, dumped out shredded cheese into a bowl, chopped up some lettuce and a few of the last tomatoes from the garden...set out hot sauce and sour cream...and BAM, dinner is served!
Would you believe I'm halfway finished with my online class? It's Week 4 already! I know!! Admittedly, this is NOT my favorite class so far. Not at all. It's learning how to integrate technology into the classroom. And seeing as how I like my computer...and I like the internet...and many technology related things...you'd think I'd like the class. Yeah. Well... I don't. But that's OK...it's halfway over. And the next 4 weeks will go by equally as fast...if not faster. So it's all good.

There's more in this crazy head of mine...a few poems swirling around, thoughts of a continuing writer's group, I need to dust, I'm hungry, I have a LOT of schoolwork to do in the next 4-6 weeks (which is slightly overwhelming, yes), I'm looking forward to some rain this weekend...not to mention looking forward to having a week off, working for the school district rocks...

Speaking of which...I better get going...reality calls.

Wednesday in the Word...

2011-11-16T11:07:00.001-08:00

Yes. And Amen.

amazing what you come across when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing...

2011-11-11T19:30:00.001-08:00

It's Friday night...I'm watching Pride and Prejudice and sipping earl grey. I should be writing...but for whatever reason I am stalling...maybe because I'm distracted by P&P? It is a beautiful movie...I always get distracted during movies by the set design. I think it would be so cool to be a set designer...don't you think?

So I've been poking around on the internet today...

I made that photo mosaic up there...that was a good use of time, eh? Yes, yes...very important, indeed. (P&P is wearing off on me...)

I joined a cool site for writers...Writing Our Way Home. I'm pretty sure Jen led me to it months ago...and I am only now feeling confident enough to poke around and maybe join a group or two. I have yet to share any poems with anyone...only in class, so far. I'm working up my nerve...it's a bit intimidating.

And who knew making lotion was so easy? I can't wait to give this a try. I am very picky about lotions...always trying to find the perfect one. Maybe this will be it...*fingers crossed*.

I'm thankful for Veteran's...especially my family members. We watched a really good documentary this morning...The Conscientious Objector...the story of Desmond Doss, a WWII soldier with an amazing story. You could probably find the whole thing at the library...or maybe Netflix? It was good...a bit of a tear-jerker.

And now that I've stalled long enough...I am going to open a Word .doc and write. Write, write, write.

much ado about nothing...

2011-11-10T08:33:00.001-08:00

I'm just gonna start off by saying...I'm kinda cranky today. On edge. Impatient. I think it has something to do with being a woman...if ya know what I mean...*wink*. TMI? Sorry...but it's true! I pretty much chased Chris out of the house this morning with my lovely attitude...poor guy. And even after he planted our winter veggies yesterday and everything.

Our little winter garden looks so cute...Chris pulled the last of the tomatoes, raked and cleaned things up, then planted the chard, collards and broccoli....finally. Not finally for him...just in general because I kept forgetting about the poor little seedlings. They were sitting patiently in their plastic containers for weeks. But...now...they're cozy in the ground. Thank you honey! Now...let's hope they grow! We've never planted winter vegetables before...so this is a bit of an experiment. I'll keep you posted.

(And really...I think I'm the only one in this house that even likes these vegetables...except the broccoli...Seth eats lots of it when I make it...but the other stuff, not so much. Maybe they'll like it if it's fresh from our own garden...sometimes that makes all the difference.)

I borrowed a stack of Mary Oliver books from the library yesterday (placed them on hold, online, one of my favorite conveniences ever.)...she's the author I chose to analyze for my Creative Writing Final Portfolio...which weirdly enough, I'm excited to work on. We were given our choice of what to submit in our portfolio...two short stories, 9-12 poems or a combination of the two. I chose the combo which will translate into one short story and 4-6 poems. Although the more I write poems the more I am leaving the option open to submit all poetry. We'll see where I'm at with it all in a week or so.

Along with our own writing we have to analyze an author of our choice (Oliver) as well as a short story we had to read as a class selected by the instructor. I did not like the story at all...not even a little bit. Nor did I like the other short stories by the same author from the same book. Her writing makes me uncomfortable...and maybe that's her intention. I don't know. Either way...it's part of the final and therefore I will do it.

Funny to think we've only got a little over a month left of class...it was going along so slowly and now suddenly we're down to the wire. (I should be writing in my notebook and not here!) At this point I've got a short story written...but it needs tweaking using some of the feedback I got from the class. And I've got 5 poems written...two of which need a bit of tweaking, again based on feedback.

Hmmm...I probably should have titled this post, "School on the brain". If you've made it this far...thank you for listening to my ramblings.

And as a reward for reading on and on to my incessant droning...something beautiful from Mary Oliver...

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Doing it all.

2011-11-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of weeks I've received comments here on the blog, as well as personal emails and Facebook messages encouraging me in my efforts with school and work and...life. The encouragement from so many of you is priceless...and confirms to me over and over again that I am headed in the right direction. Thank you, sweet friends near and far, for taking the time to send kind words my way. It means so much to me.

One thing many of you are saying is "I don't know how you're doing it all!" This is a common sentiment in your sweet messages to me and I've been thinking about it a lot lately...and thinking about the things that I am doing...and wondering to myself why it doesn't feel like I'm "doing it all". I mean, I know I'm doing a lot, I know I'm busy, my schedule is full, I have a lot on my plate. But the crazy thing is that it's not difficult. It's not stressing me out. In all honesty, it actually feels good.

You want to know why?

It feels good to be "doing it all" because I know that everything I am doing is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I know that right now I am walking in God's will for my life. I am doing what He has planned out for me. And because of this He is giving me the strength and the peace and perseverance to "do it all". If I were to be doing this without God's provision and grace to handle all of these great opportunities then my mindset would be a LOT different. I would be stressed out and anxious and no fun to be around. And rather than saying "I don't know how you're doing it all!" you would be saying, "Girl, you need to slow down!"

There is such an amazing peace in knowing that everything I am doing each day is moving me one step closer to where I am supposed to be. Day by day I am getting closer to earning my degree...and closer to becoming a teacher...and closer to living my life the way that God planned for me when He formed me in my mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)

God has good things in store for us...He has a plan for each and every one of our lives. Each of us was created for a specific purpose...whether we believe it or not. And it's really not that hard to realize what that purpose is...we need only listen to His whispers and follow His lead. As you can see...I am not always the best listener. I can be stubborn...and a bit dense at times. (And a LOT dense at other times!) But I think that, after all these years of floundering and wondering and trying to find my own way, I can finally say that I know that I know that I know that I am fully in God's will and I am walking the path He paved for me.

And it feels really, really good.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

focusing on the good...

2011-11-07T09:27:00.000-08:00

Oh to be Pablo...he's got the life I tell ya.

It's feeling like a good day to focus on the good. Not because I'm feeling negative...but rather I am feeling grateful. So...here goes...my list of good things...

I do believe that winter has arrived...I love winter.
It's been cold and rainy here all weekend...and I am loving it!
Warm sweats and an oversize sweater.
Eating food my hubby cooked...he's the master at cooking breakfast.
Doing a few loads of laundry in between assignments...gotta love online classes. Seriously...I love them. It's worth the cost of convenience. (I say as I have yet to pay back student loans...ahem.)
The heater works. And I am grateful. There was a time when it did not. So I do not take it for granted.
Feeling blessed to have found a good church full of good people. Not perfect people. Or people who pretend to be perfect. But real and good people. It's refreshing.
Dinner out with my family. We stopped and got burgers on the way home from church last night...really good burgers. Then we drove home, stuffed to the gills, laughing about I don't even remember what and arguing over who gets the bathroom first! Gotta love free refills! (Sometimes it pays to be the only girl in the house.)
I'm loving my spiffed up kitchen...yes, yes, pictures are coming...soon!
I am so grateful for a job that fits my school schedule perfectly...and not only is the job perfect but the people I work with are very cool. Yes, it's temporary. But that's OK...I'm trusting God fully with this whole work/school situation. He knows what I need and will provide it all...I need only trust Him.
Speaking of work...it's a 4 day work week...that's always nice.
A family-filled weekend...I have an amazing family.
Hot showers.
Knowing that I am moving in the right direction...there is such peace in that.

OK...your turn. What's on your good list?

changing things up...

2011-11-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

I made a new header. It started from the above photo. Then after a few clicks here and a few clicks there over at Picnik.com...I had a new header. It's going to take some getting used to I think. It's much "quieter" than my last header. It's muted...sepia to be exact. I've been tiring of the last header for a while now. And have wanted to change it. It's just that I am spending so much time online doing homework (OK, and let's be honest...pinning away on Pinterest!! Hey, sometimes a girl just needs to zone out and gather up inspiration.) that I haven't made the time to create a new header.

I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I was going for a "fall" look. But I'm not so convinced that I didn't just made something...brown. I'll sit with it for a while...

(*edit*...I went on ahead and made a color header. The sepia was just too boring. See? I mean, I like it...but....Oh I dunno...what do you think?)

I went to a women's gathering last night in San Francisco with some ladies from the small church we've been attending, C3 Fairfield. It was really nice...it was fun to spend time with some great girls! It's also nice to be getting back into church and ministry type stuff. I took quite a long break from church and church related things. But ya know...as I ease back in to attending church regularly and going to a women's bible study once a week, I'm realizing that I missed it. And that it's a good thing to be a part of a healthy church and a genuine group of believers. I will admit it's not easy getting back into it...complacency took root faster than I'd like to admit. But...I'm making my way back. Slowly...but surely. And it's good.

It's Tuesday...again.

2011-11-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

photo credits...I love gray and brown.

It's November 1. The temperature is dropping and a cool breeze is blowing. The tomato plants are officially spent and the broccoli and chard starts are patiently awaiting planting. The leaves are beginning to turn and fall to the ground...such a pretty mess, isn't it? It was so chilly Friday morning I decided to turn the heater on for the first time. I love that smell...what is it, anyway? Dust and webs burning off? Whatever it is...I like it.

This is a busy week. (Is this anything new?) Last night was Halloween. Tonight is class. Tomorrow night I'm going to San Francisco for a women's gathering with a small group of women from the new church we've been attending. Thursday night (I think...maybe Friday?) I'm helping my mom wrap things up at Papa's house. His house sold, so we're holding an estate sale on Saturday. And I'm helping with that, too.

Somewhere in the midst of all of that I have to do homework. And lots of it. This new online class I'm taking is demanding and time-consuming. As is the creative writing class. Lots of writing. Lots of reading. Lots of work. And then, of course, there's bringing home the bacon, frying it up in the pan and never, ever, ever...well, you know the rest.

Even still, in the blur of it all...with the busy-ness and craziness and constant go, go, go...I am grateful. I am blessed. And I continue to see God's hand in every bit of it, every day.

It's Tuesday.

2011-10-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday. So far, so good. Everyone is headed off to start their busy days. I fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, and even included a snack or two. My brain is rather jumbled...some days it's a bit of a challenge to organize my thoughts. Today is one of those days. Soooo....guess what that means? Yep. Bullet-points.

My house smells like Axe (you know, the men's deodorant) and coffee. It's kind of a weird combo...I know.
I just realized I was born on a Tuesday. And supposedly "Tuesday's child is full of grace". Um. I must've missed something...I am so not graceful!
The more I say the word Tuesday, the more I like it.
There's moisture on the windshield...finally.
The leaves are falling from the Japanese Maple.
I'm wearing a sweatshirt.
Yep, winter is coming.
I just completed my first online class on Sunday. And then I started my second one yesterday. No breaks. Power through. I like it that way. Oh...and I got an A. :)
I don't have to purchase books for this next class...hallelujah!
It helps to write down everything I have to do and then place an empty box next to it so I can check it off when it's done. Thank goodness for back to school 10-cent notebooks.
I'm obsessed with sending my son off to college. Not that I want to send him off. But I want to be prepared. So I am gathering as much info as I can so that I am ready when the time comes. Because it's coming...whether I'm ready or not. Yes, I know I have over a year...but as we all know, time flies.
I didn't plant any winter veggies. I'm kind of annoyed. Maybe I'll join the CSA for the winter instead. Or do I still have time to plant? Whaddya think? Maybe at least some kale?
I have class tonight. I'm not cooking dinner.

Speaking of class...I have some homework to finish! Have a great day!!

Sunday morning...

2011-10-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

"'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters, and servants and masters not to come there. And then look Christ in the face, whose mercy you have professed to obey, and tell him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish his mercy to the world."

-William Booth

inspiration...

2011-10-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

...a photo from a little shop in Sonoma.

Friday? Already? This week sure went by fast. It started off with a stereotypical Monday...hadn't had one of those in a while. It included several very late nights...something that isn't good for me with the fibromyalgia and all. It included a morning of oversleeping...I don't know that my kids have ever been late to school due to oversleeping...ever!? (See? Those late nights...not good.)And it included a bout with the stomach flu...always fun, eh? But in the end...it's looking like we're gonna end it on a good note. Thank goodness!

Anyway...see that photo above? I took it while on a day out with my mom a while back. We were in a neat little shop trying to escape the rain! I loved that burlap curtain/room divider. It was nothing fancy...raw edges, no hems, just a few stitches to make the rod pocket, and there ya go...cool detail. I love it. Someday when I have a home that requires something like this...I'm totally doing it. Not only does it look interesting...but I imagine it's also budget friendly. If you really wanted to make it "sew" easy (ha!) you could hang it from one of those cable thingies with the metal clips from Ikea and not have to sew a rod pocket at all. Just sayin'...

Speaking of inspiration...every once in a while when I need to zone out and take a break from paper writing I click on over to Pinterest. Have you been there? Oh my...so much to see! I can really get lost there. If you want, you can follow me. (Disclaimer: There is some nudity so be careful about the other eyes in the room. I think it's inappropriate. But...to each his own. I just scroll on by...quickly.)

Another source of inspiration, mainly for the home, is a site called Houzz.com. It's broken down into decorating styles...traditional, eclectic, modern, etc. You create an account and then you can file photos you want to save for inspiration.

I've been taking poetry a bit more seriously as of late...thanks to my creative writing class. A friend recommended Poets.org for some inspiration. As with any reading material there's good stuff...and some maybe not so much. Although, that is just my opinion...what I am not drawn to, someone else may be. That's the beauty of creativity I guess...something for everyone.

And as always one of my ultimate favorite places for inspiration....Flickr. The photos that people take astound me daily...

* * *

What's inspiring you lately?

Wedensday in the Word.

2011-10-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

wake up...

Ephesians 5:8-14

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

(Wake up. This isn't a trial run. It's not a rehearsal. This is life. This is it. Do it well.)

no rhyme or reason.

2011-10-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

my homemade pickles came out pretty good this time...finally. maybe a tad much salt...but now I know for next year.
writing poetry is fun...who knew?
sausage and tortellini soup for dinner with cheesy bread...hope the fam likes it!
phone calls from friends..
friends becoming grandparents...so weird!
I'm (unbelievably) on task with my school work...feels good.
not using my camera enough...I miss it.
I've been sleeping so much better lately...being busy with school and work is a good thing.
the summer garden is coming to a close...just harvested a few tomatoes this morning and I think that's about it.
thinking about planting some winter stuff but feeling kind of overwhelmed about it...not a lot of time, not a lot of experience...but really need to go for it, anyway. I'll be sad in the winter if I don't...I know this from experience (last year).

What's tumbling through your mind today? Are your thoughts as disjointed as mine?!

Wednesday in the Word

2011-10-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

Food and Table on Flickr

^{Psalm 136:23-26}

He remembered us in our low estate
   His love endures forever.
And freed us from our enemies.
   His love endures forever.
He gives food to every creature.
   His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

Wednesday in the Word.

2011-10-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

“Seek the LORD while he may be found;

call on him while he is near.”

Isaiah 55:6

a prize for one of you...

2011-10-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

Hey! Blog reader afkjl!

You got the question right the other day...it IS Calhoun Tubbs from In Living Color! Good job!

I'd like to send you some notecards. Email me your mailing address and I'll get a set out to you soon!

xoxoxox

misty and grey...

2011-10-04T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure fall has finally arrived. And I couldn't be happier.

It's sprinkling outside right now...and come to think of it, I think the boys walked in the rain. Oops! (Maybe it wasn't raining when they left?) The flower photo was taken over the summer...it's part of the cut your own bouquet at the farm stand...so pretty. A nice shot of color before we enter into a world of black and white.

My thoughts are pretty fragmented lately. I blame my busy schedule...and this weather...from hot to cool, dry to wet, not a lot of warning...par for the area I live in. But it still takes me a while to acclimate, it seems.

For the first time in a long time I find myself feeling a little sad that summer is over. I made BLT's for dinner last night...sliced up two fresh, juicy, delicious tomatoes from the garden...and realized that it was going to be a long winter without them. Growing your own has a way of changing your mind set. Who knew a garden could be a cure for the blues?

I've been writing poetry for the past week or so...maybe two. I don't consider myself a poet. I am too wordy.. :) But since it was an assignment for creative writing I had to write a poem...and so I did. It wasn't amazing...or wonderful...only slightly poetic. We'll see what the class has to say during workshop/critique time in class...talk about the hot seat! I let Chris read it...he thought it was good. He "got" it. That was nice..

The weird thing about writing poetry is that I'm finding that I actually like it. Writing it, that is. And reading it. Although, admittedly I am a very picky poetry reader. I don't always get it...or feel like trying. It was helpful that my instructor assigned a book of poetry written by an old instructor of mine, Quinton Duvall. His poems are amazing...he had such a gift of being able to use every single word effectively. Not a word went to waste when he wrote...

Another weird thing about writing poetry is that I find myself thinking in poetic phrases...or hearing certain things differently. Like describing the weather...misty and grey...today, those words are a fact. But they could also be used in a poem...or at least I think so. I'll try anyway...and see what comes out. I think that's what I like about this new way of expressing myself...poetry...I start with one thought, and end up somewhere else entirely. Like an adventure... Or therapy.

What do you think? Do you read poetry? Do you write poetry? Do you have a favorite poet to recommend? Do tell...I'd love to hear your thoughts...

xoxoxo

tell me something good...

2011-09-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

Life is good.
Wanna hear about it? Here it go!

(I'll send a packet of my latest note card designs to the first person who can tell me where that's from!)

Good things:

getting good grades...I've got A's in both my classes so far. Go me!
cool morning breezes...it's beautiful right now.
celebrating the birth of my hubby....Happy Birthday honey!
steady work...I'm grateful.
working with nice people...the school I'm working at is great.
tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes...harvested another big basket yesterday.
salsa! my husband makes the most delicious salsa...
my sons...I love them more than I can express.
talking about God with women who feel the same way I do about Him.
being prayed for by those women (thank you ladies...xo)
knowing that autumn will soon be here...at least I think it will!
a good night's sleep.
working for my weekend...it means so much more when you earn it.
talking to another mom at the Homecoming float building extravaganza about making pickles...can't wait to try her technique.
knowing that each day I am one step closer to where I'm supposed to be...that is definitely very good.

What's good in your world today?

Wednesday in the Word.

2011-09-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

Our wedding day...June 2002

* * * * *

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—

but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also

must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:31-33

* * * * *

I'm feeling an urgency to say CHERISH YOUR SPOUSE.

It's apparent that the enemy of our souls, Satan, does not want unity in our marriages. He wants strife and distance and anger and bitterness and discontent. He wants separation. And divorce. He wants families torn apart...ripped in two...shredded to pieces. He wants sadness and despair and brokenness.

But this is not what God calls us to when we enter into the covenant of marriage. He calls us to love and cherish and uplift and encourage and support. Our vows say for better or worse...for richer or poorer. Marriage is for always...in the good and the bad. It's a union of the heart, soul and body...it's making two people as one. Isn't that beautiful? It is poetic if you really stop and think about it...that God created something so amazing to be shared between a man and a woman; something so personal and intimate...strong and fragile all at the same time. Only God can make such things.

Marriage is beautiful...a gift. And may I gently remind you to treat it as such? Don't take your spouse for granted...they are so very valuable.

Praying today...for you...and for me. For your marriage...and for mine. I pray you see things in a new way today...that God remove any blinders and that you can see clearly...and remember why you fell in love in the first place. I pray those memories warm your heart...and remind you how much you love that man of yours. xo

the skinny.

2011-09-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

I took this a long time ago...

I'm feeling really good lately...feeling like I'm doing "the right thing". I feel like every step I take is leading me in the "right" direction. (I use "quotes" only because what I'm doing is "right" for ME. I'm not saying that it's "right" for everyone. We all have unique callings and need to follow God's lead.)

So I've mentioned a time or two...I finally signed up for college courses again. And as soon as I did it was as if my world suddenly calmed, my confusion about life and where I was in all of it just disappeared and in an instant everything stopped spinning. What I'm doing (going back to school) may not be for everyone...just like other endeavors weren't "the right thing" for me. Things like making a living using my creativity. Been there, done that. And while it was fun and made me a little bit of grocery money, it wasn't "it". I wanted it to be. I really, really wanted to make a living being creative and making things and selling things. But...it didn't work out.

Then I thought I might turn Give a Girl a Fig into a money-maker...sell ad space, network, offer stuff...and for a minute it looked like it might work. But as I put my efforts into that there was a part of me that was still spinning, still confused, still...out of God's will.

Over this past year I took my life into my own hands and made decisions based on fear, confusion and frustration. The more I tried to figure it all out and manipulate it to work how I thought it should the more confused I got. Basically I turned my back on God. Not that I was denying Him...or mad at Him...or didn't love Him...or didn't hear from Him...or follow Him. I did all of those things. I love God. With all my heart. But there was a little part of me (or maybe a big part of me) that said, "Fine, God. I'll just do it myself then. Because YOU are not making it happen fast enough. So, thanks, anyway. I'll take it from here."

As soon as I took matters into my own hands...I took them out of God's.

And He let me. He's like that.

So now it's a year later...almost to.the.day. It's been a year of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.
No-where.
A whole year...wasted.

However, because God is perfect and good and loving and creative, He let's nothing go to waste. While I could say this year has been wasted, that wouldn't be completely true. Yes, I wasted a year of my precious time. But God did NOT waste that year of His time. He put all of that time to perfect use. During this past year God utilized all of my confusion, my discontent, my frustration, my hurts, my insecurities, my anger and He turned it all into something useful.

All of it. Every last little bit.

And now in hindsight I can see it. Isn't that always the case?

But that's OK...because now I can move forward knowing, without a doubt, that I am walking in His will. I am sure of it. This doesn't mean I may not stray down my own path now and then. I am ME after all...a bit stubborn, a bit dense, a bit...oh look! a butterfly!...you get what I'm saying? I may get a little distracted.

But I believe that the next time this happens (IF it happens! thinking positive here!)...the next time I'm feeling dizzy and confused and stuck...that I will stop and remember God's plan for me, realize I've taken a detour He did not set before me and get back on the path He's paved for me.

As for the past year and all He's taught me and shown me...I still want to share. And I will...when He wants me to.

Wednesday in the Word

2011-09-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

simplicity

Isaiah 12:4-6

⁴ In that day you will say:

   “Give praise to the LORD, call on his name;
   make known among the nations what he has done,
   and proclaim that his name is exalted.
⁵ Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things;
   let this be known to all the world.
⁶ Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,
   for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.”

I may have shared this before...but it's worth sharing again...

Give praise...sing...shout aloud...let it be known to all the world that God is good...

Even the pets are asking...

2011-09-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

Are you ever going to blog again?

Yes. I am. It's just going to be a little less regularly. Between working part-time and going to school one night a week and doing hours and HOURS of homework...not to mention running these kids around, planning meals, doing laundry, feeding those pathetic little animals up there, buying groceries, dusting, vacuuming and mopping the occasional floor...my time here is a bit limited.

My time for photo taking is limited, too. And I find that when I don't have photos to share, I don't write. I rely on my photos to give me a jumping off point for posts. So...no photos, no words. (Hmmm...I may be onto something. Maybe I need to use photos as writing prompts for my Creative Writing class? I am having the worst time writing what I'm told to write. Stubborn.)

So I'm still here. But I guess most of my words are going toward homework assignments. And trust me, you do NOT want to read those. Borrrrr-ingggggg.

Bear with me while I forge through this time of change in my life, will ya? I have to say, I'm really excited about everything...school, work, working with kids. It's a lot of work...and making me sleep really well at night. I am feeling so much more accomplished each day knowing that I am one step closer to my goal. A goal that I've put off for far too long. But that's OK...better late than never. And really, this may actually be perfect timing.And maybe someday, when I'm teaching in my own classroom, knowing in my heart that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, I'll look back and be able to see that none of my time was wasted. And that every moment had a purpose...

a dream.

2011-09-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

photo credit

4 years ago, almost to the day, I had a vivid dream. I dream a lot. But I don't always remember them nor are they always vivid. But this particular dream was very vivid...so much so that I can still see it in my mind's eye to this day.

I was laying in a bed trying to go to sleep. Everything was dark except for directly around the bed which was only dimly lit.I was laying on my side when all of a sudden a sheep jumped up onto the bed and lay down next to me. I was disgusted because the sheep was filthy...hay and dirt and leaves and such all matted into its wool and it was getting in my bed and on my sheets. I tried to push it away to keep it from touching me but each time it pressed in closer. I'd push...it'd press in. I'd push...it'd press in.

The more I tried to push it away the closer it wanted to be.

Reluctantly I let this sheep lay next to me but I tried not to touch it. But after a while I realized that all this sheep wanted was to be close to me. It meant no harm. It didn't know it was so dirty. It didn't know it was making a mess. It just wanted to be near me.

Hesitantly I draped my arm over this sheep and was surprised at how soft it was. I allowed it to snuggle in close to me and as I did that the hay and the dirt and mud and grime disappeared. It was no longer what I saw. What I saw was a soft, gentle sheep that needed me.

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. -John 21:17

focusing on the good.

2011-09-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

go see for yourself

It's Monday. And I'm actually getting ready to go to work at my son's jr. high...subbing for one of the secretaries. But I wanted to take a moment to say hello and list out a few good things...it's one of those days that I need a reminder or two to be positive.

getting more sub calls...it brings me hope and lets me know I'm on the right track.
dinner planned and ready to go...grilled burgers and corn on the cob. Gotta take advantage of what's left of summer!
harvesting 12 lbs of tomatoes from the garden. I know!
a freshly ironed white linen blouse.
being a week ahead of Creative Writing homework.
cool mornings.
getting organized..autumn is in the air.
good friends...near and far...I'm blessed.
the opportunity to go back to school and get my degree.
the Crock Pot...it's gonna be my best friend for the next year or so!

Better wrap this up...time to get ready to go to work!

Happy Monday...what's good in your neck of the woods?

Wednesday in the Word

2011-09-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

Psalm 63:1

A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.

You, God, are my God,
   earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
   my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
   where there is no water.

Still feeling a little dry...tis the season I suppose. God is near...I hear Him...I feel Him...I love Him...

I was feeling like life was at a stand still...I was feeling stuck.

Unsure. Confused. Distant.

I blamed summer. And heat. I blamed distractions...kids at home, dirty floors, no schedule. Then I made excuses. And more excuses. I even talked myself out of a commitment I made over a year ago...finishing college and earning my degree once and for all.

The silence and confusion was really getting to me. I kept asking, "God...what do you want me to DO?"

No answer. Quiet. The silent treatment.

So...as any stubborn child of God would do, (don't give me that look...) I took matters into my own hands. And I messed it all up.

When I went back to school in 2009 (yes. it's been that long ago. crazy isn't it?) I had a plan. A really good plan. And I know that the plan was stirred up in me by God...He knows the plans He has for me. As soon as I signed up for classes and began working toward my degree for real (I began my college career about 25 years ago...yeah.) it seemed like everything else fell into place. Everything made sense. I knew what I was working toward...and it was going smoothly. I was making real progress. And it felt really good.

Then in 2010 you may remember that I went on a trip to Belgium. And in order to prepare for the trip and also recover from the trip I took an 8-week break from my courses.

That break turned into a year. Just.like.that.

I have to admit, I was very down on myself for letting a whole year slip by. A whole year. To say "slip by" is really sugar-coating it. That year didn't "slip by"...I wasted it.

(But...God wastes NOTHING. He used that year, even though I didn't. And I see it now...and yes, I'll share in another post.)

Yes...God was quiet. He was. But not because He was giving me the silent treatment. He was quiet because He'd already told me what to do. And like any parent, I imagine He didn't feel it necessary to tell me again.

Life doesn't have to be dry...there is always water...sometimes we just need to go out and get it.

ode to summer..

2011-09-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

Please tell me it isn't really September already? I can't believe how quickly time is slipping by.

It seems like just last week I was whining about summer coming, droning on and on about how 'me and heat just don't get along.' I think I may have thrown in a few, and please use your best British accent as you read this... "woe is me...what will I do with the children all.summer.long?" Did you do it? And did you picture me with the back of my hand on my forehead as I draped exhaustedly across a chaise?

Good. Because that's exactly how it happened.

Anyway...

I've got to admit, this past summer was actually, dare I say, quite nice. The weather was moderate, which is unusual for my area. But it was good...it was tolerable. And would you believe I actually (secretly and very quietly) wished for a few hotter days so my beautiful tomatoes would ripen? I did. I know. Me. Wishing for heat. Something crazy was definitely going on here.

I blame the tomatoes. They make me do crazy things. Things like wish for heat and make tomato sauce from scratch. Yep. You read that right. I made my own tomato sauce. I looked online and in some cook books for inspiration and then I did whatever the heck I wanted. What can I say? It's how I roll.

I had a ton of tomatoes...beautiful, ripe, delicious tomatoes. And we couldn't eat them fast enough. So after much gearing up and positive self-talk (I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And gosh darnit, people like me.) I went for it. I blanched a bunch of tomatoes...removed their skins (and gave them to the chickens...happy girls, for sure)...chopped the tomatoes into small chunks...seasoned them with garlic and onion (that we also grew) and Italian seasoning...I added some sugar and some salt and some fresh basil from the stand down the road. Then simmered it all for an hour or so.

It was great...I felt so...so...so like I actually knew what I was doing. I felt natural and together. It was awesome.

When the sauce was done and the tomatoes were all saucy and the flavors all melded together I looked at my beautiful creation, admiring its fresh, homegrown goodness...and I had no idea what to DO with it.

Not a clue.

So I let it sit a while.

And then I froze it.

Then get this...later in the week I made some spaghetti sauce...using canned goods. My husband looked at me like I was crazy and barked, "What's this? Didn't you just just make real tomato sauce?"

*Cricket cricket*

It wasn't until yesterday that I finally worked up the nerve to actually use it. I added it to a Crock Pot full of chicken tenders and made something akin to cacciatore. And can I just say...the sauce was GOOD. It was different. It was better than anything I've ever made using tomatoes from a can. I'm ruined. I thought we grew a lot of tomatoes this season. Just wait until next year.

Summer, summer, summer. I was just beginning to enjoy it. And now...it's almost over. (Am I ever happy?!)

Yes, summer is coming to an end alright. The kids are back in school, the mornings are cooling off, football is on...sure signs that Fall is in the air. And I really need to pinch myself as I say this...but I think this may be the first summer ever that I might be a little bit sad to see it go. (Who AM I? I know!)

Don't get me wrong. I still don't like the heat. But my tomatoes do...so for that reason alone I will miss summer.

A little.

I need a calendar.

2011-09-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

Flickr...oh the goodness of Flickr.

This week has been a blur. I have had plans each day, made lists and everything...of things I wanted {needed} to get done...but then something else came up, someone called, an appointment was remembered, and each day took a different turn than I'd planned. Then, suddenly, it would be 11pm and the lists were left incomplete.

I need a calendar. I've been double-booking. It's kind of funny...I'm super picky about my calendar, or date book really, not like a wall calendar. I prefer the notebook style of calendar...with big squares that I can write stuff in...dates, appointments, birthdays, plans, homework assignments. And if I can't find what I'm looking for I go without until I find what works for me. Even if that means jotting down appointments and such on sticky notes and bill envelopes and the backs of receipts. No wonder I can't keep things straight.

To make the whole calendar thing more challenging...I am cheap. I don't want to pay a ton of money for a date book. Matter of fact, the last one I got I actually found at the 99 Cent Store and it was perfect. Sometimes I fantasize about making my own...printing things out, using recycled materials, stapling it and sewing it and adding pockets made of old envelopes.

Hmm...matter of fact...that is NOT a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all...

A day in the life...

2011-08-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

This is what I feel like doing today.

But.. instead I will be...

grocery shopping

doing laundry

finishing a creative writing paper

figuring out how to work my online class (pray for me?)

updating my resume

* * * * *

It's Monday...and the weekend was good. Slow...productive...good.

But...it's time to get down to business. Time's a wastin'!!

What are you doing today?

focusing on the good..

2011-08-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed today...it's been a BUSY week. The kids went back to school...and so did I! Somehow, without trying or doing it on purpose, I managed to take a year off from school. And, um, at my age, I don't have a year to spare. But...regardless of my age or time or whatever...I have not worked toward my degree for a whole year. *cricket cricket*

I know. To say that I am frustrated and disappointed in myself is an understatement. I am. Very. But...it is what is...the time is gone...and so now I have no choice but to pull my head out (yes, I said that) and GET TO WORK.

On that note...I will tell you that I signed up for two classes this semester (three would have been ideal, but it wasn't in the cards this semester) and I am officially back on track. I am also more motivated than ever...and actually very excited and very hopeful. And while taking a "break" was not a good decision, it is now giving me the push I needed to buckle down and finish school.

Sooooo...because I'm feeling disappointed but trying to think positive instead, I'm pretty sure this is a perfect time for focusing on the good:

Harvesting 7 lbs. of tomatoes from my garden this morning. I love it!
Going to a San Francisco Giants game at AT&T Park, on a school night, with my whole family...mom, dad, brother and his family, and all of us. Super fun...even though they lost. (Thanks mom and dad!)
Having a goal and working toward it.
Sitting under the ceiling fan.
BLT's with fresh tomatoes...mm mm mmmm.
Information (and friends!) at my finger tips.
Sun tea...every time.
The neighbor trimming his trees and inadvertently providing more sunshine for our grass in the backyard.
Washing dishes by hand. (Dishwasher pooped out.) Weird. I know. But I'm really enjoying it.
Realizing that I am closer to my degree than I thought.
Also realizing that I can take half of the classes I need for my Bachelor's Degree at the local community college hence saving us LOTS of money.
Busy, active, involved kids. Not too busy...but busy doing things they choose and enjoy and are good at.
Finding a new church...I think.
Applying for a few jobs at the school district and feeling hopeful that one of them will be just for me.
Finished projects...thank you honey!
Loads of blooms on the Meyer lemon tree. (thanks for the tip mom!)
A stack of library books.
Pablo sleeping above my pillow and resting his paw on my head.
NOT being the oldest person in my Creative Writing class at the junior college. *wink*

I don't know about you...but I'm feeling much better. Nothing like counting your blessings to make you realize what's really important in life.

The only real mistake is the one

from which we learn nothing.

~John Powell

Wednesday in the Word.

2011-08-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 61:10-11

¹⁰ I delight greatly in the LORD;
   my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
   and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
   and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
   and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness
   and praise spring up before all nations.

Happiness is...

2011-08-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

Happiness is...harvesting 5 lbs. of organic tomatoes from my own backyard. Aren't they beautiful? I have decided I love growing tomatoes. I love growing other vegetables, too. But for some reason, tomatoes are turning out to be my favorite. I think it's because they give me such an ego boost...plant them in decent soil, water regularly, and you've got a success on your hands. It's just that simple. What's not to love?

The tomato plants are wild and unruly. (Maybe another reason I love them?) They are loaded with tomatoes of all sizes and at all stages of ripeness. I see spots of red and orange throughout the tomato patch and it makes me happy...I pluck each ripe beauty and set it in the basket.

I see little green tomatoes all over the place...and I have hope for the future. It means more salsa in my future...it means an opportunity to teach myself how to preserve some tomato sauce...it means I've made it one step closer to learning how to provide food for our family.

I harvested this basket full yesterday afternoon. I went out to the garden to check on something else and realized there were tons of tomatoes "ripe for the pickin'". By the time I was done and covered in dirt and leaves and smelling like a giant tomato plant, I realized the basket felt quite heavy. Maybe not heavy as much as it felt substantial.

I couldn't resist the temptation to actually weigh it: 5 lbs. I had to tally it up in my head if I were to buy these tomatoes at the store. Not bad...

I am loving growing tomatoes...yes I am. And the more I harvest...the more salsa Chris makes...the more I'm able to eat cherry tomatoes straight off the vine and still warm from the sun, the more I want to grow more and more tomatoes. I want to grow green tomatoes and orange tomatoes and purple tomatoes...oh, and white tomatoes! I can hardly wait for next summer!

Wait a minute...did I just say that? Me? Hardly able to wait for summer? Somebody check my temperature.

Not bad for a Monday..

2011-08-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

I made pickles on Monday.

And strawberry jam.

Chris and I had gone to the local fruit stand on Friday and purchased some pickling cucumbers, fresh dill, local garlic and a few other goodies. I had plans to make pickles Saturday morning.

Well, I don't know about you...but it takes me some "gearing up" to bust out that canning pot. Not to mention getting all the jars out...and washing them real good...making sure I've got lids and rings...and on and on and on.

So...in true Michelle form...I procrastinated. And the cucumbers and dill sat in wait in the fridge all weekend.

I woke up on Monday morning and I knew I had to either make pickles...or feed the cucumbers to the chickens. I decided to go for it and make the dang pickles.

Now, keep in mind, I don't have a great track record with pickle making. I've made them twice...and both times I thought they were gross. And those who tasted them agreed. :( They were too this or too that...not enough this or not enough that. This last time (last summer) I made the HUGE mistake of using pre-mixed pickling spice...YUCK. The pre-mixed pickling spice contains Allspice which is just too sweet. (At least I think that's the culprit.) I like a good puckery dill pickle. OR a nice, sweet bread and butter pickle. But I do NOT like a sweet-ish dill pickle. Blech.

(Picky much?)

Anyway...I was inspired recently to take one last stab at making homemade pickles. I was going through old recipes with my mom and we came across one that my great-grandmother used. It was so simple and straight-forward: cucumbers, vinegar, water, salt, fresh dill, garlic cloves, grape leaves. (I bought everything but the grape leaves...we had our own in the backyard thanks to our spring planting of grape vines!)

Simple enough, right? I went for it. I canned 5 jars and left one in the fridge for taste-testing the next day. And...I'm happy to report...so far they're a hit! They're very puckery...very salty...very pickly. So far we've only tasted the jar that did not get a hot water bath...so they're quite crunchy. I wasn't going to process them as I wanted them to remain crunchy. But I got nervous about long-term storage and decided at the last minute to give them a quick process (about 5 minutes) just to make sure. And from what I understand, the grape leaves (which contain alum) are added to keep the cucumbers a bit more crisp. So we shall see...I'll let you know when we open a jar...soon!

In the middle of my pickle-making frenzy Chris came home for lunch. He was having a hankering for a pb&j. Unfortunately, we've been out of "j" for quite some time. I kept saying I was going to make homemade strawberry jam...and since I was going to make it, I was refusing to buy it.

(Yes...picky and stubborn. What can I say?)

Seeing how upset he was about not having any jam in the house I decided then and there to whip up a batch. I mean, why not? I've got the canner out and full of hot water...I've got jars and lids at the ready...my kitchen is already a disaster. Not to mention the strawberry patch is a quick 1-minute drive away. Yeah...why not?!

About an hour later we had 5 pints of strawberry jam cooling on the counter along with the 5 quarts of pickles I'd made earlier.

Not bad for a Monday, eh?

Wednesday in the Word.

2011-08-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

Chinese baby hat in a shop in Sonoma.

Psalm 139:13-16

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

* * * * * * * * *

I did a bible study by Beth Moore back in 2007 titled Believing God. There was one statement she made (among many others, of course, but this one was important enough to me that I took the time to write it in the margin of my bible.) Basically she paraphrased verse 15...and I thought it was beautiful...

God hid you in a blanket of soft tissue and bid your heart to beat. For many

days He alone knew you existed. You were His secret. ~ Beth Moore

To know that God alone knew about me weeks before my mother did is mind boggling. To think that it was because of Him that my heart began to beat. To think that it was just me and God...to know that He was caring for me, forming me, planning me, making a place for me in this world....this great big world...

We were not a surprise to God.

He planned me and He planned YOU.

He created us for a reason and a purpose.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

God doesn't make mistakes.

Rosie...

2011-08-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

April 1993 - August 2011

Last Monday I had to say good bye to my sweet girl, Rosie. Rosebud....Rose Mose...Miss Rose...

I got Rosie when she was about 7 weeks old...she was so stinkin' cute. I had moved out into a one-bedroom apartment by myself...a little apartment out in the country. It was a mess. I remember taking my mom out to see it and she immediately said, "You are NOT living out here."

Well...I had already made up my mind. I was going to live there. So in true mom and dad spirit...they helped me fix it all up. We painted and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned...and cleaned. It was pretty bad...but we had a vision. My dad installed a new shower surround...I had carpet and linoleum installed...and before we knew it, it was a cute little apartment.

I moved in...and a week or so later along came Rosie girl. That was 18 years ago...

Rosie has been with me through 4 moves...she was there when I met Chris...and when the boys were born. She's been with me longer than any of them have...Rosie had seniority. (I kid...pretty much.)

In the last few years Rosie's health began to deteriorate. And I knew that the time was coming...I knew I'd have to make a really hard decision at some point. She had health issues...but they didn't seem to stop her. She ate and drank and kept herself spotless clean. But in the last few weeks she was starting to move a little slower...to walk gingerly...and she ate less and less.

I knew...it was time.

So...I did the right thing.

Her little indentation is still on the back of the sofa pillow...her favorite place to lay next to the front window. I don't have the heart to fluff it up...

I miss her like crazy.

What are you doing? {aka: the post in which I get a bit preachy.}

2011-08-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

The other day I was putting in (yet another) load of laundry. Laundry is that chore that just never goes away, right? Laundry is endless. Never done. Always multiplying.

So...I'm adding a load of clothes to my new washer (that isn't working very well, by the way...but I'm trying to focus on the good..at least I'm not using a washboard or a rock.) and I find myself grumbling. I find myself being bored...and feeling like life is just so mundane...and wondering, "Seriously? Is this all there is to it?" ("It" being life...)...and suddenly being reminded of something I read in a book years ago.

Essentially it said this, "Whatever you are doing...do it unto the Lord."

Washing yet another load of laundry? Do it unto the Lord. And...while you're at it...thank the Lord for the family He's blessed you with that dirties up all that laundry.

Picking up your sons' stinky socks...for the hundredth time? Do it unto the Lord. And...while you're at it...thank the Lord for those sons, that they are in your life and that they are healthy and active enough to dirty up those socks.

Rinsing off a plate that someone left in the sink for you to take care of...even though you've asked them to load their own plates into the dishwasher? Do it unto the Lord. And...while you're at it, thank the Lord for that loved one that dirtied the plate. And...while you're at it...thank the Lord for the food that dirtied it up.

Vacuuming...again....for the 3rd time this week? Do it unto the Lord. And...while you're at it...thank the Lord that you have a home that has carpet and not a dirt floor...and that you are physically able to push a vacuum that has plenty of electrical power to make it work.

And the list goes on and on...

The bottom line is..."Stop complaining." I am reminded, yet again, of this. I am reminded to stop complaining and to be thankful. I grumble too much...and God is calling me on it. Every time. And I am being reminded that whatever I do...I need to do it for Him. To bless Him...to glorify Him...and to be thankful...in all things.

the garden: a learning process {otherwise known as me thinking out loud}

2011-08-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

Check it out on Flickr to see what's what.

The garden is doing pretty good. Not too many pests...no disease yet...so far much of it is quite lush.

The tomatoes are doing great. They are taller than me, and about as wide. We definitely planted enough of them...we've got bite-size tomatoes galore. They are wonderful right off the vine (definitely something to be said for organic gardening)...and they are fantastic in Chris' homemade salsa. Poor guy makes a big batch and we descend on it like locusts...it's gone before he knows it! The bigger tomatoes are taking longer to ripen...but once they do, we're in business.

The peppers are thriving, too. Anaheim's, pasillas, jalapenos and a purple bell pepper. So far we've harvested one purple bell pepper. One. But there are lots of little ones forming...so I'm looking forward to that. They taste good...but even more than that, they are very pretty in the garden. The Anaheim's and the jalapenos are loaded with peppers...so good in the salsa and delicious roasted and then served on paninis...one of our favorite meals. (Thank goodness my family loves a good sandwich...talk about an easy dinner.)

Cantaloupe. Chris planted cantaloupe on a whim. I had been told that it was hard to grow. So I took that word as gospel and never even gave it a try. Chris threw caution to the wind and went for it...and they are doing pretty well! I think we've got 4 or 5 baby melons growing! Good job honey.

So far so good.

Well, except for the disappointments of the season.

Out of the dozen or so (at least) sunflower seeds I planted, I've got one sunflower growing. One. But I have a feeling it's going to be beautiful once it blooms. It's finally getting ready to flower. Don't you just love how they literally follow the sun? So interesting.

The squash plants are huge and green and lush...and have produced two zucchinis. Two. TWO. I feel cheated. I am letting the Blue Hubbard grow and grow and grow...so far there are two or three baby squash growing. That's it. The acorn squash got shaded out by the zucchini plant...which is fine, we figured out we're not crazy about acorn squash, anyway.

Green beans...I harvested one meals worth of beans. And it's not looking like I'm going to get much more than that. Which is sad...we all love fresh green beans.

Cucumbers? I planted two plants. One survived. And so far, harvest tally is.......two cucumbers. They were really good cucumbers...but...there were only two of them. Again, this is fine as we're not really big cucumber fans. Ian used to eat them like an apple...literally half of a cucumber at a time. But...he claims he doesn't like them anymore. At this point, we're all in agreement that the best way to eat cucumbers is pickled. That changes garden planning...ya know?

So. What does all of this mean?

It means that plans for next year's garden are going to be a bit different.

We'll still plant lots of tomatoes because we love them on BLT's and sliced as a side dish and in salsa. Tomatoes are a no-brainer. Oh...and peppers, too. Easy to grow. And can be roasted and frozen.

Zucchini...lots of plain ol' zucchini plants. No squash. No acorns. No blue something-or-others. Just zucchini. Bam. Done.

Green beans. We love them. I need to plant LOTS of them. Lots and lots. And I need to plant them away from tomatoes and in plenty of sunshine. The year before last we had a great green bean season. I grew pole beans...on poles made of tree branches...they got plenty of sun and they gave us plenty of green beans. I will try it that way again and then plant even more so we have enough to freeze a bit for winter.

Cucumbers. I need to read up on planting pickling cucumbers. I want to know how many I need to plant to get a decent pickle harvest. And then figure out if I have the room. Or figure out how to make room. And if it's not going to work...save my time, money and garden space and go out to the local stand and BUY a ton of pickling cucumbers and call it a day.

I would love to grow corn...but sun and space are a bit limited for a decent corn crop. And it's affordable enough that I can buy it local...and it is so delicious. (And truth be told...I'm the only one in my family that loves corn on the cob. Love it. But I probably don't need all that much.)

The smart thing is to grow food that we want to eat. If not, it's a lot of work and time and water...for nothing. Right? Right.

Gardening is definitely a learning process. And just when you think you've got something figured out...the dynamics change and you have to rethink the whole thing. No wonder I enjoy gardening...it never gets boring!

How does your garden grow? Learning anything new this season?

focusing on the good.

2011-08-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

Go here to see who did what.

I am finding that focusing on the good is helpful to me. It reminds me of the blessings in my life...it reminds me of how fortunate I am...and how good life can be when I choose to see good things.

Focusing on the good reminds me that there is beauty in the world...there are good people...and good experiences. It's a challenge some days....this world is going to hell, literally. And everywhere I turn I see despair...and pain...and ugliness. I can really dwell on that if I let myself.

But instead of dwelling...I'm focusing on the good.

Sun tea. Yes, again. I can't help myself.
A car load of hilarious and animated teenagers on their way to student council camp...and being in charge of the stereo, "Mom! Bump it!" (I was pretty sure that meant, "Turn it up!" So I did. :)
Cooler temps in August...it's been beautiful.
Corn on the cob. With butter. And pepper.
My mom and dad. They are awesome. And I appreciate them.
Talking to a friend on the phone. xo
Meeting new people and learning new things in the process.
Gray nail polish on my toes.
Being understood.
A teensy bit of light shining in the darkness. It's a start.
A drive in the country with my husband.
New music.
Clean sheets.
Encouragement.

How about you? What's good in your corner of the world?

Wednesday in the Word

2011-08-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

10 And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. 11 Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. 12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But he who endures to the end shall be saved.

Matthew 24:10-13

So there's this book at work (if you don't know, I work at the christian book store) that has been in my line of sight for quite some time. Over the past few months it has been recommended to me...twice. I have avoided it. (I have avoided a lot, actually.)

Yesterday, while at work, I saw it on the shelf. And I realized it was the last copy in the store. I grabbed it and set it on the back counter..."Fine...I'll think about it."

Work was steady...I helped customers and stocked shelves. After a while I had a moment of down time and decided to thumb through the book. I read a few paragraphs and knew...I had to read the whole thing. I bought it.

So what's the book? The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. The subtitle is, "Living Free from the Deadly Trap of Offense".

After months of being (sort of) quiet...and sitting (sort of) still...and being (very) confused...and (completely) frustrated...I think I've finally figured out the root of my stagnation: I feel offended.

I won't go into detail. Or give names or situations. I'm not sure who reads this blog. And I don't want to offend in return.

And besides it's not necessary to rehash past hurts. Not anymore at least.

I will admit...rehashing...talking it to death...telling "my side"...has felt good. I have felt justified in all of it. But you know...the bottom line is, all of this ugliness that I keep revisiting, that I keep alive and well by dwelling on it...it's not good for me. It's not healthy. It's like a dark cloud hovering over me...and as much as I like the clouds, this one is ominous. And it's sucking the life out of me.

So. What to do?

Stop it.

Stop talking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop justifying my feelings of hurt and anger and frustration and confusion. It is what it is. People act the way they act. And say the things they say. And I have absolutely no control over any of that. I can only control myself. And that's what I need to focus on.

I've rehashed this stuff for long enough. I've dwelled long enough. No more.

Easier said than done, right? I know. That's why I bought the book. I'm stuck. And I'm hoping that this book is going to help me see things from God's perspective and not my own. I don't want to be stuck anymore. I've been stuck long enough. I want to be free to become the woman God created me to be.

this season of change.

2011-08-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's Monday...I have a lot on my mind.

First and most important...God is on my mind. And He is GOOD. I've been far from Him as of late. But He hasn't been far from me. Oh no. He's been very near...carefully and gently setting me free from legalistic attitudes and religious habits.

I opened my bible this morning for the first time in...weeks? No...more like months I'm sad to say. I almost said "ashamed to say"...but there is no shame, nor condemnation, in Christ. To not read my bible...God's love letter and instruction manual to me...to you...just makes me sad. And incomplete. Off kilter.

So this morning, after a bit of a dry spell, I opened my bible. Isaiah 61 whispered truth to me...I forgot how deep those words were buried in my heart...in my soul. They are imprinted...permanently. Thank you God.

Chris and I visited a church last night...and worshipped. Can I tell you how much I needed that? I listen to christian music at times...I have some favorites I listen to at home on occasion. For a while I only listened to christian music. It's what I needed at the time. Then...it became legalistic. Honestly, I'm more of a "music in the car" person. And if I'm more honest...it's often times old school or alternative.

But anyway...we went to this church. And they had already started worship. And as soon as I heard it tears welled up in my eyes. I tried to act like it wasn't affecting me as much as it was. But...there are some things we just cannot deny. This was one of those things. I needed it. And it began to saturate my sad and weary heart.

Sad and weary? Isn't that a bit dramatic? Maybe. Maybe not. You probably wouldn't know it from the outside...or from talking to me (depending on who you are...). I am not moping around...or hiding under my bed. I'm not depressed. These feelings and thoughts aren't stopping me from living my life well...and happy. But they are stopping from living my life fully.

This sadness...and weariness...it's all inside. It's in my heart...not on my sleeve. It's between me and God...that secret place that you can't ever, ever hide from Him. He knows. And He cares. And so He does the work gently...anyway...even though I may resist now and then.

The thing is...not everyone knows the season that I am in. I've given you glimpses. But much of it has been just between me and God. At times, even I haven't known what was going on! But I have been trusting. Well...let me rephrase that...I trusted as soon as I realized that my incessant questioning was getting me nowhere. When I finally realized that God wanted me to be quiet, and be still, and just let Him do what He needed to do, the questions began to get answers...in His time (slowly!). Probably because He knew that if He gave me answers in my time (right now!), I wouldn't have heard them. More than likely I'd have argued. And as a matter of fact...I might have argued a little anyway.

And can I just tell you...this was not what I planned on writing about. I had a lot on my mind, yes...things like the fact that Seth turned 16 on Saturday, or that Pablo was at the vet getting a wound stitched up, or that we needed to start thinking about back-to-school and clothes shopping and trying to get out of bed before noon. That's what I was going to talk about. But sometimes, many times, God has something else in mind. And today, I guess He wanted me to share my heart.

So there it is. No right. No wrong. No condemnation. Just...me. And God. And this season of change.

slow and steady

2011-07-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

I gathered this from the garden Thursday morning. I probably could have picked a few more tomatoes but I thought they could handle one more day on the vine. (Especially given the high temperatures we've been having.)

I finally noticed two Blue Hubbard squash forming on the crazy, huge, dominating vine. All that vine and only two measly squash. I know I've said it before, but I'm saying it again, I am NOT growing THAT again.

The pepper plants are full of peppers...and the purple bell pepper has a ton more blossoms. It looks like we're going to have lots of jalapenos...might have to try this recipe and soon! Real soon.

Libby is broody...and persistent. And because of her nesting box hogging tendencies, egg production is down. I shoo her out of the nesting box every day...more like coax her out with a treat as bribery. It works like a charm. I noticed a few of the eggs had very soft shells, one of them even just sort of fell apart. I fed the girls a few extra crushed egg shells and some yogurt...seems to have helped.

On the companion planting front, apparently you're not supposed to grow green beans near tomatoes. Guess where my beans are planted? Yes. So...while they're producing beans, the actual plants aren't looking as healthy as they should be. They're not awful...but I am definitely noticing a difference from when I planted them year before last. They were huge and lush and produced tons of beans.

Note to self...apply companion planting knowledge when planting the garden.

And that cute harvest basket in the photo? Thrift store...$6. I love a bargain!

Wednesday in the Word

2011-07-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

You can be sure of this:

The Lord set apart the godly for himself.

The Lord will answer when I call to him.

Psalm 4:3

I love it. Don't you love it? A promise from God.

It says, right there in black and white, "You can be sure of this.."

That's basically like God saying to us, "I promise."

"I will answer when you call to me. I promise."

And God always keeps His promises.

nothing and everything.

2011-07-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't know what to say...sometimes things just don't make any sense to me. And at the risk of getting "too deep"...sometimes it seems like nothing really matters. I don't mean that in a "woe is me" nothing really matters. It's more like the world is in such a crazy state of chaos and so many things matter, that anything I might have to say or want to talk about just really doesn't matter.

I could talk about gardening...but then I think about those who are struggling just to cart a pail of water 4 miles to their home just to have something to drink (and many times the water is full of disease anyway...but they have no choice) and maybe wash a dish or a cup, if they own one. Does my garden, the garden I water with ease, sometimes even forgetting that I've left the very convenient drip system on because I forgot about it, does it really matter when there are people in the world with no access to any water?

I could talk about this week's menu plan and gush on and on about the delectable meals I'm going to cook with the abundance of food available to me...but then I think about the millions of people literally dying of starvation around the world, even here in our privileged USA, and I almost feel guilty at all that is available to me.

Yes, yes...I know, this is where I was born, this is where God blessed me to be, it's a fact of life that some are less privileged, and that is that. Why feel guilty? I know. But...why not feel at least something? No, I don't have to deprive myself of basic life giving essentials just because others don't have it. But as Jane at Thy Hand Hath Provided states so wisely...we can live a bit more simply in order to give more generously. That's all I'm saying.

There are so many things I could talk about...food, menus, gardening, decorating...oh my gosh, don't get me started about decorating. Don't get me wrong...I love decorating. I love beautiful things and a beautiful home. But I have to admit...I have a hard time reading blogs about decorating knowing there are so many human beings that don't even have a roof over their head, let alone a lovely duvet cover in the perfect shade of taupe.

I'm not a bleeding-heart liberal. (I tried to be for a while. But quickly came to the conclusion that I'm actually quite conservative. Who knew?) No, I'm not a bleeding-heart but I am compassionate. I care. I feel for those who are in need...truly in need. I don't necessarily feel for those who are choosing drugs over real life and thus choosing to live on the streets or under bridges. I mean, I feel for them. I hate that they are in bondage to a drug or to alcohol. It breaks my heart. But still...in the end, addiction is a choice. I also have a hard time feeling for those who choose to sit and hold a "Will work for food" sign rather than getting a job so that they can buy food. If you are willing to work then go do it.

But I do feel for those who have hit hard times (and these past few years have been rough for many)...who are truly trying to live their lives as well as possible and still can't seem to get a hand up.

(And...before you get yourself all a dither about my judgmental ways, I'm not saying that just because someone does have a decorating blog they don't care. I'm sure they care very much. And might even hold yard sales to sell their surplus bath towels and area rugs in order to donate all proceeds to help feed people. So don't even go there...um, please. :)

So. Now what? What can you talk about when nothing really matters? (Dramatic, I know. I never said I didn't have dramatic tendencies now and then.) I have learned over the past few years that it is easier to be a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem.

Want to help someone gain access to clean, healthy water? Water for LIFE is an excellent ministry that helps to provide good, clean water that is literally saving lives.

Want to provide food for starving children? This same ministry also feeds the hungry.

Want to teach someone to fish rather than just giving them a fish? Heifer.org is an amazing ministry. I recently gave the gift of baby chicks.

Want to rescue someone from the bondage of sexual slavery? Well, yes, you guessed it, they have a ministry for that, too.

Really, it's not that nothing matters. It's that everything matters.

focusing on the good.

2011-07-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

Flickr favorites...click here...you know the routine.

I hate to admit it...but I think I am one of those "the glass is half empty" people. I'm not proud. Not at all. As a matter of fact, it's actually quite annoying. I know I get annoyed by others who always see the glass as half empty...constantly complaining or whining or pointing out the negatives. It drives me crazy!

So why is it that it's OK for me? Does it sound any better coming out of my mouth than it does, say, your mouth? No. It doesn't. It sounds yucky. And...it's not OK. It's annoying. I mean, come on, you know it's bad when you are so negative you even annoy your SELF.

Last week I was feeling particularly negative...and down in the dumps. So in an effort to combat those feelings I decided to try something new: focusing on the good. It's amazing what thinking on good things can do for one's mindset...for one's outlook...for one's spirit. As a matter of fact...it was so effective I decided to do it again.

Ready? Here goes...I'm going to spend some time focusing on the good.

Spending the day in San Francisco with my mom and her long-time friend, Leslie. (They've been friends since jr. high...this fact truly should be a bullet-point of its own...here's to good friends!)
The baby praying mantis that lives in the garden. He started on the Japanese maple, moved to the sunflower and is now hanging out on the grape vines.
Cooking a meal for friends and having everything turn out good. :)
Sitting under the ceiling fan.
Sun tea. (Did I list this last week? Oh well...I will probably list it next week, too...it's just that good!)
Friends who call you up from the church parking lot offering to bring your kids home for you.
Ripe avocado with my hubby's homemade salsa...summer perfection!
A neat and tidy backyard.
Checking things off of the home-improvement to-do list.
Strawberry shortcake for breakfast!
Chickens taking sun baths in the dappled shade.
Setting goals.
Knowing that church camp truly had an impact on my kids. xo
Birds at the bird feeder.

Life is good. Even on the bad days. It's just a matter of how I see it. I am making an effort to see the glass as half-full...to be positive...and to focus on the good.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Philippians 4:8

Wednesday in the Word

2011-07-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

The Branch of the LORD

2 In that day the Branch of the LORD will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of the survivors in Israel. 3 Those who are left in Zion, who remain in Jerusalem, will be called holy, all who are recorded among the living in Jerusalem. 4 The Lord will wash away the filth of the women of Zion; he will cleanse the bloodstains from Jerusalem by a spirit[a] of judgment and a spirit[b] of fire. 5 Then the LORD will create over all of Mount Zion and over those who assemble there a cloud of smoke by day and a glow of flaming fire by night; over all the glory will be a canopy. 6 It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.

Isaiah 4:2-6

Beautiful and glorious...

The Lord will wash away the filth of the women...

..he will cleanse the bloodstains...

The Lord will create...a canopy.

It will be a shelter..

..shade...

..a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.

God always keeps His promises.

sometimes you just have to focus on the good.

2011-07-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

Flickr

It's no secret...summer throws me completely off. There's no schedule. There's heat. There's...no schedule...and heat. We stay up late and get up late. We eat late. If I cook. The kids are running here and there and all over the place. There's sleepovers and youth camp and water slides with friends. For as much as I don't like a tight schedule...I think I prefer having a tight schedule!

Then there's still the whole spiritual issue...I'm coming to some realizations on the spirituality front that I will share...sometime. I'm still figuring them all out. When I know more...I'll share. (Don't I always?)

And I am still missing Papa so much. And funnily enough...now that Papa is gone, I am missing Noni more than ever, too. Kind of a weird dynamic that I wasn't expecting...

These things can have a tendency to get me down...if I let them. I can let them get me down...or I can purposely focus on good things. Because really, in the whole scheme of things...life is good. And because it's good, I'm going to list some good things...in no particular order.

99 cent hydrangea...because it was "wilted".
Cooler temps...wonderful breezes...perfect weather...absolutely perfect.
Backyard landscape steadily coming along...it's so nice to look out and see green everywhere!
Health...we are all healthy...and that is very good.
Plenty.
A loving, hard-working, kind husband...xo
Library books.
Flickr.com. (go see who created all of that green goodness! One of you might even be reading this!)
Fresh, organic tomatoes...right in my own backyard!
Fresh, organic eggs...right in my own backyard!
Summer bugs under control...ick.
Time with friends.
Interesting, funny, handsome, entertaining (and sometimes aggravating) sons.
A few hours on the work schedule. (Every little bit helps)
The local farm stand...and a new opportunity.
Creativity.
Family. I've got a really, really great family. (Love you guys...near and far...blood or in Christ. It's all good.)
Lists. I love lists. (But I really need to do something about these piles!)
Running water...I really try not to take it for granted.
Migraine medicine.
Japanese maples started from seeds. (Good job Honey!)
Dinner for two. xo
Summer camp...the boys are gonna have a blast!
Eyeglasses.
Sun tea.
Coupons. ;)
YOU!

12 How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?

Psalm 116:12

Wednesday in the Word.

2011-07-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

9 Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

10 If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Around the homestead.

2011-07-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

What's going on around the homestead {by proxy}...in bullet-points:

We have what we refer to as a "tomato jungle". We planted about 10 tomato plants I think. Then we got three volunteers that are actually growing tomatoes. (I didn't think that particular plant was heirloom...but...it's got tomatoes. Maybe it's a hybrid in its second bloom? Anyone know how that works?) Two of the plants are as tall as me. Lots of tomatoes are forming...a few have turned red (or orange or green sriped!) and they taste won-der-ful. Can't wait to get a real harvest!
The bush bean plants are full of green beans. I should be able to harvest them in a few days. The pole beans are just now beginning to flower. I didn't plant too many of either...need to make some time to sow a second planting.
We bought two table grape plants for 50% off one day on a whim. One green, one purple.Then we let them sit in their pots for a few weeks. And...I forgot to water them. And...one looked like it bit the dust. But we planted them both anyway...and they are both growing like crazy! I am hoping we actually get grapes next season.
I planted one zucchini plant, one acorn squash plant and one Blue Hubbard squash plant. It was an experiment. And one I probably won't do again. I should have stuck to plain ol' zucchini. The Blue Hubbard is a prolific grower...the vine is long and healthy...and a bit invasive, with not much food to show for all the space it's taking up. The acorn squash is quite compact and has tons of little squash on it. And this is fine, I just don't think it's going to be a huge hit as far as eating. We are a plain ol' zucchini kind of family. Next summer? All zucchini, all the time. Probably 3-4 plants so I can have plenty to shred and freeze.
Peppers. We planted 6 pepper plants. One purple bell pepper which was beautiful We already harvested one...and already ate it! Two jalapenos, two Anaheim's and one other that I can't recall the name of. The weird weather stunted the peppers quite a bit...but they're making a comeback and are going strong. Lots of blossoms...quite a few little peppers...they should be fine.
I planted one little cucumber plant. And it's doing fine, but could probably stand more sun. Our pecan tree still hasn't been trimmed so the garden is too shady. But we're trying to make it work.
Lettuce. I planted lettuce when we first put the garden in. And the slugs and snails and earwigs enjoyed it very much. It was gone before it could take off. I recently planted another small patch of lettuce. And it sprouted in like 2 days!! So far, so good. I planted it in a shady spot and it seems to like it, especially in this heat.
We planted some Walla Walla onions...also on a whim. I've never grown onions. I have no idea what to do...when to harvest...nothing. So we're wingin' it! So far so good...they seem happy in their little row along the side fence.
Chris wanted to try his hand at growing cantaloupe from seed. So he tossed a few seeds in the ground and lo and behold, a few days later, sprouts! Now they're good strong vines with flowers and everything! I hope we actually get some melons. I hear they're hard to grow...but so far so good.
We also planted one lone little blackberry plant. I bought it (on a whim...I tend to do that a lot, don't I?) at the discount grocery store for $5 then set it out on the deck and didn't water it right along with the poor grapes. It croaked. Poor little thing. But...we planted it anyway...and that little sucker sprouted leaves. Now it's fine. And I'm sure one day we'll regret planting that baby...at least it's thornless!
We also planted some non-food plants...Japanese maples. Chris planted a bunch of seeds that my uncle gave him and he's got about 7 or 8 trees growing...they're adorable! We also had a volunteer maple from our neighbors tree growing in the raised bed. I dug it up, put it in a pot and it promptly went into shock. I thought we'd lost it. But after a day or two it perked back up and now looks healthy and happy. Not sure what we're going to do with it once it's bigger...we really don't need more shade around here. So we'll see... (Actually...it would be nice if the shade was near the house and the sun was near the fence...and not the other way around. But we're sort of stuck with this pecan tree for the time being...so...it is what it is.)

I wish we could have planted more but the shade issue needs to be settled before we plant anymore. Next year...we'll grow more for sure.

So that's what's going on around here...what's happening at your place?

Book Review: Backyard Medicine

2011-07-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

I love books. So you can imagine how excited I was when I got an email asking if I'd be interested in receiving a few free books! Of course I'd be interested in free books! All that was asked of me was that I review them here on my blog...and I am more than happy to do that.

I was given my choice of books. One of the books I chose is
Backyard Medicine by Julie Bruton-Seal and Matthew Seal.

I have been interested in herbal and home remedies for some time now. I have looked information up online, I've borrowed herbal books from the library, I've wandered aimlessly in the nutrition store...and in doing these things I've gleaned bits of information here and there. But I have to say, I've always felt a bit overwhelmed with it all.

Well, enter Backyard Medicine. As soon as it came in the mail I thumbed through the pages and knew instantly it was what I'd been looking for in a book on medicinal plants. The author covers 50 different plants that you can harvest from the wild, many from your own yard, ranging from Agrimony to Yarrow. It covers these medicinal plants in depth...many plants that you'll recognize such as Blackberry, Dandelion, Horseradish, Nettle, Oak and Willow...as well as a few that were new to me like Coltsfoot, Lycium and Teasel.

The author dedicates at least 2 pages, sometimes up to 5, to each plant. She shares the history of the plant, what it's used for, where it grows, how to harvest it, how to use it and what to use it for. She presents the information clearly and simply making it very user-friendly.

I am looking forward to trying some of the remedies using plants that are readily available to me...like dandelions! And to think I thought the dandelion was the enemy. Aren't we always trying to rid our huge expanses of lawn of these pesky weeds? Who knew they were so incredibly beneficial? Dandelion can be used for liver problems, constipation, skin problems, arthritis, gout, hangovers and more. You can use the leaves, the flowers, the sap and the roots. Dang near the whole plant! Dandelion can be turned into tinctures and teas, salads and infused oils, even beer! And this is just the dandelion!

On a cautious note, one thing that crossed my mind while reading about foraging and harvesting these beneficial plants was making sure I was harvesting the right thing and not the poisonous thing. To help with this I will purchase a field guide on wild plants, one that shows the differences between good plants and the poisonous plants that mimic them. Just to be sure...wink!

I am so excited about Backyard Medicine...and so excited to learn more about foraging and harvesting plants that grow like "weeds" right in my yard. (And also in my neighbor's yards. I saw a bunch of dandelion's in one yard and some clover in another when I took Reggie for his nightly stroll last night! Won't they be surprised when I offer to pull their weeds for them?)

If you'd like to purchase Backyard Medicine I provided links for you to Amazon.com. I am no longer an affiliate (I'll fill you in more on that next week) so I don't receive any monetary compensation for sharing this information, but am sharing the link to Amazon as part of the agreement with the publishing company.

And I am doing it gladly...I think you will really appreciate this book as much as I do.

the dust is settling...

2011-07-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

Flickr favorites...mostly brown...see who did all of this....

I'm going slow...yesterday and today.

Yesterday turned into an impromptu "clean out under the kitchen sink" day...which then led to a on my hands and knees bathroom floor scrubbing day...not to mention taking care of a good four or five loads of laundry.

Thank goodness for leftovers.

I don't have much to say today...my thoughts are still deep...but there were a few things that I wanted to share.

Some of you have inquired about the mosaics of photos like the one above...I make them at bighugelabs.com...click on Mosaic Maker..and go for it!

Chris and I signed up for Netflix a few weeks ago. I was searching around for a documentary...had clicked on Food Inc. and was going to watch it but really wasn't in the mood for something that heavy. I dug around a bit more when I came across Food Matters...an amazing and informative documentary focusing on food for health...vs. medications. It really confirmed much of what's been rumbling through my brain lately.

Have you seen Born Into Brothels? Incredible. Moving. And hard to take. This documentary should not be viewed around children...the language is over the top offensive. Really. And the subject matter, obviously, is not for everyone. I grabbed it on a whim at the library and was glad that I did...an eye-opener to say the least.

I'm reading through The Kind Diet...it's inspiring me to add more raw food to our meals. I'm quite sure I won't be making raw pizza or raw lasagna...the idea of trying to make something gooey out of uncooked random ingredients is not at all appetizing to me. However, eating raw veggies, raw fruits and good salads full of good, nutritious food is.

I'm also reading through A Householder's Guide to the Universe: A Calendar of Basics for the Home and Beyond. Entertaining. Informative. And down to earth...

Oh...and while I'm at it, sharing controversial things and all, I'll go ahead and recommend another great documentary...Collapse by Michael Ruppert. I'll let you look it up if you want to...peak oil...government...etc. Good stuff...if you're interested in those things.

I hope all is well in your little corner of the world. I hope your gardens are growing...your families are well...and your hearts are full. xo

xo

2011-07-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

Grandparents are there to help the child get
into mischief they haven't thought of yet.
~Gene Perret

xo

life in the meantime.

2011-07-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Chris and I went to a yard sale a few weeks ago...

It's Friday...I slept in late. I don't usually like to do that...but I'm thinking I must have needed it. Rather than beat myself up about it...I'm going with it...taking it slow...puttering around the house...

The boys slept in, too...it is summer after all. It's gonna be a rude awakening when school rolls back around...for all of us.

I am still processing the fact that Papa is no longer here on this earth with us...it's so hard to believe. As much as I didn't want to, I believed it when Noni went to be with Jesus. I am figuring because Noni's passing was a family affair, it was such a process, and I had the privilege of being a part of that process. I am so grateful for that time with her...so, so grateful.

Papa's departure wasn't a process...it wasn't a family affair. It was him...and Jesus...and they decided the time...and that was that. There is peace in that, too because we all believe that is exactly how Papa wanted it.

That was a gift... The gift of peace... God is good...all the time.

In the meantime...family gathers, plans are made, tears are shed, and in the middle of it all there is laughter and gratitude and good times and hugs and memories and love...lots and lots of love...another gift.

In the meantime...groceries need to be picked up, dinners need to be made, kids need to go to practice and parties and games and youth groups. Business needs to be run...gardens need to be watered...and all the while there are the underlying emotions...joy and sorrow, gratitude and peace.

I will always miss Papa. For my whole life. I still miss Noni immensely and it's been two years. I miss my Papa Gene and he's been in heaven for over 10 years. I miss Grandpa Fred, Chris' grandpa (but I claim him as my Grandpa, too!) . I will always miss them...always. Always and forever. They held special places on this earth...and they hold special places in my heart...that only they can fill.

Until we meet again...I'm so grateful for amazing memories of amazing human beings that I am so blessed to call family.

Papa...I miss you.

2011-06-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

Charles "Papa" Dobrunick April 4, 1916 - June 26, 2011

With joy you will draw water

from the wells of salvation.

Isaiah 12:3

Today's Wednesday in the Word is dedicated to my Papa...Charles Dobrunick. Papa passed away peacefully in his sleep early Sunday morning. He left this earth just the way he'd wanted to...quietly, gently and without any bother or fanfare.

Papa wasn't one for a big fuss.

There is so much I want to tell you about Papa. And I really thought now was the time I was going to do that. But for some reason...the words aren't coming. I thought once I sat down to write about him the words would just flow. But...they're not. They are still in my heart...for me only...for now.

The main thing...the most important thing...and the reason Wednesday in the Word is dedicated to Papa is because I just have to tell you how GOOD God is in all of this.

Last week God gave me Isaiah 12...verse 2 was specifically for me at that moment, but my goodness, verse 3 really stood out to me. It was so beautiful...so poetic...the words created such a beautiful image in my mind...with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

I read it...over and over again.

I heard it in my mind...over and over again throughout the week.

It would pop into my head out of the blue while I drove, while I was at the grocery store, while I washed dishes....it was constant. But I didn't really think too much of it...

* * * * *

It was early on Sunday morning, still dark outside...in my sleep I barely heard my cell phone ring. I sat straight up, "Honey...did you hear that?"

He did hear it.

I ran and grabbed my phone...it was 5:08..."Mom" read on the display screen. I immediately called her back, "Mom...did you mean to call me?"

"No. I was trying to call Aunt Lisa." And then through tears she told me...Papa had passed away. Just like that...he sailed away.

I hung up the phone and immediately I looked to God...in disbelief. Not disbelief that Papa was gone. That really couldn't be a drastic surprise. He was 95. He'd led a really good, long life. And after all these years his body was getting tired. So I think deep inside we were all preparing ourselves for this moment.

No...his passing wasn't unbelievable. The disbelief was between me and God and Papa...and God giving me a chance to lead Papa to Jesus. It was about God sending me to Papa to let him know that Jesus loves him...and that there is life....heaven...perfection...waiting for him on the other side. I was ready. I was preparing. I had already told God...You just let me know...You just say the word and I am there.

But "the word" never came.

I stood in my kitchen in shock...and disbelief. I was...gosh, what was I? I can't even describe the feelings I was having in that split-second of a moment.

But...God.

But God, before I could really even consider spinning out of control...God in His infinite wisdom, His omniscience, His omnipotence...He knew my thoughts...He knew my emotions...He knew my confusion...and just as soon as the thoughts came flooding in I heard God whisper..."I've got him."

Over and over...with each wave of doubt...

"I've got him."

God.had.Papa.
One little whisper...and I knew.
I knew that I knew that I knew...Papa was with God.

But then more doubt sets in...and you begin to argue with yourself...and with God...because things didn't take place like you thought they would...or like you planned them out.

But God...

But God had a plan, too. And His plans are perfect. His plans are good. His plans are righteous. His plans always succeed.

I sat on my couch and prayed...and I asked God, please, give me scripture...for Papa, for me, for reassurance that he truly is with you...

Another whisper..."Isaiah 12.."

I quickly opened my bible and turned to Isaiah 12...and there it was...practically leaping off of the page...those words that had been echoing in my mind and in my heart all week.

...with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

In that moment, any doubt...any fear...any confusion...disappeared. And I knew, without a doubt, that Papa was with God...and at that very moment he was drawing from the wells of salvation with joy. And that when it is my time to sail away...Papa will be there, waiting for me...probably inventing something or drawing something or cracking a joke. I'm looking forward to it...

I'll see you when I get there, Papa. Until then...I love you and I miss you...always.

Thank you God for your faithfulness...for your love and care...

for your wells of salvation...

for taking Papa home to be with you...

for allowing him to swim in the river and sleep in the tall grass.

You are a good God. And I love You.

Amen.

Sunday morning...

2011-06-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

credit

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

complaining...or how to make people run the other way when they see you coming.

2011-06-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

"I promise...if you let me out for just a few minutes, I will NOT
sneak into the garden, plop on your deck or stare you down
through the back door until you give me a treat. I promise!!"
Sweetie...looking demure...doing her best to "will" me into
letting her roam the yard. Not a chance sister!

So the other day I was told by two people....one a friend, the other my favorite cashier at the local discount grocer...to "stop complaining". Just like that...those words were tossed in my direction. And they were tossed at me (but felt heavy as a medicine ball in the gut) right after I'd commented about the excruciating, horrible, suffocating, draining, incessant, obnoxious, heat.

Now I can understand someone telling me not to complain about my new shoes hurting my feet. At least I have new shoes, right?

Or maybe asking me not to complain about the steak being a bit undercooked. (What can I say, I'm a medium-well girl. Blame Noni.) Um...hello? At least I have food, right? And a steak, no less!

Or perhaps someone doesn't want to hear me complain about my humble abode...I'm not living under a bridge, now am I?

But to blurt out the words "stop complaining" when I'm merely making a very factual statement about the weather? Really? Everyone complains about the weather. There are summer people...and winter people...and the fair weather friends who prefer spring or autumn. And when it's not to their liking they complain.

People complain about too much rain...too much snow...too much wind. Why can't I complain about too much heat?

I was boggled. And I will admit...taken aback a bit. And maybe, possibly even a teensy bit offended and self-righteous.

Each time the statement was tossed my way I'm absolutely positive one of my eyebrows raised...and my chin tucked in a bit. I'm pretty sure my eyes bulged and then narrowed into questioning slits. And my lips pinched up, too...just a little.

I'm also quite sure my head cocked to one side and my chest puffed up a bit.

I even got defensive. And pointed out the pointers own complaints. (Of which, I was wrong about, apparently.)

But then...as I stood at the checkout counter baffled by the scolding of my favorite cashier, doing my best to conjure up a reasonable argument as to why it's totally fine and acceptable and within my constitutional rights for me to complain about the heat...about the weather in general, about the traffic, my dirty floors, the person in front of me, the news, the shirt I was wearing, my chippy toenail polish, the price of gas, the service at Starbucks, the audacity of my neighbor to park in MY spot, the fact that neither of my boys can ever "remember" to make their beds, the government, the church, the beggars on every corner, chronic pain, the whatever I want to complain about thankyouverymuch...

...I was convicted.
And a bit embarrassed.

As I loaded my bags and bags of groceries (that I had plenty of money to pay for) and headed home (in my luxury, gas-guzzling SUV with the a/c blasting) I got to thinking...

I don't know about you, but sometimes God uses people to get something across to me. And as I was driving home it began to set in to my thick, stubborn, prideful, opinionated, complaining skull that this is exactly what was happening.

God had something to say to me: "Stop complaining."

It took me a good 24 hours to really process what had happened.
It took me a good 24 hours to really get that it was God pointing out a personality trait that is not helpful to me or anyone within earshot of my incessant whining and complaining.
It took me a good 24 hours to realize that...God is right. I really do need to stop complaining.

So...because God said so, and if nothing else I do my best to be obedient to Him, I'm going to work on not complaining. I don't know that I'll stop complaining totally and completely. (Isn't that humanly impossible? No? Dangit...I guess it IS just me.) But I am going to work on it. Diligently. Pray for me, would ya?

This is gonna be a process...an interesting, challenging and I'm sure, at times, a very humorous process.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.

Philippians 2:14-16

Wednesday in the Word

2011-06-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 12

Songs of Praise

1 In that day you will say:

“I will praise you, LORD.
Although you were angry with me,
your anger has turned away
and you have comforted me.
2 Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD himself,
is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.”
3 With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.

4 In that day you will say:

“Give praise to the LORD, proclaim his name;
make known among the nations what he has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.
5 Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things;
let this be known to all the world.
6 Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,
for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.”

Yes, Lord...I will trust...and not be afraid. Amen.

Monday...and off we go!

2011-06-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

Is it Monday...already?

Wow...this morning started fast and furious.

Ian got up before 6am, got showered and dressed and ready to head out at 7am to help at vacation bible school with his friend, Jesse.

Seth got up around the same time...got dressed, gulped down a peanut butter sandwich and headed off to run at the lagoon with the cross country team.

Chris was up too...sipping coffee and gearing up for a busy week at work. He gave me instructions on keeping the stucco patch moist...he took some time yesterday morning, on Father's Day, to get yet another thing checked off the home improvement list!

Seth got home at about 8:30...hopped in the shower...then ran right back out for his first driving lesson.

(gulp)

We spent the weekend watching Seth play two days worth of double headers. Luckily the weather wasn't too bad...we found some nice spots in the shade and enjoyed all baseball, all day.

Saturday night we had an early Father's Day celebration....dessert and gifts at my brothers house. The kids swam...the adults talked and laughed...we ate cake and cookies and coffee cake...then headed home happy and amped up on sugar!

After lots of running here and there all weekend and not spending a lot of time at home...the house is a MESS. Ice chests and snack bags and dirty uniforms galore. I've got my work cut out for me today...that's for sure. I have to get it done today as the boys and I are headed to Six Flags with some friends tomorrow for some roller coaster fun! I think it's going to be hot...a spin on the log ride might be in order. (We shall see...)

I've got to admit...so far I've been moving kinda slow. I got everyone up and out, watered the lawn, the garden and took the trash cans to the curb for pick up. I got my shower...made my bed...and started a load of laundry. But I gotta tell ya...the energy level is low, low, low. It doesn't help that it's supposed to be hot all week...thank goodness for central air conditioning.

How was your weekend?

whatever is lovely.

2011-06-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

One of the best lattes I've ever enjoyed...mmmm.

My thoughts are a bit jumbled...I'm finding it a challenge to put words to paper the past couple of days. My mind is wandering...thinking of all the things I have to do...fighting myself again...one day at a time, one day at a time...

Summer...it takes some adjustment.

I had a weird dream last night...lots of stairs...they were narrow, as were the walkways...which were more like bridges...rope bridges with wooden planks to balance on. They led to small rooms...dark and hard to see where I was. Wherever we were required security clearance to enter. A base? A spaceship? I don't know. I was alone there. But then suddenly Chris joined me. And just like that we were at the house of an acquaintance...it was a mess...food on the floor, trash everywhere, laundry strewn all over the place...doors, doors, doors...more dim rooms.

Hmm...might have to bust out the dream book on this one.

In the meantime...I am reminded of this scripture...

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy
—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

I need to focus on whatever is true...and right...and lovely...

Wednesday in the Word

2011-06-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

1 You are always righteous, LORD,

when I bring a case before you.

Jeremiah 12:1

I'm still wandering aimlessly...trusting I am headed in the right direction.

It's so strange to not be involved in anything church related. It's also turning out to be a much-needed break for me...from all things religious.

Don't get me wrong...church can be a good thing. It can be nice to be around like-minded people...to be able to have conversations about God and miracles and prayer without being looked at like you just sprouted a second head. God calls us to fellowship with other believers...and that usually happens more readily in a church setting.

But He also called us to love each other. And sometimes, I am learning, the two don't necessarily go together. I'm not willing to accept that.

So I am wandering...I'm in the desert so to speak. Think Israelites, right? Dangit...I wish I couldn't relate to them so well. On one hand I'm grateful for the bible...for God's Word that shares the stories of those that walked this walk of faith before us. I read the words and I know I'm not alone...that I'm normal. But on the other hand, dangit...why can't I be abnormal in this instance? (No comments from the peanut gallery about being abnormal, thankyouverymuch ;)

I guess what I need to figure out at this point in my journey with God is...am I okay with wandering in the desert because I know that I am learning valuable lessons along the way? Or am I okay with wandering in the desert because it's become my new normal...and I'm getting complacent?

If you know the story of the Israelites they wandered the desert for 40 years...grumbling, complaining, fighting, whining...all the while, we know now, the trip should have taken something like 11 days. Eleven days. They wandered for forty years.

I don't want to be able to relate to the Israelites in this case. I don't want what was meant to be an 11 day journey to turn into a 40 year journey. I really don't. But I have to be honest...I'm just not sure what's going on with me. I don't know where I'm at spiritually.

Am I headed in the right direction? Or am I going in circles? I don't know... I really don't...

What I do know...no matter what...and no matter how far I may wander...is that God is good. And He loves me. And has me in the palm of His hand...always. And when the time is right...in His timing...when He says I am ready...He will lead me out of this desert and into the promised land...

Amen.

seeing green.

2011-06-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

We have sod! We've had sod for about two weeks, actually. I told you about my lovely day with my mom, right? Well, while I was out galavanting around with my mom, acting all artsy-fartsy and pretending I had hundreds of dollars to spend on a (albeit beautiful) piece of art...my husband and sons were home slaving away installing our lovely new sod.

After a long day of looking at oil paintings in the rain and sipping delicious lattes, Mom and I drove home in the rain. As soon as we pulled up to the house we hopped out of the car and ran straight through the house ("oh...yeah...hi guys. kiss kiss. now move...we gotta see the yard!") straight to the backyard. We stood on the deck and it was at that moment that I heard the angels singing. The sky opened up and rays of light beamed down onto the...green, green grass. (I'm not kidding. There was a break in the rain and the clouds really did part a bit. ;)

Was this really my backyard. Was I dreaming? Nope. It was real. And it looked fabulous.

And it still does. It's thriving.

Here's a better photo. And if you click here it'll take you to flickr where I've written a few notes as to what the heck is going on back there!

A day with my mom...

2011-06-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

A couple of weekends ago I went to Sonoma with my mom. We went to an art festival...ate some lunch...went to some shops...and then it began to rain!

We decided to duck into a little coffee shop. A very crowded little coffee shop. We ordered a latte, an earl grey and a slice of torte each...apricot for me, berry for mom. Somehow we lucked out and got a cozy little table by the window.

We talked and ate and took photos and watched the rain come down. It was a really good day...

distant.

2011-06-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

Summer is here. Pretty much, anyway. The boys are out of school. The days are warming...finally, some will say. Not me. I'm dreaming of living somewhere else...somewhere cooler, somewhere higher up, somewhere...else.

The sun is shining. The birds are singing. People are wearing shorts and tank tops. But...the air is still. Already feeling a bit stifling. Not now...but I know what's coming. And I'm not ready. I never am.

I can feel that sense of dread...maybe feelings similar to those with SAD feel as winter approaches? I don't know...because in my world, when winter comes, I begin to wake up. I am refreshed. I feel alive. Like with anything else, just add water (in the form of rain) and I perk up instantly.

The heat makes me wilt...I feel distant, and not myself.

I try to look at "the bright side"...fresh, warm tomatoes...all the Vitamin D you could ask for...sleep ins...barbecues...fried zucchini cakes...and it helps some...

...but it's not enough. It's a real stretch, actually. My attempt at not being negative during summer. Is it working?

Yeah. I didn't think so.

But again...the reminder in my head....one.day.at.a.time.

Don't worry about tomorrow...one.day.at.a.time.

And then I am reminded of the words of Matthew...33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Easier said than done. But..it's worth a try.

Give a Girl a Fig

Wednesday in the Word.

no rhyme or reason.

murmuration...

mur·mur /ˈmɜrmər/ noun

a new recipe.

slow and quiet.

the weeks are flying by...

Wednesday in the Word.

the winter garden.

MLK

Sunday.

ugly hallway + empty wall = personal art gallery

life is full of good things.

Wednesday in the Word.

It's nice to get out of town sometimes.

today is the day.

Sunday afternoon...

more than meets the eye.

so much on my mind..

one word.

oh...hey...hi there.

Merry Christmas...

Wednesday in the Word

well now...

more Mary Oliver...another favorite.

the coming week...

I love books.

Wednesday in the Word

So...

good sunday morning.

Dec. 1...time is flying by...

Wednesday in the Word

finally.

good morning...

past and present.

I got nothin'....

Wednesday in the Word

Off to a good start...

I whipped up a pot of soup real quick...

list time...

Wednesday in the Word...

amazing what you come across when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing...

much ado about nothing...

Doing it all.

focusing on the good...

changing things up...

It's Tuesday...again.

It's Tuesday.

Sunday morning...

inspiration...

Wedensday in the Word.

no rhyme or reason.

Wednesday in the Word

Wednesday in the Word.

a prize for one of you...

misty and grey...

tell me something good...

Wednesday in the Word.

the skinny.

Wednesday in the Word

Even the pets are asking...

a dream.

focusing on the good.

Wednesday in the Word

Psalm 63:1

ode to summer..

I need a calendar.

A day in the life...

focusing on the good..

Wednesday in the Word.

Happiness is...

Not bad for a Monday..

Wednesday in the Word.

Rosie...

What are you doing? {aka: the post in which I get a bit preachy.}

the garden: a learning process {otherwise known as me thinking out loud}

focusing on the good.

Wednesday in the Word

this season of change.